Alaric Saltzman quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Alaric

[Speaking to Jeremy] You know that your old teacher had a jackass file? No joke. It's typed on a label. It has all the troublemakers in it, but really it's just an opus to you.

Alaric

First person account of the Civil War? That's like porn for a history teacher.

Alaric

Can I get you a drink? I hear the punch is real...boss.

Alaric

This week we're gonna set aside our regular curriculum for a lesson in local history, as we approach Founder's Day. Apparently, the community leaders feel that's more important than World War II. But, hey, what do I know?

Alaric

Screw you, you selfish bitch.

Alaric

That Elijah is one scary dude - but with nice hair.

Alaric

Now get rid of him before Jenna comes back with dessert.

Alaric

I think you found a way to get out of bed this morning and that makes you the strongest person I know.

Alaric

You look, uh, not sober.

Alaric

As far as I could tell, it’s a story. In simple archaeological terms: it’s a really, really old story.

Alaric

Jeremy is an idiot. And I know this with certainty because I was once a Jeremy. Trust me, we learn. Eventually.

Alaric

I mean did you learn nothing from the moonstone in the soap dish?

Alaric

Who knows. Maybe his alter ego is some pot-smoking, hippie pacifist.

Alaric

(Alaric's alter ego) Look at you. One of nature's most hideous creatures, and you can't even get that right.

Alaric

How many times do I have to tell you, Elena? Stop trusting vampires!