(Meanwhile, Malcolm is at home serving Indian food to some journalists.)
Here they come, it's the Flying Scots-curry-man. (sings) 'Where's your pappadam?' You have got to try this aubergine, it's cooked in ghee, right? I fucking love ghee, it's like fucking freebasing butter. Have some more wine, come on, get quaffing. (mobile rings) Christ, here we go. (answers) No, we don't do takeaway, right? (all laugh, as Malcolm walks away) Listen, see, if this is recorded spam, I'm gonna hunt you down and burst your fucking lungs.
Ollie (at his desk): Where actually are you, Malcolm?
I'm on holidays!
Where are you on holiday, where?
Right, OK, I'm in Thailand, in a sex spa. About to get a fucking facial.
Right, quick summary: Andy Murray, famous tennis player, also lovely Scotch person, face of Healthy Lifestyle Choices. Nicola Murray, slightly panicky, er, minister-lady: wonder if that's OK with you?
Yeah yeah yeah, Andy Murray, yeah, Andy Pandy, fucking Gandhi having a hand-shandy, whatever, just, you know, fuck off out of my life, OK?
Okey dokey! (hangs up. To Nicola and Glenn) The man from Hell Monte, he say 'Fucking aye'!
(apologizing to his guests) Sorry about that. Everybody's heard about the cooking, so it's...
So, Malcolm, what's all this about?
Well, I know that these are hard times for print journalists, yeah? I mean, I read that on the internet. I mean, one day you're writing for the papers and the next you're sleeping under them.
What, so this is like Malcolm Tucker's Soup Kitchen?
Well, it is, kind of, in a way. I just think that you should have one big square meal before you end up fucking living off white lightning in your own feces. Come on, get stuck in. I'll dish it up for you.
What about Tom bringing back Steve Fleming? Kind of makes you old news, doesn't it?
You repositioning yourself, Malcolm?
This is about a guy sharing his ghee. That's it. Okay?
So you're not currying favor, then?
(Marianna starts laughing at Geoffrey's joke.)
(laughing) Sorry...
(to Geoffrey, jokingly) Fuck you. Get out of my house. Get out of my fucking house. That's it. I know...I mean, no wonder nobody's fucking buying your paper.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More The Thick Of It quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Thick Of It pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.