Alan, Charlie and others in “My Son's Enormous Head”

So what's the deal? Does, uh, Chelsea have a cold?

I'm not sure. Cold, flu, something disgusting.

Maybe she has an STD.

What?

It means "sexually transmitted disease".

I know what STD's are!

Your uncle helped invent them.

You know, they can be prevented by using a condom.

I know we could have prevented you by using a condom. Now we gotta use a hammer.

I don't understand.

Go get me a hammer, and I'll show you.

Okay. (walks to the utility room)

(to Alan) You must be so proud.

(from the utility room) Ballpeen or claw hammer?

Do me a favour. When he comes back, just do it.