Hey, Berg, what have you done to him?
Hey, this wasn't me, cause I'm the one who said he shouldn't break up with you!
No!
I don't believe you!
No, I wasn't! He's evil!
He may be evil, but at least he's honest!
In ten years from now, when you're fat, and alone, and you have to wear a baseball cap at Club Med to hide your hair transplants, remember: you had a good thing here, and you blew it.
I don't believe it, she broke up with me! I just got dumped.
Hee hee, boy did you ever! And in front of everybody, too!
Sharon, if you don't like it, quit. Life's a waste unless you're doing what you love.
You're right! I mean, I can do anything I want! I mean, I'm smart!
Absolutely right.
Yeah, I'm motivated!
Yes, you are.
I'm a people person!
I got to go back and count my pepperonis.
I am! Aren't I, Berg?
Shar! You're a lot of things, but 'people person'? It goes the Unibomber and then you.
Hey!
No! (kisses her forehead) That's why we love you!
Jeez, you two fight like a couple of broads! Kick his ass, Pete!
I can't, he's wearing my shirt.
You know, I was in love once. We shared a flat in France. Then the war came, all hell broke loose. Somehow I found myself in Morocco running a nightclub and she walked back into my life. But by then she was married. Don't do what I did, son. Don't let her get on that plane!
It's okay, Mr. Bauer. You'll always have Paris.
7.48: having used eight hundred times the normal daily recommended dose, now experiencing a side effect of feeling extremely honest and, uh, forthright. I've never been more afraid in my life.
I did a bad thing.
Who, Berg? Who did you do a bad thing to?
CCustomer
Hey, can I see a menu?
It's a pizza place!
There's no blueprint for life! Okay, first it's meiosis, out of the womb, snip. Then you get a big ol' aneurysm and you slump over your desk! Okay, everything in between just happens, Pete! Enjoy it.
That's why you have me.
Are you gonna have my children?
There is an experiment at M.I.T. next week.
Hey, Berg, what do you think's gonna happen to Sharon?
I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids--
(banging on window) Get your butts back in here!
(fondly) --take over Cuba!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.