TV show quotes
[Government personnel at the Immortal's funeral have realized that the Tick isn't a scheduled speaker.]
the MP's are ready to tackle him off the stage, sir.
Belay that for the moment. I'm starting to like the cut of this man's gibberish.
Directed by Mel Damski. Written by Ben Edlund and Larry Charles.
[The Tick talks to reporters outside the courtroom.]
This is nothing more than a salty slab of justice jerky — cut and dried!
Why is that fella wearing a dress?
[whispering] Because he's the judge.
Well, I judge him and find him funny!
[In a flashback, the heroes encounter the armored supervillain Destroyo.]
Could be nothin'... could be the stench of unfathomable evil.
...
[Destroyo is bullying Batmanuel.]
Hey, Bossy! Why don't you try that on somebody my size?
Do you know who I am?
Yeah, I know who you are, Destinko. Why don't you curl up your metal mitts into fists — 'cause you face the Tick!
I will destroy you!
Bring it on, crap-lobster!
Aaaaah... my head feels like-like it's gonna have a baby!
It's called a headache.
It has a NAME?!?
[Arthur pours some aspirin into Tick's hand. Tick pops them into his mouth and chews them.]
Ewwww! This is the worst tasting candy, ever!
[From his cell, Destroyo plays mind games with Captain Liberty.]
Shut up. You don't know a thing about me.
On the contrary, Janet, I know all about you. You're a Barbie doll trying to fit into a world of G.I. Joes. Dressed in your special little outfit by the fevered hands of your sweaty Uncle Sam — the only man who ever stayed in your life — who taught you how to fight, but not how to love. And all those boys... all they care about is peeling off that costume to find out if the doll inside is anatomically correct.
Gimme that ! (snatches the judge's gavel) Who died and made you the cross-dressing king of justice?
...
Contempt of COURT?!?
Well, "contempt" is a strong word. I certainly didn't like court very much...
Another urban myth dispelled. Ninjas don't bounce.
[on witness stand] Dance, fat-boy, DANCE!
Directed by Bo Welch. Written by Lon Diamond.
This guy is great. He handles all my legal affairs.
What kind of legal affairs do you have?
Batmanuel is mired in much litigation. For instance, I'm suing the makers of my codpiece. It was not properly fitted, causing severe shooting pains in my groin.
Ouch.
Yes — an "ouch" that will now cost them seven figures. Not that you can place a dollar amount on Batmanuel's groin area...
That petty criminal needs a good swift kick in his bad-pants!
If you two were really my friends, you'd be supporting me instead of betraying me.
Captain Liberty, we are your friends... even though we're betraying you.
[In the League of Superheroes smoking lounge, Tick continues obsessing over one criminal's escape.]
Somewhere, that petty criminal is laughing at us, rolling in his ill-gotten booty. And he should laugh — 'cause we stink. Smells like everybody's smoking feet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Tick (live-action) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
