Alan and Charlie in “Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head”

When Judith was pregnant with Jake, I-- I don't know if it was hormones or pheromones, but... she just couldn't get enough of me. And ever since then, every time I see a pregnant woman I just... [lustful moan]

OK, seriously, you got to stop that.

I am telling you, it was nine months of the hottest sex we've ever had, even with the morning sickness and hemorrhoids.

Oh. Maybe that explains Jake's grades.

The morning sickness and hemorrhoids?

No, the repeated blows to his unformed head.

You are-- are such an idiot. All the experts agree that sex during pregnancy is not harmful to the baby.

Experts, schmexperts. Tonight when you're sleeping, I'm gonna come in and start poking you in the ear with a hot dog. See how you like it.