[talking about the problems on the Range Rover]
They did suffer a few problems, I mean it was with stuff like the paintwork. Interior trim, bit rattly. Engines, they can be a problem.
Yeah, the 4-litre.
And the 4.6.
And the diesel.
All the engines.
S1 E10December 29th, 2002
[reviewing the nominations for the 'Weirdest Renault' category]
The Vel Satis. It's a businessman's car, but only if your business is Enron. The Mégane; a family car, but only if your family is The Osbournes. And the Avantime; it's a sporty coupe, but only if you don't want a car that's sporty. Or a coupe.
S2 E1May 11th, 2003
[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's Top Gear: Richard Hammond in a V8 tumbledryer; The classiest way to bankrupt yourself; And we turn up the heat on the world's dullest car!
It's the trouble, brothers and sisters - they're all related.
[On his Bentley T2] I've got furniture that handles better than this thing!
[while driving a Bowler Wildcat off-road vehicle]
I am a driving god!
It's in the script I should argue with you, but I'm not going to because I love that car. Anyway, that's it for this evening, and--
Actually, no it's not, that isn't it, because--
It seems the Driving God has more to say, at this point. What is it, Driving God?
Things I wish I'd never said...
[on the Smart Roadster's transmission]
The thing is, it's a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever... "Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power sta-- I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I'm gonna swap some cogs around!"
[on the Smart Roadster]
In fact, it has exactly the same top speed as Henry the Eighth.
[Introducing guest Vinnie Jones.]
He would drive a large Mercedes to a fight and occasionally during that fight a game of football might break out.
Now as I understand it you still hold the world record for being sent off in a game of football, don't you? Cause it's five seconds wasn't it?
VVinnie
Yeah, this was... I ran on and it was like a minute.
No, you've done it in five seconds, that's quicker than a minute.
VVinnie
Well no, 'bout a second actually. Mostly came on...
One second?
VVinnie
Yeah.
See, I'm intrigued, not being a footballist I have to admit, how do you reach an opposing player to commit some kind of atrocity in that time?
S2 E2May 18th, 2003
[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's Top Gear: Jamie Oliver's meals on wheels; A German sledgehammer in a velvet bag; And which is the fastest political party?
[during the news]
I was driving through East London this week and I got shot. OK? Now the thing -
Eh?!
I was shot.
At last!
Well, they didn't hit me, but they hit the car - no, honestly, the windscreen. So now I've got -
What with?
[casually] An AK-47.
[on Jeremy being told by his auto glass repair people that his Mercedes-Benz had to stay at their shop overnight so the glue on his replacement windscreen could set]
Did they by any chance try telling you that the glue will set better if it's left parked outside a nightclub all night, maybe?
[on the Lexus LS300's colour rear-view video camera]
You have to get a more expensive television licence to reverse that car.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.