Veronica Mars Season 2 quotes

Weevil

This is pointless.

Beaver

[sighs] Okay, look, so you know quadratic equations, right?

Weevil

Do I look like someone who knows quadratic equations, huh?

Beaver

I'm just trying to see what you already know.

Weevil

Zero! You want your car fixed? Teach me.

Beaver

Okay, okay. All right, look, so this equation right here, what do you think we should do first?

Weevil

Am I a five-year-old girl, huh? Lay it out for me, dawg, c'mon! Make me understand.

Beaver

Okay, okay! Okay, so let's say that you and your buddy wanna buy a 12-pack of a certain item, say, like, uh, spark plugs for "X" dollars, and you wanna find out how many of another item, like, um, I dunno, like oil, that you can get for the same amount. Except oil is "Y" times as much -

Weevil

If this is your idea of terms I'll understand, I'm going to kill you. Or myself. It's a toss-up. Screw it, man. I'll just cheat.

Beaver

No, look... but what about my car?

Weevil

You know power buffers, right? Well, let's say your door panel is a summer home, right, and you need to clear out the south lawn to make a tennis court, so -

Mac

[from next table over] F-O-I-L. That's all it is. First, Outside, Inside, Last. All algebra - it's just the formula.

Weevil

Now can you teach me that?

Mac

You'll still fix his car?

Weevil

That's the deal.

Mac

Okay, say you and your buddy buy a 12-pack of spark plugs... [Weevil glares] I'm just kidding.

Weevil

Okay, you put another "X" on that paper, and we're gonna have a problem.

Mac

I'd put little smiley faces, but I don't know if that's gonna sell "wrong."

Beaver

I told you you went too fast on balancing equations.

Mac

I didn't go too fast!

Beaver

You plowed right through! I didn't even understand what you were talking about.

Mac

No surprise there.

Beaver

What, you're saying you're smarter than me?

Mac

No, I wasn't. Here's what that would've sounded like: "I'm smarter than you." Hear the difference?

Beaver

You don't really believe that.

Mac

Then why did I get it tattooed on my hip?

Beaver

If this what you need to do to feel better about yourself...

Mac

[to Weevil] If I get you an A, will you shiv him?

Weevil

Hey, I got an idea. How about you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some coat room and then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?

Veronica

[voiceover] So this is how it is. The innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. ...There is neither a Santa Claus, nor an Easter Bunny, and there no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason, and nothing makes any sense.

Keith

I'm on a flight to Reno leaving an hour after graduation.

Veronica

I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen.

Keith

That's why I rarely go to Texas.

Keith

For you, on this momentous occasion. [hands her an envelope]

Veronica

[smells and shakes envelope] A pony?!

Clemmons

I can't decide if my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything I should know in case I get another one like you someday?

Veronica

Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool, Mr. C.

Veronica

Where's your brother?

Dick

I think he took Ghost World up to his room. They're probably up there makin' love. Or playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or both, at the same time. They're both, like, 12th-level dorks. Just sayin'.

Keith

You all packed?

Veronica

Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character.

Beaver

[after blowing up the plane] I know this might be a [snickers] bad time to ask for a favor... How would you feel, now that you have nothing left to live for, about just rolling yourself off? It's just, I really don't want your DNA all over my shirt.