Lowell Mather quotes from Wings

Lowell

Captain Jazzbo? You've murdered Captain Jazzbo!!! I'll see you fry for this, Biggins!

Brian

You look a little tired.

Joe

No, I'm fine.

Brian

Hey, I know you Joe. You're the best pilot around but you're doing too much. You're running the office, you're flying the planes you keep this pace up you're gonna end up like Howard Hughes, locked in a hotel, sitting on Kleenex, sucking apple sauce through a straw.

Lowell

Isn't that something. All that money and his hobbies are the same as mine.

Brian

Really? He also used to collect toenail clippings and keep them in a mason jar.

Lowell

This is uncanny.

Joe

It never fails, every time I fly, I come back a little surer there's a God.

Lowell

I go down to the dump and shoot rats.

Brian

That's it, it's over. I'm doomed. Everything bad in the world always happens to me.

Lowell

Plane's fixed.

Brian

That's it! See, all you have to do is keep a positive attitude.

Fay

I just talked to the man upstairs.

Lowell

You just talked to the man upstairs?

Fay

Yes. Frank.

Lowell

God's name is Frank?

Fay

No--yes, that's right, Lowell.

Joe

What about the President of the Nantucket Nature Society? Lois...?

Fay

Lois Sanders. No I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car "I brake for field mice?" Well she did and... got rear-ended by a bus.

Lowell

I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "BEEP!"

Lowell

Back to work after spending two weeks at a great place.

Roy

Where did you go?

Lowell

Dollywood.

Roy

What did you like best about it?

Lowell

I enjoyed the majestic view of the Smoky Mountains.

Roy

So Dolly was there.

Lowell

You know Roy, I think Dolly Parton is a fine example of how great our country is. She was born into poverty in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee and worked to become a music superstar, then she gives back to her community by building an amusement park to bring much needed jobs and tourism to an impoverished zone of America. But all us guys ever do is make jokes about her bra size.

Roy

OK, Mather, sorry.

Lowell

No problem. I got you something.

I am Michael Lewentowicz. I am attorney who represents Angelo Donato.

Lowell

Oh yeah, the murderer.

Alleged murderer!

Lowell

I saw it with my own eyes.

You sure you did not need your glasses?

Lowell

I went to the eye doctor two weeks ago. He said all was good.

Were you distracted by a need to use the men's room?

Lowell

No; I have a bladder like a hippo.

Was it obscured by smoke?

Lowell

That place has a no smoking policy.

OK, let me be blunt. My client is a well-connected man. It would behoove you to forget about testimony.

Lowell

Disobey the courts? Listen buddy, you have a lot of nerve coming to me on my work time. You cannot intimidate me. This is not The Godfather, this is real life! Get out of my sight. Lawyer leaves resigned. Lowell thinks to himself what he just said and realizes he may be the target of organized crime. Lowell runs into office Joe, Brian, help!

Lowell

I am working on the plane, Joe.

Brian

You are not going into the Witness Protection Program?

Lowell

Yes, I am. They said I leave at 1300 hours. If there are 24 hours in a day that will be two months from now. By then you will be sick of me!

Joe

Uh, Lowell, were you in the military?

Lowell

No.

Mr. Mather, we need you to come with us.

Joe

They used military time. That means 1 in the afternoon.