[HHH faces Stephanie and Chris Jericho over the married couple's allegedly poor sexual exploits]
You know, Steph, maybe it was not so much the Game that was short, maybe the field I was playing on was too damn big.
[shocked as crowd pops] I don't know what you mean by that!
You don't know what I mean? Let me tell you what I mean.
SStephanie
[sees the crowd becoming more agitated] Shut up, all of you SHUT UP!!
Let me tell you what I mean, let me make it a little more clear for you. You see Steph, even a 747 looks small when you're flying it [points hand at Steph's hips] into the Grand Canyon!
Good evening. First of all, let me take this opportunity to thank our millions of fans around the world, as well as the World Wrestling Federation superstars, who made WrestleMania X8 such an overwhelming success. Secondly, I would like to inform our fans, our superstars, as well as the co-owners of the World Wrestling Federation, that the board of directors has reached the decision on an action plan for the company. The board is afraid that absent in the action, the animosity between Ric Flair and Vince McMahon will continue to be counterproductive for all concerned. Therefore, we are proposing a brand extension under the World Wrestling Federation corporate umbrella, in which Ric Flair would have 100% control and authority over WWF Raw, and Vince McMahon would have 100% control and authority over WWF SmackDown!. We also proposed that one week from tonight on Raw, there be a draft of World Wrestling Federation superstars, in which each co-owner would select his respective talent that would be exclusive to his brand. With the exception of World Wrestling Federation Women's Champion, the men's champion, whose services would be available to both brands. This is an exciting adventure for the World Wrestling Federation. One which we feel is the only solution to ensure that this bitter competition between Vince McMahon and Ric Flair becomes a positive for the benefit of our company, and for our superstars, but most importantly for you, the World Wrestling Federation fans. Thank you.
Good evening. Tonight, we will witness the first-ever World Wrestling Federation draft. Vince McMahon will represent SmackDown!. Ric Flair will represent Raw. In the interest of time, only 20 picks will actually be made live tonight. A lottery will be held immediately following Raw on WWF.com to determine placement of all other World Wrestling Federation performers. The result of tonight's historic draft becomes effective on next week's Raw. However, because of the Triple Threat WWF Championship match tonight, neither Triple H, Chris Jericho, nor Stephanie McMahon is eligible to be drafted. And due to a contractual clause, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not eligible to be drafted either. Mr. Austin is therefore declared a free agent, able to sign with either SmackDown! or Raw. Thank you for your attention this evening and best of luck to all the World Wrestling Federation superstars.
Welcome to Raw. Tonight, Raw enters a new era. The Ric Flair era. An era that promises to be more exciting and action-filled, woo, than ever before. And tonight, I promise to do everything in my power to sign Stone Cold Steve Austin to a contract that will ensure that Stone Cold Steve Austin stays with Raw forever. And also, I have the personal honor tonight, of presenting the new Undisputed Championship belt to the reigning World Wrestling Federation champion, Triple H. Let the party begin! Woo!
[Big Show and Stone Cold Steve Austin are facing Scott Hall and X-Pac in a tag team match]
Austin's gotta make the tag. He's close to the Big Show. [Austin tags in Big Show]
Austin makes the tag. The Big Show gets the tag, and here he comes. And look at the nWo, they want no part of... [Big Show pulls down the straps from his singlet as Hall and X-Pac get on their knees]
Oh no! [Big Show suddenly grabs Austin by the throat]
What the hell?! What the hell is this?! Oh my God! [Big Show lifts Austin in the air for a chokeslam]
My God, the 500-pounder! Big Show... [Big Show chokeslams Austin]
The big bastard just chokeslammed Austin all the way to hell!
His own partner! [Big Show raises hands with Hall and X-Pac, signifying he has joined the nWo] Look at this!
What the hell is this?! My God, has the Big Show joined the nWo?! My God the Big Show!
I can't believe what I'm seeing, but JR, I think you're right!
What a no good bastard, the Big Show chokeslamming Austin! My God I cannot, can you imagine what this means?!
Ever since last Monday night, the question that seems to be on everyone's mind is, is Stone Cold Steve Austin really gone? Sadly, sadly the answer to that question is yes.
MMcMahon
I know, I don't like it any more than you do. The other question on everyone's mind is, one day, will Stone Cold Steve Austin be back in action in World Wrestling Entertainment?
MMcMahon
I sincerely hope so. Quite frankly, I really don't have the answer to that question and I'll tell you why. See, Austin has a lot of explaining and a lot of apologizing to do before he comes back. Austin, when he walked last Monday, it wasn't the first time he walked out on us. It happened once before, the day after WrestleMania, when Austin packed his bag without notifying anyone. He simply packed his bag and went home. He was scheduled to be on Raw just as he was scheduled last Monday. Austin stayed home for approximately two weeks claiming he was burned out. All right, you can understand being burned out. We all have been burned out from time to time, and given the enormous contributions that Austin made, and has made to our company, all was forgiven, two weeks later Austin came back to work. Nonetheless, in my mind, Austin owes an apology for walking out to every superstar in that locker room. Austin owes an apology to the company he helped build. Austin owes an apology to each and every one of you for walking out on you. I don't know if Austin's ever gonna come back to action or not. [crowd chants "Austin"]
You can tell JR, that the fans want him back.
MMcMahon
Last Monday, Austin was in town, he was scheduled to be on Raw as I said, and a number of us attempted to speak to him on his cell phone. He refused to take our calls until finally, after repeated attempts, Austin took one call. That was from that man right there. [points to Jim Ross] Austin's friend, Jim Ross. JR pleaded with Austin, since you're in town, don't walk, simply just come to the arena. Sit down and discuss your grievances as a man. Austin didn't do that. JR's plea fell on deaf ears. And quite frankly, Austin's actions both personally and professionally are certainly uncharacteristic of the man we all know. Nonetheless, Austin, as an adult, should and will be held accountable. We have to move on as a company without Austin. And move on we will, we have to. We have no alternative. We'll develop new stars, new matches, new concepts, even this Sunday's King of the Ring winner will automatically face the champion at SummerSlam. Austin is gone, but clearly Stone Cold will never, ever be forgotten. I know that in Austin's heart, he wishes every superstar in the locker room well. He wishes all of you well. And I know Austin wishes even the company that he helped build well. So Steve tonight, wherever you are, I'd like to say on behalf of all the superstars, some of whom are riding your coattails for the trailblazes you made, I'd like to say Steve, to you, on behalf of the company that you helped build, on behalf Steve, of every single fan that you entertained throughout the years all over the world, on behalf of all of us Steve, I would simply like to say thank you. Thank you Stone Cold. Thank you for the memories.
[Booker T chances upon Goldust]
BTBooker T
Tell me you're not dressed like that. Man put that thing before you get somebody eye-witted. Who are you supposed to be tonight?
GGoldust
[as Darth Vader, complete with breathing. touches Booker T] Booker, the Force is strong with you, but you are not a Jedi yet.
BTBooker T
Look man, I don't know what you're talking about, but I ain't no Star Wars geek. I ain't watched a movie and never will.
GGoldust
[removes helmet] Booker, it's not about that. It's about last week and our splendid plan. It's about me concocting another marvelous plan tonight if you will only go over there and relax. Get your matcon and get ready.. I will be back [dons helmet]
BTBooker T
Let me see that. [takes lightsaber toy, but gets amazed when it lights up, and makes motions and humming sounds as if he's using the weapon] I'm like, I'm about to get medieval man... OBI-BOOK KENOBI!! It don't matter whether you're a Stormtrooper or the nWo, your ass is about to get waxed by the five-time Master Jedi champion, now can you dig that, [kneels and thrusts lightsaber upwards] sucka!!! [returns to normal and gives Goldust the lightsaber back] Take care of your business, man. [leaves]
Good evening. Based upon the fact that last week, The Undertaker defended the Undisputed Championship against Jeff Hardy on Raw and against Kurt Angle on SmackDown!, I have taken the liberty of giving The Undertaker a well-deserved night off. Furthermore, The Undertaker is preparing to welcome The Rock back to SmackDown! this Thursday night. However due to the controversy surrounding the Kurt Angle versus Undertaker match, the highlights of which you've just witnessed, and in the interest of fairness, the main event at Vengeance will now be Kurt Angle versus The Rock versus The Undertaker in a Triple Threat matchup for the Undisputed WWE Championship. Thank you.
BTBooker T
[in interview with Jonathan Coachman] The fact of the matter is this. Big Show, I'm 'bout to come out here and pull an Allen Iverson on yo' punk ass and show you why you don't put your hands on the [counts fingers on hand] five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion! Now can you dig that... [looks over and looks like he's seeing a ghost, but it's actually...]
[shaking Booker's hand] Booker T, so good to see you again, my friend.
BTBooker T
[to Coach after Eric walks off] Tell me I didn't just see that.
[With the one-hour countdown to naming a new Raw General Manager is up, Vince comes out]
You know, you don't realize this but it takes a real son of a bitch to be successful in this business. So from one son of a bitch to another, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of Raw - his name is ERIC BISCHOFF!
[Bischoff comes out and gives McMahon a deep embrace and raise their arms together. Bischoff heads down to the ring]
For those of you who may not know me... my name is Eric Bischoff, and I used to run WCW. Not that watered-down version, by the way, that invaded this company... but the real deal. You see, when I ran WCW, I became famous. That's right. I was the only person EVER able to take it right to Vince McMahon. That would be me. In fact, when Vince was out here a couple weeks ago talking about ruthless aggression... just who the hell do you think he was talking about? That, of course, would be me - I've personified ruthless aggression.
When Vince McMahon needed star power, I was ruthless. Hell, I signed everybody he had! Hulk Hogan - Randy Savage - Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Roddy Piper, it went on and on and on, hell - I was like a kid in a candy store! I signed Bobby "the Brain" Heenan and Mean Gene Okerlund... just for the hell of it! Just because I could. But what I really did... is I took this little family business, this McMahon monopoly, and I gave it one big swift kick in the crotch. And it was sweet. In fact, while Vince McMahon was on trial with the federal government, he took his eye off the ball - and I raided his company dry.
And for all of you people who say the only reason I was successful is because I had Ted Turner's money, I've got news for each and every one of you - I was successful because I was innovative. In fact, I was cutting edge, remember - remember back when Raw was taped every other week and Nitro was live, and I decided to go on the air two minutes before Raw, and I gave away everything that happened on Raw so YOU people didn't have to watch it? Oh, DAMN! That was ruthless. And it was a little aggressive, but it worked. And how about Alundra Blayze, you remember her? Vince's Woman's World Champion, I signed her away and I said 'hey, Alundra, bring your belt to Nitro,' she didn't really want to, but I made her, 'cause... she worked for me. And I had her go out on national television and throw it in the trash! Hahaha... that one killed me, it was a little ruthless, it was a little aggressive, but it worked.
But you know what the important thing was? Is I forced Vince McMahon to change the way he did television. I did. Because on Nitro, I gave away a competitive main event every week with big stars! Hell, WCW Nitro changed the face of sports entertainment forever! And I singlehandedly forced Vince McMahon to change the way HE did business so HE could keep up with ME. It was beautiful. Hey, remember when I created the nWo? Cutting edge! Ruthless! Aggressive! Not some stale retread. Nitro beat Raw 84 WEEKS IN A ROW. Eighty-four weeks in a row, and I came THIS close - can you see it? THIS close to putting this company out of business forever. Singlehandedly!
So naturally, I was a little surprised when my phone rang...and on the other end was none other than Vince McMahon, and he said 'hey Eric, whaddaya think about becoming the general manager of Raw?' Well I gotta tell ya, I was surprised. I was DAMN surprised. But then the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me - because you see if there's one person - ONE person who can take this... struggling franchise, and turn it into a national media powerhouse! Well... that would be... ME. And it's gonna start right here on Raw, and we're gonna kick it off this Sunday at Vengeance. Because there was one thing that I really wanted to do when I was running WCW, never got the job done, one piece of talent that I could never sign away. Just one. And I'm absolutely convinced - absolutely convinced that if I would have been able to sign him that right now, today, Nitro would be on the air, and Vince McMahon, my new best friend, with all due respect, would be working for me. But that's okay. Because it's not gonna be the nWo that signs Triple H - uh uh - that would be me.
And for all of the rest of you in the back - some of you I've had a chance to work with, some of you I'm meeting for the very first time - one thing I'm sure you'll all agree on is that people generally like working for me - it's really not about the money - truly, it's not. People are drawn to winners - you people are drawn to winners - Mr. McMahon was drawn to a winner, which is why he hired me. Let's face it: the WWE needs me - you people DESERVE me - and there's one thing I wanna promise each and every one of you people. I am here to put the 'E' in WWE.
