A character in Welcome Back, Kotter
Played by Ron Palillo
Welcome Back, Kotter · 91 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Welcome Back, Kotter: in 17 of its 91 quotes
Most scenes with: Julie Kotter (11), Juan Epstein (6), Vinnie Barbarino (6)
Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.
You took a cab?
We're gonna give it back.
You stole a cab?
No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
HorshackThen why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?
Can anybody tell me who settled New Jersey?
HorshackOoh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!
Maybe Epstein has decided that there's more to being a man that winning or losing a fight. That manliness is not measured by the amount of macho a guy's got.
HorshackRight you are, Mr. Kotter! I get along without any macho at all.
Yeah, I'm holdin' it for him 'till he gets older.
Well, you had your little fun, now, Arnold. Now you're gonna fold, right?
HorshackEp-stine, I think it's high time I made a stand! [stands up]
Horshack!
HorshackI fold! [sits back down]
Hello, Arnold. Haven't you noticed you're wearing a green plastic bag?
HorshackI'm disguised as a green bean.
[in deep voice] Ho, ho, ho...and how are things in the valley, Little Sprout?
Horshack[in high-pitched voice] Fine and dandy, Jolly Green Giant! How's your niblets?
HorshackA woman is a sometime thing.
She'll take your heart and give it a fling.
HorshackBut when true love runs off its course...
Then she'll sue you for divorce.
HorshackAn integer is a counting number. If the sequence is 1,2; 2,3; 3,4; etc., the integer is apparent.
It's apparent to who?
HorshackSo find the value of 'X'?
'X'? I don't know.
HorshackRight! 'X' is unknown! So what's 'Y'?
'Y'?
Where?
[to Vinnie] You got as much chance being a priest as I do gettin' the lead in the school production of Snow White.
Yeah, and Freddie was the best one who read for the part. But, me and Horshack, see, we're still up for dwarfs.
HorshackYeah. Guess who's gonna play Dopey?
If I was casting, I'd have a rough time choosing.
Newspapers mold people's minds.
HorshackWho wants to make a moldy mind?
Miss Holzgang said we could draw our favorite thing, so I drew this bea-utiful girl! Oh!
HorshackI drew a picture of a cheese Whopper.
Yeah, and I drew a picture of Arnold getting heartburn.
And I drew a picture of me.
[about Epstein's drawing] At last I've got something to nail one of you Sweathogs!
HorshackOh, but Mr. Woodman, Rembrandt painted plenty of nudes.
Well, I wanna see Rembrandt in my office, too!
HorshackWe are all here to witness a miracle, the miracle of birth. And Mr. Kotter, miracles cannot be rushed.
Look, Arnold, I am... Arnold, what you just said, that was beautiful. It made a lot of sense.
HorshackOf course! Births cannot be rushed. For example, first, the stork has to be notified.
Where's my wife?
Well, she's in the labor room.
HorshackLabor room? They're making her work at a time like this?
HorshackMy name is Abu Kareem Hassan. What is, is. What was, will be. What will be, was, but will be again.
We better hurry up, I'm startin' to understand him.
Good night, Arnold. [kisses Horshack]
[audience cheers]
HorshackGood night...Julie.
Julie?
HorshackJulie.
Aw!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Welcome Back, Kotter pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
