Glowface quotes from The X's

Glowface

(on Truman) He reminds me of myself at that age. Only his mom didn't make him take accordion lessons. (beat) True- true story, right over here.

(baffled) Accordion lessons?

Glowface

You know, Lorenzo, I've been thinking for some time that I need someone I can groom as a successor. I need a second-in-command!

(taken aback) Sir, I'm your second-in-command!

Glowface

Right, so you see my problem. (Lorenzo pouts)

Glowface

You know, buddy, we may be doomed, but there's no one I'd rather face a fiery demise with than you.

(smiles and pats Glowface's helmet, touched by his words) Ditto, sir.

Glowface

And I'm sorry I called you "Lorenzo".

I am Lorenzo.

Glowface

Whatever!

Glowface

(on the Money Bestinkifier) Once activated, this device will render all the money in the world smelly! Check it out! (holds out a smelly dollar bill and Lorenzo takes a whiff)

Oh my... (faints)

Glowface

See, it works great!

Glowface

Ooh, the Y's! Lorenzo, how's my hair?

You have none, sir.

Glowface

Then fetch me some!

Tuesday

(feigning a Cockney accent) 'Ello, guv'nor. 'Ow's about a spot of toad in the 'ole?

Glowface

(confused) Uh, what?

Tuesday

(drops the accent) I don't know! I have an accent now, okay?

Glowface

Where are the X's?

Home Base

You just missed them, you blithering idiot!

Glowface

(after demonstrating his Sonic Destructor) Now the Grand Canyon is nothing but a giant hole in the ground!

Tuesday

But...

Don't bother.

Glowface

(with his voice scrambler on, sounding like a young boy, as he and Lorenzo unzip their disguises) My plan worked perfectly! (jumps off his stilts and turns off his voice scrambler, then clears his throat) Worked perfectly!

(with his own voice scrambler on, sounding like a girl) Uh-huh. But, sir, couldn't we have--

Glowface

Turn that off!

(notices Glowface squirming and whimpering) Sir, is something wrong?

Glowface

Yes! I'm finally about to see the X's destroyed and I have to pee-pee!

Then I suggest you hurry up and go.

Glowface

But I might miss it!

Glowface

(half-asleep) Auntie Gladys, is that you?

Tuesday

Uh... (feigns a Southern accent) yes.

Glowface

It's cold out here. Go back in your grave.

Sir, satellite reconnaissance shows that the X's are at this facility. It is believed to be a new SUPERIOR training camp called...

Glowface

Camp Katonka?! I... I went there when I was a kid. It was miserable. Mis-er-a-ble! And do you know why?

Because you don't know how to enjoy yourself?

Glowface

(having just arrived at Camp Katonka in a tank) Greetings, fellow Katonkians! (starts laughing evilly until he sees no one in front of him) Hello? (Tuesday clears her throat and he looks up, seeing that she and her parents are waving at him from inside a cage hanging from a crane, then he writes in a notepad) Capture the X's: done.

Excellent work, sir.

You went to Camp Katonka? No way!

Glowface

Don't you remember me?

Umm... nope.

Glowface

You don't, uh, remember short-sheeting my bed?

Got nothin' here.

Glowface

Gluing a skunk to my head?

Sorry.

Glowface

Snake in my trunk? Leeches in my underwear? Scorpion in my shoe? TURBO-WEDGIES?!

Wait, are you that tall girl from Des Moines?

Glowface

No!

Are you sure?