Sam Seaborn quotes from The West Wing

Sam

What's going on with you and Andy?

Toby

Nothing.

Sam

I think you're wrong.

Toby

I'm not.

Sam

I think you're getting back together.

Toby

We're not.

Sam

But you want to.

Toby

Yes.

Sam

I think... Wait. What?

Toby

See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.

Josh

Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.

Toby

Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.

Bartlet

Ten words. Ten words.

Josh

We don't have them yet, Mr. President.

Bartlet

All right, let's do a drill.

C.J.

Mr. President, despite a rise in tension around the globe, you've held up funding for a missile defense shield.

Bartlet

Too much money for too little protection.

Good.

Bartlet

Next.

Josh

Sir, you oppose a voucher system that would offer children a choice of better schools...

Bartlet

That would offer some children a choice of better schools, but I haven't given up the ghost on better schools for everybody, and vouchers drain money from that goal.

Toby

Mr. President, this next question is on capital punishment, which you oppose: If your youngest daughter Zoey was raped and murdered, would you not want to see the man responsible put to death?

Bartlet

First of all, it's important to understand the President doesn't make that decision, though he appoints the Supreme Court Justices who do so. What... any... um... All right, I'm not going to say that. I'll just go right to... No, I don't. I think you know that I'm opposed.... [sighs] Let's not do that. I haven't seen any evidence that it's a deterrent, and there are more effective... In my state...

Toby

Oh, my God.

Bartlet

What?

Toby

[to Leo] You weren't kidding. [to Bartlet] What's the matter with you? When I left you... I just mentioned your daughter being murdered, and you're giving us an answer that's not only soporific, it's barely human! Yes, you'd want to see him put to death. You'd want it to be cruel and unusual, which is why it's probably a good idea that fathers of murder victims don't have legal rights in these situations. Now, we're going back to school.

Bartlet

Let's go-- ten bucks. Crisis of confidence. [to Leo] You did one square foot of real estate.

Leo

Yes, I did.

Bartlet

Ten bucks for you. [to Toby] And you-- You big bear, come to me. I'm going to kiss you right on the mouth.

C.J.

Ten bucks.

Leo

Anything else, sir?

Bartlet

Work hard.

Thank you, sir.

Josh

[to Sam] Have a safe flight.

Sam

I'll see you in San Diego.

Josh

[to Toby] Sorry about that. It was the President's idea. He bet us you couldn't stay quiet if he gave a bad answer. What?

Toby

He's ready.

Sam

You wrote a concession?

Toby

Of course I wrote a concession. What, do you want to tempt the wrath of the... whatever, from high atop the thing?

Sam

No.

Toby

Then go outside, turn around three times and spit. What's the hell is the matter with you?

Sam

It's like, 25 degrees outside.

Toby

Go!

Sam

Did you know Toby wrote a concession speech?

Josh

Of course he wrote a concession speech. What possible reason would he have for not writing a concession speech?

Sam

The wrath from high atop the thing?

Toby

He upped and said we were gonna...

Josh

No! You gotta go outside, turn around three times and curse.

Toby

Spit.

Josh

Spit and curse.

Toby

Do everything.

Josh

Go!

Toby

Go!

GO!

CJ

Did you--?

Sam

Yes, I turned, I cursed, I spat, it froze.

Sam

She wanted a name for election night and I said, "Use my name," not thinking for a second it was ever going to be a practical option. Can I ask, is your office now The House of the Rising Sun?

CJ

Yes.

Toby

You did it for the widow.

Sam

Yes, and for a guy I met named Will Bailey who was running the campaign and worked his ass off and never backed off and, by the way, navigated a dead liberal Democrat to a win against Chuck Webb! Five hundred races tonight, that was pretty impressive. Though it was an Aristotelian confluence of events that could only happen to me.

C.J.

We think you should run.

Sam

Why? Why would you think something like that?

C.J.

Well, it was Josh's idea.

Josh

Actually, it was Amy's.

Sam

Why?

Amy

Well, I picked a trifecta with the California 47th, the sheriff's race in Arizona and the Tulsa Family Court.

Sam

Well, can I just give you the money and not...

Amy

I also think you'd be a home run choice. You're going to raise a lot of money. I'm going to help you and I have a hunch the President, who just won a landslide, will be making some visits as well. You'll be the best funded Democrat ever run in 47. You're not going to win, so you can't lose.

Josh

I think you'd energize the state party. We're not going to let you look like a fool. We won't allow it.

Sam

[to Toby] What do you think?

Toby

I don't think you should do it. Energizing the state party's good. A well-funded airing of the issues is good. So is mollifying House Democrats, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? You're going to lose. A Democrat's always loses in the 47th. Can't just pick up and try someplace else. They have a name for that.

Sam

I don't know. I don't know. I worked in a state assembly race in Manhattan, in a district where Democrats outnumbered Republicans sixteen to one. But everywhere we went, there'd be one lone poster of a right-wing nutbar who wanted to eliminate the income tax. And he was holding up signs an canvassing everywhere and bugging the local reporters until we had to comment on it. So I introduced myself to his campaign manager and I said 'What are you doing? Your candidate doesn't have a chance. Neither do your issues.' He said 'This is what I believe. And no candidate gets to run in my district without speaking to my issues.' I came this close to voting for him. So... I don't know about what you just said.

Toby

Then I think you should win.

Bartlet

Run towards yourself. I'm wrong about that - walk. You're not going to be used to your surroundings.

Sam

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you.

Bartlet

You're going to campaign on prescription drugs?

Sam

Our prescription drug bill-- yes, sir-- and our Medicare reforms and the Bartlet Energy Plan.

Bartlet

Sam.

Sam

Yes, sir?

Bartlet

It's okay to run away from me when you need to.

Sam

I would never, Mr. President. I simply would never do that. That's not how I'm getting votes.

Bartlet

I appreciate that but that's not what I'm talking about. You disagreed with me on Medicare. I remember the meeting right here. Then you wrote a five-page

Sam

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you. I'll just kill you, Sam.

Sam

Yes, sir.

Sam

[in jail] How'd you call Josh? Didn't they take your cell phone from you?

Toby

[motioning to a group of prostitutes] I used theirs.

Sam

So on a call-girl's phone bill, there's gonna be a call to Air Force One?

Toby

You really gonna be teaching a seminar on call-girl caution? Really?

Josh

This guy is the real deal.

Sam

You said that last time.

Josh

Yeah, and look how right I was.

Sam

I'm going to need time to think about this

Josh

Fine... You done yet?

Sam

Josh...

Josh

What's there to think about?

Sam

Well, for one thing, whether I want to end up looking like you.