Fox Mulder quotes from The X-Files

Byers

Are you familiar with a post-World War II project known as Operation Paper Clip?

Mulder

Our deal with the devil. The U.S. government provided safe haven for certain Nazi war criminals in exchange for their scientific knowledge.

Langly

[Points at the picture.] I know who this man is. Victor Klemper.

Byers

The man standing next to your father is one of those criminals, though not the most famous of the bunch. Wernher von Braun, designer of the V-2 rockets that leveled London, may be the most notorious, but Victor Klemper certainly takes the prize for the most... evil Nazi to escape the Nuremburg trials.

Scully

What did he do?

Langly

He experimented on the Jews... drowned them, suffocated them, put them in pressure chambers. All in the name of science.

Byers

Together with Von Braun, Klemper helped us win the space race. Using his scientific data on the effects of high-altitude flying, we were able to put astronauts on the moon before the Soviets.

Langly

One giant step for mankind.

Clyde Bruckman

You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.

Mulder

Why are you telling me that?

Clyde Bruckman

Look, forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.

Clyde Bruckman

You're looking down. You stepped in a pie that's fallen to the floor. The killer comes up to you and... coconut cream.

Mulder

What?

Clyde Bruckman

The pie... eh, coconut cream, or, is it lemon meringue? I don't know, it's... not sure, it's, it's hazy. As long as you're looking down, he comes up with the knife and... banana cream! Definitely banana cream.

Clyde Bruckman

How can I see the future if it didn't already exist?

Mulder

Then if the future is written, then why bother to do anything?

Clyde Bruckman

Now you're catching on.

Mulder

Ok, but imagine if it was true, Scully. Imagine if you can come back [from the dead] and take out five people, who caused you to suffer. Who whould they be?

Scully

I only get five?

Mulder

[looks up at her] I've remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?

Mulder

The man was obsessed with reincarnation.

Scully

Being obsessed with it doesn't mean you can do it.

Mulder

No. Unless he knew something we don't.

Scully

Like what? The secret password?

Mulder

[referring to the abduction of her daughter] I know you must be feeling...

I'm sorry... but how could you really know how I feel?

Mulder

[referring to Lucy's seizure and incoherent speech] Whether she knew it or not, she's was repeating the exact words spoken by Amy's abductor at the exact same time, twenty miles across town.

Scully

That's spooky.

Mulder

[with a wry smile] That's my name, isn't it?

Mulder

Come on in.

Scully

What are you watching?

Mulder

Something that just came in the mail.

Scully

That's not your usual brand of entertainment... What is it?

Mulder

According to the magazine ad I answered, it's an alien autopsy. Guaranteed authentic.

Scully

You spent money for this?

Mulder

Twenty-nine ninety-five ..... plus shipping.

Scully

Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network, you can't even see what they're operating on!

Mulder

But it does look authentic, I mean the settings, the procedures. I mean it does look as if an actual autopsy is being prepared, doesn't it?

Scully

Well, technically, I don't know why they would be wearing gas masks.

Mulder

Well, maybe it's because of this green substance they seem to be extracting from the subject. Can you identify that?

Scully

Olive oil? Snake oil? I suppose you think it's alien blood?

Mulder

It's widely held that aliens don't have blood, Scully.

Scully

I guess this begs the question; if this is an alien autopsy...

Mulder

- where's the alien. But what so intriguing to me is the striking lack of detail here.

Scully

Well, what do you expect for $29.95?

Scully

I went to go see those MUFON members to find out about that woman, Betsy Hagopian.

Mulder

And what did you find?

Scully

I found out that she's dying. Along with a lot of other women who claim to be dying too. All of them who say that they've had these implanted in them. It's the same thing that I had removed from my own neck.

Mulder

But you're fine aren't you, Scully?

Scully

Am I? I don't know, Mulder. They said that they know me. That they've seen me before. It was freaky. They know things about me, about my disappearance.

Mulder

That is disturbing. But I don't think you should freak out until we find out what this thing is.

Mulder

Yeah, did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may be just giant symbolic dung heaps?

Scully

Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?

Well, it's my theory that UFOs are actually insect swarms. I don't know if you know anything about UFOs...

Mulder

[lets out a small faint murmur, turns head vaguely]

... but all the characteristics of a typical sighting are shared with nocturnal insects swarming through an electrical air field... the sudden appearance of a colored, glowing light hovering in the night sky, moving in a nonmechanical matter, possibly humming... creating interference with radio and television signals... then suddenly disappearing.

Mulder

As, uh... as nocturnal insect swarms. That's, uh... that's fascinating.

Mulder

Bambi also has this theory I've never come acro--

Scully

Who?

Mulder

Doctor Berenbaum. Anyway, her theory is--

Scully

Her name is Bambi?

Mulder

Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.

Scully

Her name is Bambi?

Mulder

Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. No, not... not a girlie scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? I mean, the mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was... repulsed.

Scully

Mulder... are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?

Scully

[Watching Dr. Berenbaum and Ivanov walking away] Well, think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's another invasion of artificially-intelligent, dung-eating robotic probes from outer space, maybe their uber-children will have devised a way to save our planet.

Mulder

You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully... but you smell bad.