Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Stefan

Can’t touch her now.

Damon

Well, the vervain keeps me out of her head. Maybe that’s not my target. Believe it or not, Stefan, some girls don’t need my persuasion. Some girls just can’t resist my good looks, my style, my charm... and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift. [stabs Stefan in the stomach]

Damon

This is John Varvatos, dude. Dick move.

Damon

I like being the eternal stud.

Stefan

Yes, being a one hundred and fifty year old teenager has been the height of my happiness.

Caroline

[Looks at Stefan and Elena] They look so cute together.

Damon

Don’t talk, please.

You appear unannounced, reminding me that this isn’t my house; that you’re just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you’re permitting me to live.

Damon

Someone had to mow the lawn.

Stefan

Hello.

Damon

I want my ring.

Stefan

Where are you?

Damon

I'm at the Sizzler. I had the buffet. Where's my ring?

Stefan

I don't have it. Where are you? What have you done?

Damon

No, what have you done? You're the one that locked me in the basement and starved me, so whatever I've done, whoever I've sucked dry is on you, buddy.

Stefan

You're being careless. How many more animal attacks is this town gonna believe, huh?

Damon

I know how to cover my tracks, Stefan. Where's my ring!?

Stefan

I gave it to Zach to hide. Probably shouldn't have killed him.

Damon

Ah, you almost got me. Where is it?

Stefan

I'll get it back, but I need time.

Damon

What, did you FedEx it to Rome? Where is it? I want my ring, Stefan, or my next stop's Elena's.

Stefan

I already want you dead. Don't give me another reason to make it happen.

Damon

Don't give me another reason to rip you apart.

Stefan

Yeah? Is that gonna be before or after you get your ring back?

Damon

Just get it.

Elena

Is Stefan here?

Damon

Yep!

Elena

Where is he?

Damon

And good morning to you, Little Miss "I'm On a Mission".

Elena

How can you be so arrogant and glib after everything that you've done?

Damon

And how can you be so brave and stupid to call a vampire arrogant and glib?

Elena

If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead.

Damon

Yes, you would.

Elena

But I'm not.

Damon

Yet.

Damon

(To Elena) You should go. I got this.

Elena

You did this! This is you're fault!

Damon

You confuse me with someone with remorse.

Damon

None of this matters to me. None of it.

Elena

(Breaks free from him) People die around you! How can it not matter? It matters and you know it!

Damon

(Elena starts feeling anger starting and looks at her as blood is covered on her) You need to leave. Your wounds are bleeding. And you need to leeave.

Lexi

I'm older and that means stronger.

Damon

[Choking] Sorry.

Lexi

Don't ruin my time with Stefan 'cause I'll hurt you. [Whispering] And you know I can do it.

Damon

Yeah.

Damon

Rise and shine! You’ll be late for school!

Stefan

What are you-- what are you doing?

Damon

Peace offering. (lifts a mug of coffee) C'mon, you need it for blood circulation. It does dead flesh good.

Damon

Alright, I’m sorry.

Stefan

Step aside, please.

Damon

I got the town off our back. It was for the greater good - but I’m sorry! And to prove it, I’m not going to feed on a human. For at least a...week. I’ll adopt the Stefan diet. Only nothing with feathers.

Damon

Are you mimicking me?

Stefan

Yes, Stefan. Now that the secret society of vampire haters is off our back, I can go back to my routine of how can I destroy Stefan’s life this week.

Damon

(pauses) Yeah, I’m done. (turns to leave)

Logan

See, I know what you and your brother are. I've been watching the two of you. I knew you'd show up here. And I'm glad you did. Because I have some questions.

Damon

Me first. Who turned you?

Logan

How should I know? Last thing I remember is I'm about to stake your brother and then you grabbed me. That's it. Until I wake up in the ground behind a used car dealership on Highway 4. Somebody buried me.

Damon

It happens.

Logan

You bit me. It had to be you.

Damon

You have to have vampire blood in your system when you die. I didn't do that. Some other vampire found you. Gave you their blood.

Logan

Who?

Damon

That's what I want to know.

Logan

Dude! It's not like the welcome wagon was waiting with a bunt cake and a handbook. It's been a learn-as-you-go process. One minute, I'm a small town, on the rise news guy, and the next thing I know, I can't get inside my house because my foot won't go through the door.

Damon

You have to be invited in.

Logan

I know. I live alone.

Damon

Oh, that sucks.

Elena

Gah!

Damon

How you doing up there?

Elena

Damon?

Damon

You look stuck.

Elena

(sobbing) It's- it's my seatbelt.

Damon

Shh, shh, shh. (wrenches passenger door open) Let me get you out of here. I want you to put your hands on the roof. Just like that. You ready?

Damon

One, two, three... (rips out seatbelt buckle)

Damon

I gotcha. (pulls Elena from the car) Are you okay? Can you stand?

Damon

Is anything broken? (sets her down; her legs buckle) Whoa! You are fading fast, Elena. Elena? Look at me. Focus... Look at me. Hey...

Elena

I look like her.

Damon

What?

Damon

Good morning.

Elena

Where are we?

Damon

Georgia.

Elena

Georgia? No..no, we're not. Seriously, Damon, where are we?

Damon

Seriously, we're - we're in Georgia. (looks at her) How are you feeling?

Elena

I... I...

Damon

There were no broken bones. I checked.

Elena

My car... There was a man... I hit a man. (pause) But then he got up and...who was that?

Damon

That's what I would like to know.

Elena

Where is my phone? (Damon looks away) Okay, we really need to go back, nobody knows where I am. Pull over. I mean it, Damon, pull over.

Damon

(sighs tiredly)

Elena

Stop the car!

Damon

Oh, you were so much more fun when you were asleep. (pulls the car over)

Elena

(gets out of the car)

Damon

(helps her)

Elena

I'm fine. We have to go back.

Damon

Oh, come on. We've already come this far.

Elena

Why are you doing this? I can't be in Georgia. I...I wrecked my car. I have to go home. (pause) This is kidnapping.

Damon

That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?

Elena

You're not funny. You can't do this. I'm not going to Georgia.

Damon

Well, you're in Georgia. Without your magical necklace, I might add. I can very easily make you...agreeable.

Elena

What are you trying to prove?

Elena

That’s my phone.

Damon

Mmm... (looks at the phone) It's your boyfriend. (holds the phone out to her; she refuses to answer) I'll take it. (answers) Elena's phone.

Stefan

Where is she? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?

Damon

Elena? Yeah, she's right here. And, yes, she's fine.

Stefan

Where are you? Let me talk to her.

Damon

(to Elena) He wants to talk to you.

Elena

Mm-mm. (shakes her head)

Damon

(to Stefan) Yeah, I, uh, I don't think she really wants to talk to you right now.

Stefan

Damon, I swear to God if you touch her-

Damon

You have a good day. Bye now.

Elena

Look, no one knows where I am. Can we please just go back?

Damon

We’re almost there.

Elena

Where is 'there'?

Damon

It’s a little place right outside of Atlanta. Oh, come on, Elena. You don’t want to go back right now, do you? What’s the rush? Time-out. Trust me, the problem is still going to be there when you come home. Look, step away from your life for 5 minutes. (she glares) 5 minutes!

Elena

Am I going to be safe with you?

Damon

Yes.

Elena

You promise not to do that mind-control-thing with me?

Damon

Yes.

Elena

Can I trust you?

Damon

Get in the car. Come on.

Elena

What about that man in the road? Was he a...?

Damon

From what I can tell...yeah.

Elena

You didn't know him?

Damon

If I've never met him, I wouldn't know him. It's not like we all hang out at the 'vamp bar and grill'.

Elena

Awww, do you need a bib?

Damon

Sorry I can't unhinge my jaw like a snake to consume alcohol.