(Nicola's getting a phone call from a certain someone...)
Nicola, it's your nephew on the phone.
What?
Your nephew. Andy Murray.
(Very excited) Fuck! On the line, now? OH, MY GOD! It's Andy Murray on the line! What line?
Press two.
He's not there, Terri! Fuck's sake!
Maybe it was three.
God, it drives me insane! Is he there now?
Yeah, yeah. Hang on, let me just get him off hold.
It really pisses me off! The fucking phones in this whole -- Andy! Hello! It's Nicola Murray, yes! What a delight to talk to you!
(While NICOLA Murray's chatting on the phone with ANDY Murray, Ollie gets a call on his cell phone from Malcolm.)
Hi, Malcolm.
Ollie. Andy Murray.
Oh, good. We are literally confirming him as we speak.
Ditch him. We can't go with celebrities. Right? It's just gonna look bad.
Why?
We're gonna look desperate, all right?
Well, uh...Steve Fleming likes the idea.
Never mind what Mummy says. Just do what Daddy says, right?
Yeah, whilst you're on, um, just, um...there's another thing. Uh, Mummy has asked us to publish the crime stats as part of the Transparent Government initiative. Is that all right with Daddy?
It's fine.
Really? Because, um, Nicola's got that baffled, panicky look like a child on the ghost train.
Give me a second while I look up my little file of things I really don't give a fuck about. And here we have under the letter N, we've got "nail-bombing golf clubs," there is, uh, the National Trust, there is Newcastle...Nicola Murray. Yes. She's still there. So fucking can Andy Murray and just get on with the fucking crime stats.
(still on the phone with Andy) I'll make sure Kate liaises with my press whiz kid, uh, Terri Coverley. She's a woman. But listen, if there is anything else we can do for you, please don't hesitate to call. Dare I say it, we are here to serve, (laughing) if you'll excuse the pun. All right, Andy. Take care. Bye.
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