Alan
Wait a minute, you don't consider me a friend?
Charlie
It's not up to me. A friend is someone you choose, a brother is someone you get...
Alan
Excuse me?
Charlie
There's no choice involved! Your dad just wakes you up in the middle of the night and says, "Your mom wasn't really fat and this isn't your room anymore."
Alan
But you wanted me to live here with you. You offered me.
Charlie
Well, actually I wanted Jake to come live with me but I figured, you two are a package deal.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Two and a Half Men quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.