The West Wing quotes

Toby

We're fumbling. Our diplomatic strategy is a game of telephone.

Bartlet

Read the coverage. We're doing fine.

Toby

Today, sure, and the second day's story is how you pulled it off. But the third-day story is that Congress doesn't want to pay, that our coalition's fraying, that the spokes are coming off the wheels–

Bartlet

It's a couple of days. This was totally unexpected.

Toby

No, it wasn't. Not with Leo's history with alcohol, with pills. Mr. President, surely you had a process in place.

Bartlet

Not for this. You think we'd even be doing this without him?

Toby

No, sir, but Leo is one person and there are 290 million more and they come first.

Abbey

You think this is your fault? It's not.

He's my best friend. I'm not the kind of person who has best friends.

Abbey

Because your life is your work, and so is his; your work.

What are you trying to say?

Abbey

You chose this; both of you. You're running a country, for God's sake, not a tree house.

Well, Leo stays in the tree house if he wants to. We'll work around his recovery; half-days, whatever it takes.

Abbey

He's not going to work half days. He's not going to work around his recovery. He's not going to do whatever it takes.

That's his decision.

Abbey

And we know what that decision is going to be.

So I should wake him up and fire him again? Because it worked so well the first time?

Abbey

Let's talk about this time. You've got to keep him out of that job. He'll kill himself for you if you don't.

Bartlet

I'd like to know why my Treasury Secretary's on national television denouncing a tax cut I never saw because of an estimate I never asked for.

Josh

We did offer to brief you on the details.

Bartlet

Brief me now.

Josh

We're not quite ready to brief you on the details.

Bartlet

Because you made a complete hash of it; the Leadership's sole request before taking up peacekeeping.

Toby

We're close to 60 Democratic votes.

Josh

It's just that you might face a decision about the fall legislative agenda.

Bartlet

What is that?

Toby

Would you prefer a bill to appoint an American monarch...

Josh

...or a ban on the institution of marriage, except in casinos and department stores.

Bartlet

You tell the Speaker and the Majority Leader that with my newfound royal authority, with all my free time now that my marriage has been banned, and with the support of every NATO member in my pocket I'm sending those peacekeepers to the Middle East. If Congress wants to feed them, pay them, or ever bring them back, that's entirely up to them.

Toby

I assume we're free to play with the language on that.

Bartlet

We're done here.

Leo

Mr. President.

Bartlet

A morphine drip, and we can skip the formalities. I might get one myself... wheel it into meetings with the joint chiefs. You're not fired, Leo. You can delegate, work part-time. Bring the morphine with you for all I care.

Leo

You... You remember... what you told me... when you offered me the job?

Bartlet

"I need you to jump off a cliff."

Leo

And I did. And I'd do it again. But you need a new... chief of staff.

Bartlet

We came here to put the job first. Spend our lives for something that would outlast us. I just thought we'd have a longer line of credit is all. I'm gonna need that list of names.

Leo

Only one name.

CJ

[to Margaret] You're an odd woman and I've never quite understood you. But you are extremely capable and you run this office like a Swiss watch. And you're tall, which is reassuring. Leo may need you and if he does, that's okay. But if he's willing to part with you, I hope you'll stay.

Bartlet

I'll make this quick. I don't know if I'm comfortable working this closely with a woman. Maybe it's time for me to call it a day, give the VP a chance to steer the ship.

Bartlet

[to Toby] You're weak. You have a weak will. You should have held it. See if she pulled out the Continuity of Government plan.

Will

He cracked up at the mere suggestion of the VP...

Toby

[Still giggling uncontrollably] I had a whole thing on spending time with my kids, I went up.

CJ

You are bad, bad men.

Bartlet

In the service of a vengeful god.

Will

On behalf of the Vice President and myself and every man who's ever had a Wonder Woman fantasy, it's a bright day.

CJ

Get out.

CJ

You got the energy quarterly?

Bartlet

I got it right here, thank you.

CJ

I'd like it back.

Bartlet

How about you get your own copy?

CJ

We're not ready to assess domestic nuclear storage facilities, sir. The team hasn't evaluated all the options and I haven't presented you with complete information.

Bartlet

You don't think this is a good start?

CJ

I think it's you doing my job for me. You're looking at this based on DOD's call. Their perspective is valid, but it's only one perspective, and until we've gathered all the others, if you need something to read, I recommend the new Benjamin Franklin bio. It's a real page turner. [Grabs papers and begins to exit] Thank you, Mr. President.

What was that?

Bartlet

I just got spanked.

Hmm... Sorry I missed it. She still nervous?

Bartlet

I don't think so, no.

Bartlet

[to CJ] I'm noticing a distinct slackening of awe, a certain lack of trembling in my presence.

Toby

On a scale of 1 to 10 - 10 being CJ and 1 being a chimp throwing feces - where do I rank?

Annabeth

How do you get women? Briefing the press is a seduction.

Toby

Briefing the press isn't a seduction. It's war!

Josh

My testosterone is flying.

Donna

Try not to get it on anyone.

Annabeth

[about Josh] He totaled a hybrid with an SUV. He's like an eco-terrorist in reverse.

Leo

One difference between the Mahatma and myself. I warn you there are others. You may browbeat me into using the breath spirometer. You may mother me about wound care. You may dole out the vicodin like my AA sponsor. You may even entertain me with nutrition lectures.

You need to eat.

Leo

You may not --- may not --- offer fashion advice.

Donna

I wasn't heroic. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'Settle for less?' This is from the guys that are running Bob Russell for President?