[on the Bushwhackers' walk to the ring] Gorilla, I noticed you the other night walking through the casino looking like that.
Me?! Walking through it looking like that?
Walking like that. Why is that?
Was I? Well, sometimes it happens. You know, you get caught...
Were you hittin' the joy juice, Gorilla?
You know what that does to animals.
Yeah, no, I never partake.
Here's two guys that look like they're on the joy juice. Some kind of juice.
I tell you what, in your day, Jess, they would've been tough for anybody because they're so unorthodox.
What do you mean, in my day? When was I around, when Henry Ford built his first car?
No, but you were around when I was still in the squared circle and I've retired.
You don't think so. I remember it quite well.
Look at this, they got poor Jimmy's coat, and these guys'd probably eat it. They probably didn't get enough to eat at brunch.
Rick Martel, what kind of an explanation do you have for actions out there?! You left Tito Santana high and dry! You walked away from your tag team partner!
RMRick Martel
Well, as far as I'm concerned, he just got what he deserved. I'm sick and tired of him, and I'm sick and tired of carrying him around. I was doing great when...ever since I've been in WWF as a singles wrestler, but no—Mr. Tito wants to ride my coattail once more. I'm sick and tired of him; I've been carrying him around too long already!
Wait a minute, Martel, you're out of line. Strike Force was supposed to be a team! A team!
MMartel
I don't want to be associated with that guy, he's a loser! You saw his timing was way off. You're lucky that being the gentleman that I am that I just walked off. That could have been a lot worse for you Tito Santana. I'm tired, I'm fed up with you!
Ladies and gentleman, as a very special attraction of WrestleMania V, it is now time for Piper's Pit!
Without any further ado, let me introduce to you a man who needs no introduction. A man who hosts his very own talk show named after him. A man who thru thick and thin has never backed down from anyone. A man who pulls no punches and does things his way. A man who when you say 'Rowdy', there's only one....Ladies and gentlemen...
[Rowdy Roddy Piper's theme hits]
Well, it's been a long time since we've seen the Rowdy one Gorilla.
I can't wait to get a look at him. {The curtain rises, but instead of Rowdy Roddy Piper, Brother Love appears. Wait a minute!
What's he doing with a kilt on? Come on.
Boy Gorilla, did you get taken for a ride on that one?
What is this, some kind of a joke or what?
Fooled you. Fooled Howard Finkel. Fooled everybody.
Take a look at those legs. Are we saying at this particular time that the Rowdy one is not gonna make an appearance?
I don't know. But he got scared of Brother Love.
Well, where would Brother Love get that kilt from?
The same place he gets all those rings from.
Piper may be laying in the back beaten up by Brother Love.
And on top of that, with no pants.
Or I should say no skirt.
I'm sure we'll find out very shortly what's going on obviously a change in the order of events as to who is supposed to come out first.
Apparently, it's no longer gonna be a pit. It's gonna be the Brother Love Show.
[Howard Finkel introduces Brother Love to the audience]
He's talking to you Gorilla.
Yeah, well the feeling isn't mutual.
And welcome to the Brother Love show. And as my special guest, I have a very special guest. His name is Brother Rodney....Piper. [Brother Love sits down on one of the stools and continues] Brother Rodney, welcome to the Brother Love show. [Brother Love takes off his glasses, gets up and sits in the stool seated right next to him.]
He's not playing with a full deck.
[impersonating Rowdy Roddy Piper] Oh gosh Brother Love. You know, I gotta tell ya, it's a pleasure to be on your show. I watch ya every single week. Your on TV. Ya know, I love your show. I love it when ya say I love you just as much as you say you love me. I love it. I'm in awe.
You know, brother Morton, I love you. But you see, that doesn't mean that I like you.
MDMorton Downey Jr.
Let me tell you, Brother Love—any guy who wears a skirt, I don't want to love me.
Well, tell me, Brother Morton, how does feel to be here on The Brother Love Show? You see, I'm running the show here.
You ain't running nothing, fat boy, with a belly like that.
RRRowdy Roddy Piper
You know, Brother Love, with them cute little knees like that, your hair all breezed back, that cute little flower there, and that tie, the only thing that bothers me is that your face is red, and I don't know if that's high blood pressure, or you're just scared to death of me.
[Piper screams once, sending Brother Love back in a fright]
Well so far, we know he's a liar.
Is there anything about you at all that may be from Scotland?
If you're a little bit Scotch, then— Scotch, did you say?
Scotch is what a Scotsman drinks. Now if you are any part of you a Scotsman, then...under that skirt there...
No, no, this here's a kilt; that's a dress, baby.
That looks more like a dress.
[Starts to look under Piper's kilt]
I'll bite your face off if you do that. Tell me. If you are a real Scotsman, then you don't got nothin' under that kilt there, do you? Huh? No, I mean it! If you are a real Scotsman, there ain't a lick of thing under there. Excuse me, I should rephrase that. I don't mean he hasn't got anything under the kilt, I should say you're not wearing anything. We all know you ain't got nothin' under there!
You know, there was, a long time ago, there was a great bass tenor, and he was your father. He was an Irish tenor. His name wasn't Downey. Why do you call yourself Morton Downey Jr.?
That's the name your mama wanted to call me from the husband who reared me.
[Piper steps away contemplating revenge for the burn, but comes back with a smile]
Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my. Funny guy. Okay. Tell me something, Mr. Downey. You used to have all these nasty warts all over your face—big, nasty green ones. The only thing you could go out with was a guy who rang bells and used to walk [with hunchback] hello, nice to see ya. What happened to the warts?
I gave them to a homeless warthog.
I didn't know your girlfriend was homeless.
I'm gonna ask you one more time, please don't blow the smoke in my face. I'm talking to a guy, this is the guy here that said...[Morton takes a puff and blows it out towards the audience] Thank you very much, that's mighty white of you. This is the guy here... [Morton takes another puff, and immediately turns and blows in Piper's face] You know, that's, like, the fourth time you've done that, and I'm goin' say this to you again: Don't blow no more smoke in my face. Do you understand that?
Try it. Try it. You'll like it. [Morton slowly blows in Piper's face, who takes it in] You like it? That good? Think about that. That's good. That's good. That's good for you, that's healthy. Look, you could live as long as I have.
You know something? You know, wait a second. I judged you wrong! That's true, that was kind of nice. Gave me that kind of aromas, early goat's flavor in my lungs, made my skin yellow. You know, would you happen to have one of those for me? I'd like to smoke one of them. Would you mind just lighting up one of them puppies, and give it on over to ol' Hot Rod here, would you? Do that for me. [As Morton's back in turned, Piper lifts and replaces a stool, revealing a fire extinguisher, which Piper picks up] Yo, Mr. Downey, give me that smoke, would ya?
[As Morton turns around, Piper blasts the extinguisher in his face, sending him to the ground.]
I think the fire's out, Jess.
[Following the premiere of the trailer of Hulk Hogan's movie No Holds Barred]
No Holds Barred. Holy mackerel! Jesse, I believe the Hulkster's invading your territory.
[outraged] How dare him step into Hollywood, Gorilla Monsoon! Let me tell you something, Hulk Hogan. Hollywood is my domain. But I can see why you're doing it. You're doing it, Hogan, because you're going to lose to the Macho Man! And when you lose to him, you're going to have no job Hulk Hogan! So you're going to have to come out to Hollywood? Try to invade my territory? It ain't big enough for the both of us Hogan! But if you want to come out, I'll give Hogan a job in Hollywood, HE CAN DRIVE MY LIMO!!
Completely bent out of shape, Jesse Ventura. Talking about people infringing on his territory. Merely, the Hulkster's gone out and made a movie, the name of it, No Holds Barred. Boy, we've seen plenty of action so far here in Wrestlemania V. Of course, Demolition retaining their World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship belts and did it in a really good fashion, putting away Mr. Fuji. [Jesse returns] You're having second thoughts? It was very unprofessional of you, Jess, to just storm out of here like that.
I'm a professional, Monsoon. They're paying me big money to be here. I'll earn it and don't you give me no hard time. I've had enough for now!
Hulk Hogan, the only thing I can say what a difference a year makes. A year ago at this time at Wrestlemania IV, you were at the side of The Macho Man when he became the undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champ. One year later, here in Atlantic City, you're going to be challenging this very same man for the world crown.
Well, you know you're exactly right, Mean Gene! One year ago, brother, me and The Macho Man were as one! We were best of friends! We would do anything to win together, brother! And if you would've told me one year later right in the very same place that it started, in the Trump Plaza that we'd be locking horns, going head on head for the WWF Championship, I'd a called you a liar, Mean Gene! But you know something? I should've seen this thing coming, man. As The Mega Powers team was formed, brother, as the SummerSlams, as the Survivor Series went down, as the Mega Powers started growing together, the Mania was a little bit ahead of the Madness, man, but it really didn't matter! You were either in, or you were either out, brother! You either believe, or you didn't, man! And you were either ready, or you weren't! The Macho Man made me feel that he believed in the three demandments—of the prayers, the training, and the vitamins! He made me believe that he was in my corner, Mean Gene! And he also made me believe that he was ready to fight all odds! That's why I stuck with him, brother. That's why we stayed together so long.
You know it's that relationship with The Mega Powers deteriorated even further...Macho Man Randy Savage went so far as to attack your Hulkamaniacs.
Oh, yeah! He did more than just attack the Hulkamaniacs, brother! He went so far as to put our manager, the lovely Elizabeth, right between us, man! It was him that eaten alive by the jealousy! It was him that was eaten alive by the lust, brother! It was a simple fact that The Macho Man couldn't be the man that all my Hulkamanics wanted him to be, brother. He couldn't handle the load! He couldn't handle the pressure! But what really tore us apart, was the way he was so jealous of Hulkamania. The way he put Elizabeth between us. The way he manipulated her. The way he twisted this whole beautiful thing around! But I found out one thing, Macho Man. You're not a believer in the demandments, brother! Brother, you're a cheap shot artist! You take whatever you can, get as quick as you want! You were never in my corner! You were always on the outside waiting for me to make the first move! But just like Donald Trump, Macho Man, I hope you're ready, brother, because Donald Trump has questions in his own mind! He sent a whole team of seismologists out here to check the foundation of the Trump Towers! Because, when the Mega Powers explode off the launching pad, brother, as we erupt over the whole Atlantic City, he was worried about the foundation! He was worried that the thousands of people in the arenas might become unseated and swallowed by The Earth! Donald Trump, don't worry about my Hulkamaniacs. They're survivors. They're ready. But YOU, Macho Man, I don't care where you stand! I don't care what you believe in! All I'm want from you is your best! I want you to be ready! I want the Macho Madness to be at his peak, because when Hulkamania rules, when Hulkamania lives forever, when Hulkamania puts you down on your knees, I want the whole world to realize that I beat you at your best! And at the end of Wrestlemania V, I will be the World Wrestling Federation Champion! And whatcha gonna do, Macho Man, when the whole world full of Hulkamaniacs DESTROY YOU?