Vic Mackey quotes from The Shield

Vic

Assume the position, ladies. Hands on your head right now! Hands on your head!

Vic

Ah, chilling's cool. Those teeth are a felony, though. [slaps Choppa's cheek]

Vic

You plottin' retribution? Huh?

No, man. We got a circle jerk jumpin' off. Why don't you grab some vaseline and join in?

Rawling

Explain to me why taking this house was the right thing to do yesterday, and the wrong thing today.

Vic

Yesterday we had to stop the shootings.

Rawling

This house was bought with drug money. The mother knew it.

Vic

You said it would be a P.R. nightmare.

Rawling

Either it works or it doesn't. To make exceptions, to put a prettier face on it....sounds more like Aceveda than me. [Rawling walks out of the home and signs paperwork] Take it.

We'll check it out.

Vic

Good, look for flowers, he poses as a delivery guy to get into the house.

Right, homes.

Vic

Someone sees him, I want a call.

Hey! Aren't you gonna swear us in?

Vic

Blessed is he who delivers this asshole onto me.

Rawling

If you can't withstand scrutiny about anything--I need you to step aside.

Vic

I don't step aside. I step up.

Vic

Dutchboy. Hero of the hour.

Dutch

Your daughter was sick, she wanted her mother.

Vic

You can't take a joke, so you make me look like a prick in front of my ex?

Dutch

I'm sure your ex doesn't need any help from me seeing what kind of a prick you are.

Vic

Big chief. Vic needum new driving machine, so he can catchum bad guy.

Danny

Knew you had some Spanish. Didn't know you knew smoke signals.

Shane

Hey, thanks for coming. Look, ah...I'm in some serious shit. [Vic points his gun at him] Hey, hey, what the hell you doing? What the hell's the matter with you?!

Vic

Bugged your car. It's you or me...right? I guess it's you.

Shane

No, no, no no, I, I'm I'm explaining, Vic, pl-please, listen to me. Goddamnit, listen to me. Look, Antwon killed Angie right in front of me and Army. He did it with our guns it...it's what I came to talk to you about.

Vic

Thought you had nothing to do with Antwon.

Shane

It's nothing that we haven't done before. Look, he's squeezing us. He says the body will turn up if, if, if I don't... But, I would never do that. Never! You know that! Look, I was just bluffing him to buy time. We took a run at Halpern, he showed us where Angie's body was, but we can't get to it just the two of us. Army's gun went off... Look, Halpern's still alive. But once Antwon finds out, I'm dead. I got Mara and Jackson out of town, but I'm....look I'm in trouble man. I don't know how it got this deep.

Vic

[Vic puts down his gun] You got one shot. [Motions to Shane's gun] TAKE IT.

Shane

No. No. I would never choose him over you. We let that Money train bullshit get in the way, but... come-on you're my friend. [Vic points the gun back at Shane] Look, I need you. Will you help me? [Vic slowly puts his gun down]

Vic

Police! Antwon, get your ass out here!

Antwon

[walks out, and sees the damage] You better have a warrant.

Vic

Warrant? I just saw your door busted wide open, wanted to make sure you're okay. (Sarcastically) You okay? The One-Niners started a campaign against police informants.

Antwon

I'm done with this.

Vic

You think you can just go after anyone. You think you're indestructible?

Antwon

I don't know what you're spinning.

Vic

[throws crowbar down] If you've given the word, that some informant or some citizen or some cop gets hurt...you're gonna be spitting teeth!

Antwon

I'm going back to bed.

Vic

Make sure you get that door fixed. Anyone could just walk right in.

Vic

Still no Lem?

Shane

Left a second message. He's probably knee-deep in a booty call.

Ronnie

Hope he's gettin' the cop discount.

Shane

Yeah, I hear yours charges by the minute.

Ronnie

Hey, I get mine for free.

Vic

Must be seeing a charity worker.

Vic

Ah. You must be Doomsday.

Who are you?

Vic

I'm Armageddon. Say hello to the hounds of hell.

Shane

Ruff.

Vic

I feel like there's some unfinished business between us.

What's that?

Vic

It's this Terry thing. You thought I was hiding something from you. Here's the truth... I swept through that house. I cleared that bathroom. At least I thought I did. Somehow Two-Time got past me. I left Terry exposed... I made a mistake. I never told anybody. I thought it was my fault. That's something I've been living with for a long time now. Finally, I decided to move on. Something you're gonna have to push past too.

Yeah.

Vic

Okay. [Lem looks Vic in the eye and shakes his hand]

Shane

No, it can't be that easy.

Vic

He's an ex-con from Mexico, it damn well could be.

Jackpot.

I must've ate something this morning. Third time I gotta shit today.

Vic

Be sure to inform us of number four.

Ronnie

You tell Leon he's in the clear?

Shane

Yeah, freak tried to hug me.

Vic

But you insisted on the blowjob.

Julien

He threw a bottle at the car, cracked the windshield...

Tina

Then he asked if he could smell my sweet spot.

Vic

Even Shane stopped using that line...