Principal Woodman quotes from Welcome Back, Kotter

Woodman

[about Kotter and the Sweathogs] They do a lot of pretending in that class. They pretend to be students; he pretends to be a teacher.

Kotter

Vinnie's not the first Sweathog who ever ran.

Woodman

No, that's right. Back in 1962, Jerry Slater was disqualified for stuffing the ballot box... with his opponent.

Woodman

Now today, we will discuss the Revolutionary War. Now, who can tell me where that war started? Mr. Washington?

Freddie

Right. [whispers to Kotter] What's the answer?

Kotter

[whispering] Lexington and--

Freddie

Right. [stands up, clears throat] Lexington Avenue. Probably near 129th Street, by that barbecue, man. It's a tough neighborhood. A lot of wars went on over there.

Woodman

The world is divided into two parts--us and them. They're them! And come to think of it, you're them too.

Kotter

Yeah? Well, thank you. [in Groucho voice] That's the nicest remark I ever hoid.

[about Kotter] Teacher? This is a tough school.

That's the oldest punk I ever saw.

Woodman

I'm not a punk; I'm the vice principal.

Vice principal? This is a tough school.

Kotter

[to Carvelli] Hey! Enough of this lip service here. I came here for some action! Who's the first guy that wants to lose control of his face?

Epstein

[to Kotter] Will you cool it?

Who is that guy?

Freddie

Him? He's our teacher.

[about Kotter] Teacher? This is a tough school.

That's the oldest punk I ever saw.

Woodman

I'm not a punk; I'm the vice principal.

Vice principal? This is a tough school.

Vinnie

I ain't gonna hurt any old relics. Not even Mr. Woodman.

Woodman

Get bent, Barbarino!

Woodman

A fine young lady like you doesn't belong with Sweathogs.

Oh, yeah? In your horn with an ear of corn!

Woodman

She's a Sweathog!

Woodman

Now, now, now, Juan, you hot-blooded young turk!

Epstein

I'm a Puerto Rican Jew!

Woodman

Same thing. Your blood is hot.

Woodman

Uh, four hundred and fifty, uh, Captain Chicken.

Kotter

It can't be. It sounds like him, but it couldn't be. [turns and sees Woodman] It is.

Woodman

Kotter! What are you doing here, and in that costume?

Kotter

Well, my dog suit was in the cleaners. What was that number you guessed?

Woodman

Four hundred and fifty. Do I get a free dinner?

Kotter

No, I'm sorry. You're a few bones shy.

Woodman

[about Epstein's drawing] At last I've got something to nail one of you Sweathogs!

Horshack

Oh, but Mr. Woodman, Rembrandt painted plenty of nudes.

Woodman

Well, I wanna see Rembrandt in my office, too!

Woodman

I'm breaking up the Sweathogs. It's like breaking up the old Yankees. You thought you had me, didn't you? Two outs, bottom of the ninth, but old Woodman hit a home run, and I win! I win, Kotter!

Kotter

How long have you been without your medication, Mr. Woodman?

Woodman

Teaching this class is about as much fun as root canal work.

Epstein

I thought all the routes to your canal dried up a long time ago!

Kotter

[about Horshack] He has joined the cult of Baba Bebe.

Woodman

Baba Bebe? You mean the one who brainwashes young people?

Woodman

My kind of guy! [laughs]