[The Undertaker visits his parents' graves]
Mother and Father, I've done some things in my life which I'm not very proud and I'm sure there's been occasions where I haven't live up to your expectations of me. I do hope that now, you'd understand, that I've come to my crossroads. The Devil himself stands before me in the form of my own flesh and blood, of my own brother Kane. Mother, please forgive me for the sin which I'm about to commit, a sin so heinous, but its something that must be done. In the end, I only hope that together, as one we can rest in peace, a family once again - and as such is not the case, I alone am willing to serve my penance. I am willing to burn in my own damnation. I'm willing to look my destiny in the eye and go where the Reaper leads me. Please understand, he's given me no other choice. I have to fight. Just know that I love you.
[HHH appears in the ring with Chyna after Wrestlemania XIV]
You know, a lot can happen in twenty-four hours... let's start with Mike Tyson. You know, I must have asked a thousand times, "Is he locked in? Is he with us? Is he a part of us? Are you SURE? Is it sewn up?" Heh, what I heard was "Don't worry, kid, I got it covered. Don't sweat it. You worry too much. It's sewn up. Let me make the decisions."
Well, you dropped the ball. But don't worry, HBK, 'cause Triple H picked it up, and now the ball is in MY court! I'll take care of the worries, I'll take care of the problems, and I'll make the decisions. This is the genesis of D-Generation X. Tonight, live in front of the world, I form the DX Army - an army to take care of business that should have been taken care of right from the start. And when you start an army, when you set out to do what no one else can do, the first thing you do is you look to your blood. You look to your buddies, you look to your friends. You look to the Kliq! [points to the stage and DX music plays... as Sean "123 Kid" Waltman appears and heads down to the ring to greet Triple H] You know, when you've been an indentured servant for two years, you run up a lot of feelings. Talk to 'em, Kid.
SWSean "123 Kid" Waltman
ALBANY, NEW YORK, RAISE SOME HELL, MAKE A LITTLE NOISE! First things first, I've got a little something I've got to get off my chest right now. I heard Hulk Hogan come out on television sayin' I couldn't cut the mustard. Well, Hulk Hogan, you suck, pal! So I don't think you have any room to talk about anybody cutting any kind of mustard. And Hulk, I got some... I got some more advice for ya. You'd better not stop short, or Eric Bischoff will go so far up your ass, he'll know what you had for breakfast!
And now on to important matters at hand. I'm sittin' at home with my mind on my money and my money on my mind, and I get a call from one of my best friends o' my entire life, Triple H, and he says, "DX needs your help." Well dammit, Triple H, any time you ever need anything from me, pal, you got it. And I got something else to say. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall would be standing right here with us if they weren't bein' held hostage by World Championship Wrestling. And that's a fact Eric Bischoff, so put that in your pipe and smoke it! So the way I see it right now, this is a new beginning for D-Generation X, and we're here to rip ass on the World Wrestling Federation... AND IT STARTS TONIGHT!!!!
Oh yeah, by the way, I got two words for ya...
[Paul Bearer gloats over Kane mauling Undertaker the night before]
Undertaker! Behold, your brother. Undertaker...did you actually believe last night, after the 1, 2, 3 that it was all over? Did you actually think so!? You are looking at your flesh and blood, the only man to ever kick out of your famous Tombstone. Not once, but twice! And he would have done it a third time! Don't you know, Undertaker? You have had to change. After all this, I know you've had to change, deep down inside, that cold, cold heart that your body harbors!
You have faced your flesh and blood, one on one! He beat you all over that ring last night. The whole world's seen it! You cowered in the corner, Undertaker, as your brother put his fist against your skull. After I returned to the hotel last evening, I put myself in bed, I shut my eyes. I was proud, but I was awoken at about 2am with a dream! Yes, Kane, I had a dream! In that dream, I saw a wrestling ring. In that dream, I saw the ring surrounded by fire... in that ring, I saw Kane, standing all alone. Undertaker, I challenge YOU to step into my dream. Step into the ring, step into the fire and face your brother one more time! But the dream is not finished yet... in order to win this match, Undertaker, either you or your brother will have to CATCH FIRE! The loser must catch fire - an Inferno! Unforgiven! In! Your! House!
[Austin gets his phone call after being arrested earlier]
[patched to JR in the arena] Jesus Christ, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I get one phone call when you get locked up in jail and I'm sure Vince McMahon thought I was gonna call a lawyer? ehhehehh!!! That ain't gonna happen! I want you to tell Vince McMahon firsthand, I think he's a sorry, sorry son-of-a-bitch, and the last time I checked, the last time I checked, when you give someone the Stone Cold Stunner, it ain't punishable by the death penalty, so that means, Vince McMahon's ass belongs to Stone Cold Steve Austin, and next week on RAW IS WAR, he's gonna find out just how pissed off Stone Cold Steve Austin is and I can guarantee you one thing, it ain't gonna be a very fun night for Vince McMahon next Monday night and if that don't work, I'll pay his ass a house call just like I've done in the past. Vince McMahon will find out, Austin 3:16 say "I just whipped your ass," and that's what's gonna happen!
[Cactus Jack appears]
I have always taken a lot of chances in the ring and some very bad things have happened to me over the years, but I've always had the comfort of knowing that when I looked at my career, my dreams, the things I accomplished, the things I'd set my heart on... that it was always worth the pain. So people ask, "Cactus, so how's your neck?", I say, that I'll be damned, if I'm gonna let a group of SCUM like DX put Cactus Jack away.
No, I guess, you see, that... Terry Funk's not here and I haven't talked to Terry, but I've left a message on his answering machine and I'm not saying this to sound tough, but Cactus Jack and Terry Funk do not miss wrestling matches! So I have to guess, if the Funker was hurt enough to fly home, that it's probably pretty bad. And I really wish that people could know Terry a little bit more than what they see in the ring, because people will always debate on who the greatest wrestler of all time is, but I guarantee you, you ask every damn last bunch of people in the dressroom, they'll say that Terry Funk is the gutsiest old bastard they've ever seen in their lives.
And I guess you've probably seen Terry's back, and I hope you saw WrestleMania because it was a tremendous match and I'm very proud of it, and Terry was laying there on the bed with his belt and he said, "Cactus, I'm gonna be alright because I consider this the last match of my career." See, Terry always wanted to retire as a WWF champion and he said, "Cactus, it's all been worth it, but we don't have those belts now, do we?" And I'm not gonna get into the reason why, but I will say, that when Cactus Jack was laying - and I was conscious and I could move, but it was very hard to move and I was not very far from being unconscious - and when I looked at Terry Funk, well, I heard something in my... in my ears that - I gotta tell you the truth - it kinda made me sick! That's... there was an announcement being made, thanking the fans for coming to the WWF event... and they said something about Stone Cold Steve Austin... and, uh, yeah, people... people started chanting his name. And it's... it's funny, because... when I came here two years ago and I was Mankind, there were always people saying, "Why don't you just be Cactus Jack?" Then I came out in tie-dye and white boots, and they said, "You know, why don't you just be Cactus Jack?" Well, I gave you Cactus Jack. I GAVE YOU EVERY GODDAMN PIECE OF ENERGY I HAD... and when I was laying there, helpless... you chanted someone else's name... [stands up]
This is not a knock on Stone Cold Steve Austin! Hey I'm happy he's the champion, and he may not admit it, but we've known each other a long time, and he's been my friend. But what you did to me and Terry Funk laying here in the middle of the ring was not only distasteful and disrespectful, it was goddamn disgusting... and I'm gonna give you a chance to make it up to me... because I'm gonna accept a group apology right now. [feels crowd heat] Well... I can finally say for the first time, after 13 years of blood, sweat and tears, that it's not worth it anymore. It's gonna be a long time before you see Cactus Jack in a ring again. [drops mic and leaves ring]
[Shane McMahon and Jim Ross are in Vince McMahon's locker room asking him not to take up Steve Austin's challenge for a WWF title match]
You get to the car, ok? [slams coat onto the table] Get my bag and bring it back here.
[over Vince's command] This is the dumbest decision you've ever made.
GBGerald Brisco
No it's not.
This is the dumbest decision you've ever made!
[to JR as Shane storms out] And you, you go out there and do your job please, thank you very much.
[DX - the New Age Outlaws, Chyna, and XPac, assemble near a military jeep with recoilless cannon]
Attention! [the four stand at attention with Chyna poking her M-16 into Road Dogg's crotch. starts pacing back and forth] At ease, men. [group goes at ease. Billy Gunn has his rocket launcher tucked like an erect penis and lowers it a bit] I said at ease! [rocket launcher is lowered more] That's better. [walks to Billy] Stand up straight, soldier. Today we embark on a mission. We have seen the enemy, and he's near. So today, we're gonna go down there.
DMDX members
Down where, sir?
There [makes crotch gesture] and we will blow them out of the water. This mission, should you choose to accept it, will start at the Norfolk Scope, with [mock Southern drawl] Dubya-C-Dubya, the Rasslin' [to normal voice] and it will end right here tonight, at the Hampton Roads Coliseum, for RAW is WAR. This is your mission, [XPac makes a few unintelligible words] if you choose to accept it, ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to accept it, it will be all for one and [gestures open-palm to DX]
ADAll DX members
One for All, so [makes DX crotch chop] SUCK IT! [talk amongst themselves as they mount the jeep. HHH stands on the shotgun seat]
[gestures with baton] ATTACK!!! [DX starts moving]
[Paul Bearer has just cut a promo about Kane's predicament at Unforgiven, revealing Kane is his son]
... and of course, the Undertaker obviously was shocked. What we're hearing then is that Paul Bearer is Kane's father.
And do you know what that means? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out - that means Paul Bearer had to sleep with the Undertaker's mother!
Whoa!! [scoffs and laughs at the revelation]
Cut this music... does anybody here know my name? Because to tell you the truth, I don't know who the hell I am anymore. At Unforgiven, I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin - no I do not have the heavyweight title, but I came real close. And for those of you who've never been on the receiving end of a Stone Cold ass-kicking, let me tell you, it doesn't feel that good... If you were to ask Stone Cold Steve Austin how he felt the next day, well he probably would say he didn't feel a whole hell of a lot better.
So now, how do I get rewarded for my efforts at Unforgiven? By receiving a rematch? No! By being proclaimed the No.1 contender? No! You see, that honor went to... Goldust. The last time I checked my resume, I was going head to head with the heavyweight champion of the world. The last time I checked the resume of Goldust, that panty-wearing pansy... he was wearing a black teddy in a woman's negligee match. And now the WWF has informed me that I am to wrestle Terry Funk in a no-holds-barred, falls-count-anywhere match. And I guess I know what Vince McMahon must thinking, 'hey let those two kill each other and I won't have to deal with them anymore.'
You see, I don't have all the answers, but I do know a few things. Number one, I'll be damned if I'm going to throw away 13 years of hard work by sucking up to a low-life like Vince McMahon; number two, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my wife and kids see me bumping and grinding with a couple of second rate strippers on national television; and number three, I'll be damned if I perform in this stuff [Dude Love Outfit] ever again. What I'd like right now is to have Vince McMahon out here, because I, Cactus Jack, want some answers and I want them right now! I am waiting for your replay! Vince McMahon, if you are a man, you come out here and face the music. [Vince McMahon enters the ring] Vince, I don't care what you do - if you bury it [Dude Love Outfit], you burn it or you put it on yourself, but you will not make me dress up like a horse's ass... EVER... are we understood? ARE WE?"
