The West Wing quotes

What did you think of the reverse town hall?

I didn't like your joke about being the first one unemployed.

That's just a funny line.

Shaving cream and seltzer are funny. Unemployment's not particularly funny.

I've got the Council Chair after this, we could go egg her house. Was there anything that you did like about the town hall?

Oh, sure, but I assume you have plenty of people around to tell you how great you are, and if you don't, you should hire some because they're wonderful.

Yeah. No, we pay a premium for that. Say, are you familiar with the Mommy Problem?

I am.

Do you think I have one?

That's something you're going to have to answer for yourself, because right now, Beltway Arnie is kicking you all around the electoral math, the White House is treating you like a fly on their governmental windshield. And I wonder if it's just Josh, or do you have what it takes to come out of the Candidate Protection Program and start kicking back.

Vinick

Hey, I'm proud of my voting record. Well, most of it. I'd quit the Senate in a second if I thought it'd help us win. Now it would just look like a cheap stunt.

Senator, what do you think of Congressman Santos doing his Reserve duty in the middle of the campaign?

Do you think it was a stunt?

Vinick

A stunt? No, that was... that was devotion to duty. That's what makes the American military the greatest fighting force in the history of the world. And I hope Congressman Santos continues to do his duty when I'm Commander-in-Chief.

Vinick

I've always won the Latino vote in California. Why should I give up on that now?

Bruno

Well, I don't know. Let me think. Well, maybe because you're running against a Latino candidate who's going to get about... 2,000 percent of the Latino vote.

You know, I introduced a guest worker program the first year I was in Congress. I couldn't even get a hearing on it. Vinick opens his mouth about it once, it's like he's parting the Red Sea.

If you agree with it you're going to look like a follower, not a leader.

He's the one that's following me on this.

It won't look like it; not now. We can't be chasing reporters around with a six-year old page from the Congressional Record to prove you got there first.

Yeah, well, I shouldn't have been hiding on these issues. I didn't want to be the brown candidate. I didn't want to be stereotyped. Josh was right; I should have gotten out in front of all this stuff during the primaries.

Bruno

He should resign the Senate now so we can't be forced into any more difficult votes.

[on the phone] He'd be breaking his promise to Californian voters to serve his full six-year term.

Bruno

We've already got enough problems with his voting record.

Vinick

Hey, I'm proud of my voting record. Well, most of it. I'd quit the Senate in a second if I thought it'd help us win. Now it would just look like a cheap stunt.

Bruno

I'm just saying...

We'll just have to turn the Senate into an advantage.

Bruno

No senator has won the Presidency since 1960. There is a reason for that.

Vinick

Sheila, will you please tell Bruno that when I make a decision, that's the end of the discussion.

Vinick

We've got to shake this up now. This is not business as usual.

Bruno

Santos got a polling bump from the Reserve thing. That is gonna disappear just as fast...

Vinick

Santos is not the standard-issue Democratic candidate.

Yeah, he's weaker than the standard-issue Democratic candidate.

Vinick

Matt Santos is a lot smarter and tougher than you think. We've got to take it to him. We've got to put Santos in a jam. We can't just cross our fingers and hope for the Houston Police Union to do it for us.

First one to go negative is a show of weakness.

Vinick

I want to knock him off message without ever mentioning his name.

Bruno

Look, we can find ways that can surprise him.

Vinick

I don't want to surprise him. I want to shock him.

Josh

After the round table we're going to have to put something out clarifying the Congressman's statement on Intelligent Design.

That says what, he thinks God's a moron?

Josh

He's running for President, not preacher-in-chief.

He's not going to use Medicaid for communion wafers. He said he believes in God, as did Abe Lincoln and George Washington.

Josh

We can't get sucked into these local issues.

Yes, except Republicans have nominated the first pro-choice and, by all accounts, anti-God candidate in history. For the first time, we have a chance to reach into their base and win back religious voters, to tell a swath of the heartland that maybe, just maybe, we have a nominee who's not hostile to their cultural values.

Clifford Reynolds. I teach English here at Leonard.

Nice to meet you, Clifford.

Thanks. May I ask you if you believe in the theory of evolution?

Well, I think it'd be very difficult to teach geology, anthropology, and zoology without evolution, so yes, I do. I don't believe it's contradictory to believe in science and believe in God.

Do you believe that the theory of Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution should be taught alongside each other in the public schools?

Absolutely not. One is based on science, the other is based on faith. Intelligent Design is not a scientific theory, it's a religious belief. And our Constitution does not allow for the teaching of religion in our public schools.

Many of us here would be more comfortable if our children were taught all points of view.

And I'm all for that. Evolution is not perfect. It doesn't answer every question but it is based on scientific facts; facts that can be predicted, tested, and proven. Intelligent Design asks theological questions. I'm sure that many of us would agree that at the beginning of all that begat-ing, something begun.

What was that something?

Congressman Santos, many of us want a version of science taught to our kids that's in accordance with our beliefs.

I understand. But can't we agree that the inclusion of non-scientific explanations into the science curriculum of our schools misrepresents the nature of science? And therefore compromises a central purpose in our public education which is the preparation of a scientifically literate workforce. If you have a problem with your child's education, get involved. If you have a problem with what the School Board wants to teach, run for School Board. We can never forget that the best way to preserve our democracy is to take part in it. Thanks for your question. Thank you all.

Annabeth

Try to get some sleep. The motorcade's going to pick you up at 7:00 am sharp at your hotel. Now, once you wrap it up with Russert you have a thirty-minute window to get to Face the Nation followed by a sit-down with the Post.

Leo

[as they wait for an elevator] Don't you ever get tired?

Annabeth

No.

Leo

And how is that?

Annabeth

I graduated cum laude with a degree in art history and if you'd told me I'd end up here... [they get into the elevator] ...let's just say I love my job.

Leo

What time is it?

Annabeth

[hands him his watch] Headed back to your hotel?

Leo

Yeah. It's been a day.

Annabeth

Hmm.

Leo

What are you up to?

Annabeth

Heading back to my apartment and a nice hot bath.

Leo

You feel like dinner?

Annabeth

I do, but--

Leo

We'll get a bite. It's early.

Annabeth

Thanks, but no. [pause] I just think it's better while we're spending so much time together that we try and keep our distance whenever possible.

Leo

[confused] Keep our distance?

Annabeth

Because of the tension. [walks out of the elevator]

Leo

What tension?

To be a person of faith is to have the world challenge that faith. Was the universe designed by God? That's up to everyone in this country to decide for themselves because the framers of our Constitution believed that if the people were to be sovereign and belong to different religions at the same time then our official religion would have to be no religion at all. It was a bold experiment then, as it is now. It wasn't meant to make us comfortable. It was meant to make us free.

C.J.

[to Toby] Good evening. You would not believe the day I had. I'd tell you about it if I could talk about it, but a bunch of stuff happened today that I can't talk about, so I guess I should stop talking about it. [hands a folder to Margaret] But the truth is, I'm so strung out and wired on caffeine that I can't even tell what room I'm in.

Toby

C.J....

C.J.

Let's open that bottle of champagne you gave me for my birthday. Maybe the alcohol will balance out the caffeine.

Toby

C.J., the leak--

C.J.

[gets out the bottle of champagne and two glasses] Let's have a toast. One final toast before I leave the White House for my perp walk in leg irons. Here, you open it.

Toby

C.J.

C.J.

Fine, I'll open it. But just, uh, listen to what I have to say. Leo's in trouble.

Toby

I know.

C.J.

You do?

Toby

I got a lawyer.

C.J.

What?

Toby

I got a lawyer.

Toby

I did it.

Margaret

I reached Oliver Babish. He says you owe him a raspberry panna cotta cheesecake.

CJ

He'll live.

Margaret

Longer, probably.

Babish

Who were you talking to?

Toby

My attorney's voice mail.

My instructions were that you sit quietly.

Toby

I'm pretty sure I used my indoor voice.

I was thinking while you were asleep.

Josh

I wasn't asleep.

Oh, really? With the drooling, the twitching, and muttering to yourself, which might otherwise be described as a schizophrenic episode, I'd go with 'You were sleeping.'