"Throw a holiday party, it'll be fun!" Tony said. "What could go wrong?"
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh, the day you've been dreading has finally come -- the day that you face off against Tony Stark's greatest adversary...
MHMaria Hill
"Greatest adversary"? What are you, a wealth tax?
The only difference between a hero and a villain is good PR. You see, redemption in this country, it isn't about penance. No, it's about rebranding, and that Hulk blood was gonna be my chance, and then you stole it from me, Happy Hogan. Don't worry; I will reverse-engineer it after I dissect your twitching corpse.
Don't let him spook you, Happy!
That's right, Ho-Ho-Hogan, I got your girl Friday, but all I want for Christmas is you.
Oh-ho! Gotta admit, that's some solid holiday wordplay.
Hey, thanks! Penthouse. Five minutes. Or your intern gets a bullet from Santa.
[Offended] But I'm adorable!
Oh, and Happy? Do us all a favor. Don't be a hero.
Turn the elevator on. I'm coming up.
WEW.E.R.N.E.R.
Guten tag.
HHill
Yes! Alright, we're up. Disengage the Veronica Hulkbuster Protocol.
WEW.E.R.N.E.R.
In the beginning, men controlled machines. Now machines control the fate of man.
HHill
Yeah, okay, right! Are you calling the Avengers?
WEW.E.R.N.E.R.
As they say in German, no.
HHill
What the hell is this program, Siri for nihilists?!
It sounds like my dad.
[after Happy saves him from falling to his death] You saved me? Why?
It's Christmas, Hammer. Goodwill towards men. Even the bad ones.
The Guardians of the Multiverse. Heroes plucked from across different realities to protect the fate of all of them. But you don't know her story. From the daughter of a mad Titan to the champion of a multiversal war, Gamora's path to becoming the hero of her story began in someone else's.
With his home on the verge of destruction, Tony Stark, self made Iron Man, made the ultimate hero's play. But in this universe, Tony never made it home.
GGamora
Your victory might've been glorious, but it will also be short.
Victory? Glory? People died. I lost a friend. Do you know what it's like to see your home world destroyed? Almost brought to its knees by a madman? Huh? Did you know about Daddy's plan? Did you watch as those things tried to break us?
GGamora
You were lucky. Next time..
There won't be a next time, Xena .
[to Valkyrie] My guess — and I'm in no way speaking from personal experience — you want the thrill. To feel alive, if only for a moment, y'know? So you can forget whatever mistake has you chasing that demon in a bottle.
VValkyrie
[putting down her bottle] First, Demon in a Bottle is sewer water. This is Demon Rum. Top-shelf. Gold label.
You're really gonna risk everything for a bunch of strangers on an alien junk planet?
Yeah, that's what I do. I'm Iron Man.
Iron Man? Wow! Your mother must be proud. I bet Mrs. Iron brags to all the neighbors.
VValkyrie
So, um, Mountain Man said something about the "spawn of Thanos" being on your tail.
Yeah. I hear he's the type you wouldn't wanna meet in a dark alley.
VValkyrie
You shouldn't be here, you should be running.
Ever hear of campground rules? "Always leave a place better than you found it."
GGrandmaster
[sings in falsetto] Woah, I'm melting... [in normal voice, unfazed] Hey, I like it. What is this? Woah, that feels good. Ooooh... viscous.
He smells like bad life choices.
I don't do sequels, normally. What's the point of revisiting the story when there are infinite stories to be told? But then, not every universe is home to a Captain Peggy Carter. The super-soldier, the hero of World War II, a woman quite literally ahead of her time. But there is only one Peggy Carter that I would call my friend. She and the Guardians of the Multiverse saved all of existence. I returned the heroes to their own worlds, the exact moments they left. Peggy, though, she thought her story was over, but it was only just beginning.
There's been rumors about the HYDRA Stomper's survival since the 1960s.
The 1960's?! Why wasn't I debriefed on this?
Because we didn't debrief you on Bigfoot, either!
Wait, what?
SSSecretary of State Barnes
I may be an old man, boys, but I've punched Nazis and shared beers with aliens. I can handle myself.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's What If...? pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.