Rocky Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

Jim

Neither one of us knew it was gonna be a kangaroo court.

Rocky

Yeah, I don't understand it! You told them the truth!

Jim

Yeah, and they didn't buy it. Hey look, I'm out, right?

Beth Davenport

Temporarily. They're gonna hit you with another subpoena, Jim.

Jim

Well, let them. This time I go in knowing the ground rules. I give them my name and I take the Fifth Amendment all the way.

Rocky

That's what I'd do. Well, they think you're guilty anyway.

Jim

Look, I can use the Fifth Amendment, can I? I mean, they haven't repealed the law or anything?

Beth Davenport

No, sure, you can take it, and they'll dismiss you, it will just be postponing the inevitable. Gary Bevins will apply to the Department of Justice for a grant of immunity, then you'll be recalled and you'll have to testify, or be held in contempt of court, again. This time they're gonna get your name right, my love.

Jim

What do you know about T.T.'s son-in-law?

Rocky

Oh, he's a rich stockbroker, is all I know. But, of course, T.T. says that he's nothing but a con man with a diploma and a place to hang it.

Angel

[getting a haircut from Rocky] I-I'm gonna interject something here. I appreciate the fact you're cutting my hair for free, because I'm so broke, but, uh, we're not getting that layered look that we were talking about, you know. Maybe we should wash it with some of that organic shampoo, you know what I mean? Then cut it while it's wet and then give it a blow-dry.

Rocky

What?

Angel

Well, that's how they do it in Beverly Hills.

Rocky

Yeah, well this is how we did it in the Seabees, and we all looked like men.

Jim

It's my client's book, part Dear Abby, part Norman Vincent Peale and part Kama Sutra.

Rocky

What's a Kama Sutra?

Jim

It's a...uh...how-to book.

Rocky

Well anyone who keeps dirty laundry in their desk I think is pretty...

Jim

I knew right where to find it didn't I?

Rocky

Don't worry, Sonny. I mean, they can't throw you in jail for something you didn't do!

Jim

Isn't that what you said before I spent those fun-filled years at Quentin?

Rocky

Jimmy didn't kill nobody!

Jim

Jimmy's gun did.

Jim

But I will need a diversion so I can get back to Bloomberg's room and try to talk to him.

Angel

Oh! Now we're getting to the nitty-gritty. Now it's beginning to make sense. "Come on over to Rocky's, Angel." Serve my favorite food. First time I been invited over here for so much as a glass of water!

Rocky

[to Mary Jo] I could use a little help in the kitchen with the coffee and dessert.

Angel

Forget about the dessert! You don't buy Angel Martin with a couple of drumsticks and some red eye gravy.

Rocky

What was that guy's beef?

Jim

What? Is that supposed to be funny?

Rocky

What'd I say? What'd I say?

Rocky

[Rocky's on the couch in Jim's trailer as Falcone is starting] Come on, come on, come on!

Jim

I'll be right there!

[Aiming his gun at the unseen villain] Freeze, turkey!

Rocky

[Rocky smiles, and yells] There! [claps his hands with glee] There!

Jim

[sitting down] Oh, oh, I'm sorry...

Rocky

Anyway, that's the part that I really like. Ain't that something - the way he says 'Freeze, turkey', all, real loud, like that? 'Freeze, turkey!'

Jim

[at Rocky's house sifting through shoe boxes full of Jim's receipts] Look Angel, I've got problems of my own. I've got a tax mess here that's so bad I'm gonna have to spend three days up at Adriana's place at Arrow Head just trying to sort it out... how are you doing for April and May, Dad?

Jim I hope you don't mind my saying, but I think this is symptomatic of the whole problem! Why are these receipts stored here in the first place?

Jim

Well, do you wanna try living in a house trailer and running a business out of it too?

Which you can't claim, by the way.

Rocky

Alice Faye... I'm thinking of all them pictures and records I collected back in the 40s. That's it! Alice Faye! [runs off]

Jim

Alice Faye...? April and May...?

Rocky

[rummaging around in the stuff in the back of the truck that's going to the Goodwill] If you don't help that boy's daddy, I'm gonna be mad at you!

Jim

Yeah, well life's full of bitter disappointments, Dad! I have a question for you. What are you doing poking around in there again?

Rocky

Well, I gotta question for you too! Where did this toaster come from?

Jim

[becomes sheepish] That toaster...? Oh... that's the one you gave me for Christmas...

Rocky

[indignant] Yeah! Thirty-four dollars and seventy-five cents!

Jim

[defensively] Well it got in by mistake! How was... well, I can't... those things happen!

[Jim, Rocky, and Sorel are walking on the pier. Rocky is still upset that he was told that he is too old to be an organ donor] Now that I'm out of a job, maybe I'll get into something really challenging.

Jim

Yeah? Like what?

I always wanted to be an "astro-nom-omer".

Jim

Naw, that's pronounced "a-stron-o-mer".

Oh, well. Same job, no matter what. Looking at stars and wondering if there are other types of life out there.

Rocky

I got me a liver as good as any in the country!

Jim

Sorel wants to be an astronomer, Dad. Isn't that great?

Rocky

I'd like to see that Dr. Bosco, whatever his name, I'd like to see his kidneys! I bet they ain't any better than mine! Some things improve with age!

I wonder if there's life out on those stars like Mars.

Jim

Mars is a planet, not a star.

Rocky

My heart! My heart's been beating once a second for almost 70 years! You can't knock that!

[She points to flying sea gulls] Oh! Pelicans! Look, pelicans!

Jim

[Jim and Rocky look at each other bemusedly] Look, Dad! Pelicans!

Angel

Good idea, Jim, except I thought you oughta know that if you try to take off with my share of the treasure, I'll take old Joe here as a hostage.

Rocky

[shakes his cane at him] Now you just try and old Joe will stove your head in!

Rocky

You're gonna see a real princess... dressed like that?

Jim

Well sure Dad, I don't have much choice. My satin knee britches and barouche are still at the cleaners.