Will & Grace · Season 3
[Will has just confessed to Grace that he's gay]
Look, if I can't have sex with you, I couldn't have sex with any woman! It's a compliment to you!
That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy, you turn me on," not "One look at you proves I'm a queer"!
[Will finds Jack taking clothes from his closet]
Hi.
What are you doing in the closet?
I could ask the same of you.
Hello, dear! You look so beautiful!
Mom giveth...
Why do you have to cock it up with that hair?
...And Mom taketh away.
HEY, PREGGO, WHAT? YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?
[Jack and Karen are talking to Pam, who doesn't realize that her boyfriend Tom is gay]
Ah cripes, honey, let me give it to you in a nutshell. Your boyfriend is a big, flaming, feather-wearing, man-kissing, disco-dancing... [takes a sip of her drink] Vermont-living, Christina Aguilera-loving, Mykonos-going... [to Jack] Honey, take it on home.
Tom's queer, dear.
Merry Christmas!
Hey friends, lovers, mothers and other strangers! You are never going to believe what happened to me. [trips] Oh, my God, did you see that? I almost did a half-nelson. I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, mister tomatoes. Huge news! I have met -- are you ready for this? Mister Right. Well, Mister Right Now anyway, ba-dum-dum. Goodnight folks, I'm here all week! Jack 2000! He works over at the Jumpin' Java. You know, that coffee shop over on 72nd, and his name is Paul, and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets; and the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets; and the sweatier he gets... I forgot where I am going with this, but the point is, me likey he and he likey me, and the best part is -- shazam! He gives me free ice coffee every time I go in, which is every hour on the hour and, thank you very much, and occasionally on the half hour. Ba-da-da-da-da-da! [blows raspberry]
Don't worry, Jackie, I'll kick coffee too! I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's straight. It'll still be the best part of waking up!
[Will is dating a man Jack is interested in]
Judas! You're Judas! This is exactly what happened with him!
I don't know that what happened there was a gay love triangle.
Oh, my God. I know this apartment. You'll never guess whose it is. You're gonna die.
We're all gonna die, Grace. The important thing is what you do while you're here.
Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.
I have no idea what you just said.
I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family. But when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling.
Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.
You said that money was no object.
Honey, that's just a saying, like, "Ooh, that sounds like fun," or "I love you."
Okay, basketball's not my game.
Yeah, I kind of suspected that when I suggested a game of Horse and you got down on all fours.
I knew that sounded too good to be true.
Look, you don't have to pretend to like sports for me.
Yes, I do. It's why you broke up with your last boyfriend, isn't it?
Do you really think I'm that shallow? I broke up with him because he was poor. I'm kidding! I'm kidding. We were just different. I like foreign movies. He liked foreign men.
Ring... Hello? What's that? I'm bored? Thanks for calling, bye bye
[Grace is trying to start up her Uncle Jerry's old car.]
Okay, here we go. [tries to start the car, but it just clicks] That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?
Oh, my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!
Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.
My family dropped me off at a convent when I was three. Yeah, they told me that I was going to the zoo. I was so excited. They dressed me up, gave me a lollipop. All I wanted to do was see the penguins. Ironic, isn't it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
