Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Jenna

Dress. Ballerina.

Caroline

Puppy! Puppy...puppy with a tutu?

Damon

No...

Jenna

Dog. Hound. Hound dog. You ain't nothing but a hound dog!

Mason

Dances with Wolves.

Damon

[Stops drawing] Mason wins again.

Jenna

How is that a wolf?

Mason

Alaric, catch that game next week?

Alaric

Yeah. Looking forward to it.

Damon

Hey you know, I should probably head out, too. [to Jenna] Jenna, you are a wonderful hostess.

Jenna

And you are a terrible artist.

Damon

Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?

Jenna

Still deciding.

Damon

Good enough for me. [to Alaric] Alaric...let's not catch that game next week.

Katherine

Bad day?

Damon

Bad century. I heard you were on the loose.

Katherine

What's the matter? Jealous 'cause I spent the day with Stefan?

Damon

I don't do jealous. Not with you. Not anymore.

Katherine

Don't try to be the hero, Damon. You'll end up dead.

Damon

Been there, done that. At least this time it will have been worth it.

Damon

Man, I don't want peace!

Stefan

Consider it opposite day.

Sheriff Forbes

This is how it’s going to work. Answer me and you don't get shot. Understand? [pauses] How many of you are there?

Damon

Liz, please...

Sheriff Forbes

How did you fool us? How do you walk in the sun? [Shoots Stefan, who is still unconscious] I will drag this out painfully.

Damon

But you’re my friend.

Sheriff Forbes

Our friendship was a lie.

Sheriff Forbes

My daughter is gone.

Damon

You have no idea how wrong you are about that.

Elena

Caroline’s sleeping on the couch.

Damon

I heard. And you?

Elena

I'm going home. [stops at the door] What you did for Caroline’s mom, that’s the Damon who was my friend. [starts to leave]

Damon

Hey - Stefan didn't drink the people blood. If you were curious. But he needs too. And deep down, you know that.

Jeremy

I need to talk to you.

Damon

And why do I need to talk to you? (tries to shut the door)

Jeremy

(trying to convince Damon) Tyler has to kill someone to activate his curse. He's not a werewolf yet.

Damon

Wow, fascinating. Not enough. (tries to shut the door again)

Damon

If we start believing in supernatural witchy-woo from picture book, we’re idiots. Where is the stone now?

Jeremy

Tyler.

Damon

Can you get it?

Jeremy

Yeah.

Damon

See, now your life has purpose.

Jeremy

So you do believe it?

Damon

This is the same book that says that a werewolf bite kills a vampire. Ignoring it would make me an even bigger idiot.

Damon

Katherine’s with Mason Lockwood?

Stefan

We missed it. He got into town right after she did. It makes perfect sense.

Damon

I know, but Mason Lockwood? Werewolf thing aside, the guy’s a surfer. She’s gotta be using him. She has to be.

Stefan

Using him for what?

Damon

Mason Lockwood’s looking for a moon stone that allegedly can break the full moon werewolf curse. Maybe Katherine wants it as well.

Stefan

Why?

Damon

Well,...no idea. It’s the beauty of Katherine. She’s always up to something.

Bonnie

What do you want?

Damon

A favor.

Bonnie

Like that’s going to happen.

Damon

So predictable. That’s why I brought him.

Stefan

I know how you feel about helping us out, but since you’re the one that linked Mason with Katherine, we finally have an opportunity to get an upper hand on both of them, so just hear us out.

Damon

Pretty please.

Bonnie

I’m listening.

Stefan

(looks at his phone) I have to fill Elena in on what’s going on. (To Damon) Can you play nice, please?

Damon

I guess.

Damon

Let’s talk about that little witchy ju-ju thing you do with me. You know, the fun one where my brain bursts into flames? What is that?

Bonnie

That’s me giving you an aneurysm. Your blood vessels go 'pop'. But you heal quickly, so I do it over and over again.

Damon

Is it vampire-specific?

Bonnie

It’d work on anyone with a supernatural healing ability.

Damon

Good. Good, good.

Bonnie

Damon. I’m not going to help you hurt him.

Damon

Mason Lockwood’s a werewolf. Katherine’s evil. They’re the bad guys. Really? You’re going to play morality police with me right now? Let me put it to you another way: they’re a threat to Elena. So you, witch, are going to get over yourself and help us.

Stefan

Yeah, he meant that as a question with a “please” on the end.

Damon

Absolutely.

Damon

Here, grab that corner.

Bonnie

Why? What are we doing?

Damon

I don't wanna stain the carpet.

Bonnie

I knew you were going to say something like that.

Damon

You're judging again.

Damon

What do you want with the moonstone?

Mason

Screw you.

Damon

ERRRRRR! Wrong Answer!

Mason

I'm getting it for Katherine.

Damon

Why?

Mason

She's going to use it to lift the curse.

Damon

Of the moon? Now, why would a vampire help a werewolf break a curse that keeps them from turning whenever they want?

Mason

So I wouldn't have to turn anymore.

Damon

Why?

Mason

Because she loves me.

Damon

Awww. (laughs) Now I get it. You're just stupid. Katherine doesn't love you. She's using you, you moron.

Mason

I'm done talking.

Damon

Yes you are.