Vinnie Barbarino quotes from Welcome Back, Kotter

Vinnie

I feel like this is just the beginning. Today, Buchanan, tomorrow, who knows? Governor Barbarino, Senator Barbarino, Emperor Barbarino! [Sweathogs cheer] You know, Julius Caesar was an Italian.

Vinnie

I figure you only go 'round once in your life, right? So why go 'round the 11th grade twice?

Vinnie

Mr. Woodman, why don't you take a couple days off and go hang gliding? It's good weather for it: no wind.

Kotter

Just think of a debate as sort of a, um, rumble with words.

Vinnie

You mean like, 'Up your nose with a garden hose?'

Vinnie

You scratch my back, I scratch yours.

Kotter

I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.

Epstein

Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.

Kotter

You took a cab?

Epstein

We're gonna give it back.

Kotter

You stole a cab?

Vinnie

No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.

Horshack

Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?

Vinnie

You're late.

Freddie

That's your fourth tardy this semester.

Epstein

Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]

Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.

Vinnie

You're not our friend. You're nothing but a teacher.

Kotter

Why can't I be your teacher and your friend?

Epstein

It don't work that way, Kotter. You see, in this vast universe of ours, people are divided into two groups, us and them. You're them.

Kotter

Maybe Epstein has decided that there's more to being a man that winning or losing a fight. That manliness is not measured by the amount of macho a guy's got.

Horshack

Right you are, Mr. Kotter! I get along without any macho at all.

Vinnie

Yeah, I'm holdin' it for him 'till he gets older.

Kotter

You went to the library where they keep the books?

Vinnie

Yeah. And for three whole days we spent lookin' up what you call legal 'presidents'.

Kotter

I'm a teacher. That's what it says on my locker, "Mr. Kotter, teacher." And I'm teaching a bunch of students called Sweathogs. Now, contrary to popular opinion, Sweathogs are not dumb. I mean, a dumb person does not think of a way to make it rain in the gymnasium.

Vinnie

I did that.

You know, Vinnie, you're so low, you could crawl under a pregnant ant!

Kotter

That's a good one, Vinnie.

Vinnie

Oh, yeah? Well, listen, Blimpo, you better watch yourself, or I'll let the air out of your dress.

You know, Vinnie, you're so low, you could crawl under a pregnant ant!

Kotter

That's a good one, Vinnie.

Vinnie

Oh, yeah? Well, listen, Blimpo, you better watch yourself, or I'll let the air out of your dress.

Kotter

Hey, Judy, I understand there's three kids in your family...one of each. Barbarino, I understand when you was born, they took one look at your face and then they turned you over and said, "Hey, look, twins."

Kotter

Has it occurred to any of you that by trying to help Horshack, you're hurting him? You're not giving him a chance to prove himself outside the Sweathogs. You gotta let him try and make new friends.

Vinnie

Something wrong with his old friends?

Epstein

Yeah, you couldn't give friends like us away.

Kotter

You got a point there, Epstein.

Vinnie

I happen to know this girl. She's a little too, uh, old for me. She's nineteen. But believe me, she's ready to trot!

Kotter

Ready to trot?

Vinnie

Yeah.

Kotter

Then take her out to Yonkers Raceway.