Undertaker, this is your Stop sign on your highway to eternity. Starting with these boys tonight, we are gonna walk through the World Wrestling Federation, take each one, each wrestler, one by one and destroy them. Until we reach you! You, Undertaker. That is why Kane is here. And we have you to thank. Every time you look around, you're going to see your brother behind you. Every time you close your eyes to go to sleep, you're going to remember that terrible night. The fire! Oh yes, the fire. Undertaker, welcome to your worst nightmare.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[waiting for footage from Badd Blood] Now I know we don't have any brain surgeons in that truck, but this is a television studio per se. Do you think, Vince McMahon, you could get one of those idiots in your truck to send out my performance at Badd Blood? [Footage appears on TitanTron...] All right, here we go... [...not of Badd Blood, but of the MSG "Curtain Call."] Whoa. Wait a minute!
HHHunter Hearst-Helmsley
[both feigning shock] Oh my God, what is that?
That's not Badd Blood, that's...
HHunter
That's Madison Square Garden!
That's May 19th, Madison Square Garden!
HHunter
That's you, Shawn!
And that's...that's...that's Razor!
HHunter
And Big Daddy Cool Diesel!
But who's that...that's you, Triple H! Wait a minute! Hey, you were a bad guy, I was a good guy!
What is this?
HHunter
You were a good guy, I was a bad guy!
What were you doing in there? That's...wait a minute! Wait a minute...that was supposed to be Vince McMahon's biggest day—the first time Madison Square Garden had been sold...aw, it's off the screen. Oh, Vin-man, what's the matter? That subject's still a little too sensitive for you, big man. [Both get out of ring and approach Vince at announcers' desk] Vinnie Mac, what's the matter? Come on, what's the matter? Is your dad rolling over in his grave? The family traditions in the McMahon...has it come to an end because me and my buddies made an ass out of ya? Come on, you were an ass long before I made one out of ya!
[to Shawn and Hunter on the TitanTron] Why don't you two degenerates come down here right now and step in the ring with me right now? Either one of you, I don't care! Either one of you, right now!
Is he challenging me?
HHunter
Is he challenging us?
Now regularly, regularly I would take him up on his challenge. But you know why I'm not gonna? You know why I'm not gonna? I'll tell you why. Because the last time I took him up on a challenge was WrestleMania, and I beat his ass for that stupid piece of tin he's got on his shoulder; and at Survivor Series, I'm gonna take that stupid piece of tin you got on your shoulder once again. I've beaten you, I've beaten your brother, I've beat both your brother-in-laws, and I'll beat up your whole family if you get in my face one more time.
HHunter
And as far as I'm concerned, Bret Hart, you want a piece of me, huh?! [Shawn holds him back] You want a piece of me?! Come on! I'll take you on, Hitman! I'll give you the worst beating of your life! Hey, wait a second. I did that last week. I did that last week, Hitman! So never mind, I don't need to do it twice! I already did it!
I tell you, I took so many shots to my head, I almost forgot how bad we beat him up last week. Hitman, I got news for you. Sometime during this show, we are gonna cross paths. And you talk about us being degenerates. You know what, I'm tired of Generation X getting a bad rap.
HHunter
Do you think you're a degenerate?
Well, do you think you're a degenerate?
HHunter
Well, I mean...
I mean, I'm positive I'm one.
HHunter
I guess I'd have to be one then.
Well you know what? Generation X always gets a bad rap, everybody calls us degenerates. Degeneration X, is that us? Degeneration X—Triple H, HBK, Chyna, Ravishing Rick. We are Degeneration X—you make the rules, and we...will...break 'em!
I'm Jim Cornette. I'm just wondering if there's any people that are sick and tired as I am to be the icon of wrestling. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper claim to be the icon, Shawn Michaels is the icon that can still go, Bret Hart would claim to be the icon if he wasn't too busy crying about being screwed, and Randy Savage is still "Thinkin', Thinkin'!" Well, Shawn Michaels is still the single most talented athlete inside the ring, but outside he's an adolescent obnoxious jerk who takes the tights and goes home if he doesn't get his way. Bret Hart is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, but if he'd have been screwed as many times as he claims, he'd have struck oil by now. And Randy Savage is a legend, but let's face it, how many records did Frank Sinatra sell last year? But the pinnacle of this icon garbage came at last night's cage match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper to determine—in their minds only—who the real icon is. WCW had the gall to say that this is the greatest cage match in history when it was the greatest in three weeks since Hell in a Cell. But here, you've got a 46-year-old, bald-headed movie star wannabe who looks like Uncle Creepy with a good build, taking on a guy with an artificial hip that hasn't wrestled a full schedule in ten years. It's a tribute to the massive egotism in my mind of both men and an indictment of WCW's promotional policies that this match took place, much less being in the main event when the card was probably the best that WCW was capable of having. By the ten minute mark, they were sucking wind so bad, the first three rows passed out of oxygen deprivation. Would've been funny if it wasn't sad. Well, I'm sick and damn tired of hearing guys claim to be the icon, especially when it used to come from guys who usually didn't know when to quit. Roddy Piper was my idol when I was a teenager, but that was 20 years ago. Hulk Hogan, during his best years, was 50% media recreation, and those days are long gone. This match was a slap in the face to every wrestler that takes pride in his profession, and in my mind, no one man is bigger in this sport. But if there is an icon, it would be a man who has great ability inside the ring, and professionalism and maturity outside of it. Let's leave all the petty backstabbing "I make more money than you," BS with the hat check girl and let's concentrate on talent and attitude. The Undertaker, Ric Flair and Steve Austin have never claimed to be icons, which means that they are big candidates to be just that. And on a personal note to Hulk Hogan, you are a household word, but so is garbage and it stinks when it gets old too. I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion.
Jim Ross [describing Steve Austin’s trip after leaving the arena]: This could be a P.J. Carlesimo situation.
Who?
It has been said that anything can happen here in the World Wrestling Federation, but now more than ever, truer words have never been spoken. This is a conscious effort on our part to "Open the Creative Envelope", so to speak, in order to entertain you in a more contemporary manner. Even though we call ourselves "sports entertainment" because of the athleticism involved, the key word in that phrase is "entertainment". The WWF extends far beyond the strict confines of sports presentation into the wide open environment of broad-based entertainment. We borrow from such program niches like soap operas like The Days of our Lives, or music videos such as those on MTV, daytime talk-shows like Jerry Springer and others, cartoons like The King of the Hill on Fox, sitcoms like Seinfeld, and other widely accepted forms of television entertainment. We in the WWF think that you, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted. We also think that you're tired of the same old simplistic theory of "good guys vs. bad guys". Surely the era of "The superhero who urge you to say your prayers and take your vitamins" is definitely passe. Therefore, we've embarked upon a far more innovative and contemporary creative campaign that is far more invigorating and extemporaneous than ever before. However, due to the live nature of Raw and The War Zone, we encourage some degree of parental discretion as it relates to the younger audience allowed to stay up late. Other WWF programs on USA such as Saturday Morning LiveWire and Sunday Morning Superstars, where there is a 40% increase in the younger audience, obviously however need no such discretion. We are responsible television producers who work hard to bring you this outrageous, wacky, wonderful world known as the WWF. Through some 50 years, the World Wrestling Federation has been an entertainment mainstay here in North America and all over the world. One of the reasons for that longevity is as the times have changed, so have we. I am happy to say that this new vibrant, creative direction has resulted in a huge increase in television viewership, for which we thank USA Network and TSN for allowing us to have the creative freedom, but most especially we would like to thank you for watching. Raw and the War Zone are definitely the cure for the common show.
Remember, the European Title on the line. Shawn Michaels putting the European Title on the line here, as he will the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble in that much-anticipated casket match with the Undertaker. [Shawn and Hunter lock up and Hunter immediately shoves Shawn down] Collar-and-elbow tie-up.
[Hunter over-dramatically runs the ropes over a supine Shawn for 14 seconds]
And reluctantly on his part, on both of them. He didn't want to put the title up either.
Wait a minute. Why is Michaels just lying there?
Well, why doesn't Helmsley slow down and stop? What is it?
[catching on] It's a mockery. [Hunter jumps and softly splashes Shawn, hooking his leg] We thought that... oh, here it is.
[Hebner counts to three. Hunter celebrates while Shawn "cries."]
[over Tony Chimel's announcement] It was a ruse!
TCTony Chimel
Here is your winner and the new World Wrestling Federation European Champion: "Triple H" Hunter Hearst-Helmsley!
[cont'd] A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flim-flammed, had the wool pulled over our eyes even!
Slaughter apparently has been watching this on the monitor, we've just been informed, and is on his way to the ring. Helmsley with the European Title. We thought it was gonna be Slaughter's revenge.
Look at these two jackasses! Michael [sic] cries every time he comes to this town!
Well, the WWF has asked me to do a commentary on the state of wrestling in 1998; I guess they figured, "Cornette's always good for a couple of laughs." Well, I'm not really gonna be too funny tonight. Because you see, I think the state of wrestling in 1998 stinks! I think WCW stinks, I think the nWo stinks, I think ECW is embarrassing, and I think the WWF stinks! And I'll tell you why. You don't have to go back any further than last week on Raw, you got a guy coming out dressed like a Christmas tree, you got a woman dressed like a reindeer, you got two adolescent mulletheads showing their butt cheeks on national TV, and having a phony match for a championship! I think it stinks! I think it's disgusting! I think nobody has any respect for wrestling anymore! Where is "wrestling"? Not "sports entertainment", but wrestling! You know, just a couple of years ago, I left my home in Tennessee and I moved to Connecticut, which is like trading a Hawaiian vacation for a bed in a cancer ward, to come to work for the WWF full-time, the biggest wrestling promotion in the history of the planet! And I moved to Connecticut with snow on the ground seven months out of the year, real estate prices that would make Donald Trump's hair stand on end, the rudest bunch of people I've ever seen where English is the second language, and traffic jams at four o'clock in the morning! But I think that's OK, because I'm with the biggest wrestling promotion of all time, the WWF! But over the last couple of years, I don't see any wrestling! They got some great wrestlers around here, but they don't have any time to wrestle, because of all the folderol and the nonsense going on! You see, what the problem is, is the people running the two big promotions! One guy is a game show host wannabe from Minneapolis with phony teeth, phony hair, and a phony tan! And running the WWF, you got a whole office building full of Yankees from New York City that wouldn't know a wrestling match if it bit them! So they sit around all day, listening to people on the Internet; and the people on the Internet wouldn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch! I don't particularly care what some Yankee from New York City wants to see! I wanna see wrestling matches with wrestlers! I wanna see real old-fashioned wrestling! I wanna see some people who have some respect for the traditions of the wrestling industry, have some respect for the sport of wrestling! I don't wanna see "sports entertainment" and flying donkeys all around! I think it's garbage, I think it's insulting, and I think it's a shame to a fine sport like this! Down south where I come from, they know wrestling, they were brought up on it, they grew up on it, and they respect it! And I think it's about time that the promoters and the wrestling industry today recognize that wrestling fans watching a wrestling programme want to see wrestlers wrestle! That's... That's easy! It's not too hard to understand if you just think about it. But the problem is, is that nobody has any respect for tradition. Well, I got news for you; I got respect for tradition, and I've always been associated with real good old-fashioned wrestling, a sport of wrestling, not a circus sideshow, not a cartoon show; and if nobody else is bring some wrestling around here, then maybe it's gonna be up to Jim Cornette! So that might be my New Year's resolution for 1998! I might bring some tradition, I might bring some real wrestling back and clear this whole mess out, because I think it stinks! So there's my address, there's my opinion, there's my commentary, do with it what you want, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Bah Humbug, I'm outta here!
[Shawn Michaels calls out the Undertaker again and the druids bring down a casket]
That casket looks awfully familiar [sees DX graffiti all over] Oh jeez, I'm begging for a little originality here. Okay sorry folks, I think Triple H and Chyna could no a little better than this. It's what I did last week. Ok, Hunter, Chyna, you're real funny, oohh, [gets closer to casket] I'm scared woogiewoogiewoogie. Come on out, you two. Come on, come on, oh what's the password. I forgot, the secret password, the secret password I forgot, last week, Break It Down! Ok you two, Break It Down, hello? [HHH and Chyna appear on the stage trying to warn him; Shawn finally sees them] If you two are up there, then, who's in the, who's in the casket? [gets closer to open casket and the Undertaker comes out to trap him inside]
[After stunning Mankind and Goldust, Steve Austin puts on JR's headset.]
Oh hell yeah! No more Mr. Nice Guy until after this Rumble! Jim, someone told me the other day at the airport, "Steve, if you think you can win the Rumble, give me a hell yeah!" And I gave a "OH HELLLLL YEAHHHHH!"
At this time I'd like to introduce to you a man who is simply the baddest man on the planet! Ladies and gentlemen, "Iron" Mike Tyson! [Tyson enters the ring with his crew] "Iron" Mike Tyson! Mike, it is unquestionable, an honor and a privilege to have you standing in a World Wrestling Federation ring.
MTMike Tyson
Well, it is a privilege to be here, man. I don't know, I've been a fan since I'm eight, nine years old and I'm just happy to be here.
Well, tell me your old time favorites here in the WWF.
MMike
Bruno Sammartino.
Don Leo Jonathan as well?
MMike
Nikolai Volkoff, man I go way back. I'm just proud to be involved in this.
Alright, now ladies and gentlemen. The moment we have awaited, the big announcement, and the announcement is that on March 29th at WrestleMania in this very ring..."Iron" Mike Tyson will... [Steve Austin's music interrupts McMahon and Austin enters the ring. Several officials and execs rush in.] Hey! Hey! Mr. Austin, why are you here?
SSteve
Because I'm sick and tired of seeing Mike Tyson, he comes in, he's shaking everybody's hands, making friends with all the WWF Superstars, and it's made me so damn sick, I've been in the back throwing up. [Tyson extends his hand] I ain't gonna shake your damn hand, because I ain't out here to make friends with you. Mike... shut up. I respect... I respect what you've done in the boxing world, but Jesus Christ, son, when you step in this ring, you're messing with Stone Cold Steve Austin and that's something you don't do. Let me make it short and sweet, what I'm telling you is I want a piece of Mike Tyson's ass. [To Vince] Shut up. Don't say one word, Vince; I'll knock your damn lights out, too. I respect what you've done, Mike, but you're out here calling yourself the baddest man on the planet. Right now, you got your little beady eyes locked on the eyes of the world's toughest son-of-a-bitch! I can beat you any day of the week, twice on Sunday. Do I think I... Do I think you can beat my ass? Hell no! Do I think I can beat your ass? Why, hell yeah! I don't know how good your hearin' is, but if you don't understand what I'm sayin', I always got a little bit of sign language, so here's to ya! [flips off Tyson to Vince's surprise. Tyson gestures with his hands and shoves Austin, causing a brawl between the two men. Everybody else pulls them apart and Austin is manhandled off the ring]
Get out of here! You ruined it, you ruined it! [goes under second rope to get closer down to Austin] YOU RUINED IT, DAMMIT, YOU RUINED IT!!! [Austin flips him off as Shane tries to placate Vince]
[Shawn and Triple H along with Chyna make their apology to RAW's carrier networks in a manner of an official presidential announcement]
Good evening my fellow Americans. This past week, Degeneration X was informed that TSN, STAR TV, SKY Sports, and USA Network is drawing the line on standards and practices as it relates to WWF programming and Degeneration X. In the future, we need to be careful of what we do and what we won't do. Again, DX gets in trouble every time we do something fortuitously. Therefore, the following is the standard and practices that DX promises to adhere to. [steps aside for Triple H]
From the hours of nine to ten PM, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", and "hell". We will, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "bitch," "faggot", or any other sexual or racial slurs. From the ten to eleven PM hour, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", "hell" and "bitch." We will never, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "faggot", or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references-
Oh shit!
HHHH
[to Shawn with light tap on chest] Watch your fucking mouth!
[scoffs] Fuck me.
HHHH
Goddamn it. Fuck! Anyway, we will have less references to our enormous genitalia. [gives way to Shawn]
On a final note, you know many of you believe that currently, the favored pastime in the Oral Office is "Swallow the Leader"...[delivers like Clinton's famous denial] I did not, I repeat, I did not sleep with that young intern. [normal] As a matter of fact, I was [makes DX crotchchop] UP ALL NIGHT!! [laughs along with HHH]
[Kane has just decked out a fan and timekeeper Mark Yeaton, but Paul Bearer couldn't assure him enough that a constant tolling of bells was nothing... until they see a casket on the stage hit by a lightning bolt and the Undertaker rises out of it]
Welcome to HELL! I am the demon who will lead you into eternal damnation. Kane, you disappointed me. Is that the best effort that you can put together at the Royal Rumble? Did you think that could destroy me? Don't you know that you cannot destroy that does not wish to perish? And you, Paul, the audacity to come out here week after week and claim responsibility for my disappearance! The fact of the matter is: all those times when I return to the world of darkness it's of my own appoint. It's a time for spiritual healing. It's a time for the truth, and I know the truth. At this trip, what I was doing was soothing the souls of my parents, because I had to explain to them why I would have to do the one thing I promised never to do. Kane...
You're not The Phenom anymore! I'm standing next to the real Phenom!
[Kane lights up the stage but Undertaker passes right through the fireworks]
I will walk straight through the FIRES OF HELL to face you, Kane! And when you look into the eyes of your older brother, you will understand why, I am the most feared entity in the World Wrestling Federation. You will understand why, I am the Reaper of Wayward Souls and you will understand why I am the Lord of Darkness. Kane, there is one thought that I want you to think about between now and WrestleMania 14 – March 29th. I want you to remember, when we were small children, and we would begin to fight, mother and father were always there to pull me off of you. Well, this time there won't be anyone to save you. May the hounds of hell eat your rotting soul and you will...Rest...In...Peace!
[legends vignette for WrestleMania XIV, featuring voiceovers of WWF legends over footage]
FB"Classy" Freddie Blassie
I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
KKKiller Kowalski
Time has not silenced the crowd.
ELErnie Ladd
I never did a moonsault.
GMGorilla Monsoon
or walked the top rope.
PPPat Patterson
There were no pyrotechnics...
MMonsoon
No fancy, flashing lights.
We never flew through the air.
PPatterson
We were men of courage...
KKowalski
Men of steel...
They were men without fear.
LLadd
I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
MMonsoon
But today...
I cheer for them.
[the lights are out again as Kane and Paul Bearer are in the ring ready to pounce on Sable; Undertaker appears at the top of the TitanTron]
Kane, WrestleMania 14, I will strike down upon thee with anger and furious vengeance!!! I will deliver you to the fiery pits of eternal damnation. You will know my name as the Lord of Darkness! Little brother, I felt your wrath, now you're gonna feel mine. It's too late to turn back. The only thing that you can do now is Rest...In...Peace!!! [summons lightning bolt that opens upright casket at the stage, revealing an effigy of Kane that suddenly burns]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE Raw pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.