Jim Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

Freddie

Well, I got the car back... nice. I think I'm going to put it on display right out front with a big sign on it. "Wreck of the Week, Drive Carefully".

Jim

Well, that'll make it look like you care. People will love you for it.

Freddie

You said you were going to drive it carefully, Jimmy baby, remember? The guys driving the tow truck that brought it in had a bet going. Want to hear the bet?

Jim

Not necessarily, no.

Freddie

Well one guy bet it was a Ford. The other guy said no, it was a Chrysler. Imagine the surprise when I grin and tell them, "It's a Buick".

She's a very strange young lady.

Jim

When somebody has $300,000 in the bank, you don't call them strange.

What do you call 'em?

Jim

Eccentric.

Whaddya charge?

Jim

$200 a day plus expenses.

Any good?

Jim

That's a little like asking the head waiter how the steak is, isn't it?

Okay Rockford, I'm gonna give you the ground rules. One, I don't like getting fleeced. So, you try to run up the expense account, I'm just not gonna pay it. I want receipts for everything, you got it? Everything. I know you guys. You're all expense account hot dogs. I only mention this so you'll know that I'm wise to you going in.

You get the picture, mister?

Jim

Good. Cause I got a black belt in 7 iron.

You want this job? [pause] Well how 'bout it?

Jim

How 'bout what?

Are you gonna take it?

Jim

You gonna say "please"?

No!

Jim

Alright, I'll take it.

You don't understand, do you? You don't know how much trouble you're in.

Jim

I have been shot at, hit over the head, robbed of $10,000... Incredible as it may seem, all by myself I figured out I was in a little trouble!

[sees smoke coming from Jim's kitchen] What is that?

Jim

Oh... Oh, if you ever change banks, don't accept a toaster, this is my fourth one.

Rocky

What did we hit?

Jim

Just what we were aiming at, the water main.

Jim

Hey now, wait a minute, wait a minute, I still have the right to pay off what I owe! You'll get your money.

I doubt that Mr. Rockford, I've, I've seen your financial statement. Foreclosure is as painful for the bank as it is for its customer.

Jim

Yeah... Simon Lloyd has some very heavy connections.

Jim

[asking Angel if he had any trouble at the resort] Nobody tried to interfere?

Angel

No, no, they didn't even believe that it was happening. You know what occurred to me? I mean when you get a crowd like that? It doesn't seem right not to work 'em.

Jim

[Disapprovingly] Angel...

Angel

No, no, now you were right about the oil rig, that's the thing. But the thing that really gets them excited though is the jackhammer, and the compressor, and the noise, and that racket, boy, it's the roar of the crowd and I got to thinking how you said I should have earplugs. I went down to the drug store and talked to the druggist and made the deal - 28 cents a pair - go back and sell them for a dollar seventy-five - a dollar fifty! - easy.

Jim

[Aggravated] Forget it!

Angel

Jimmy, don't spit on it, man. If we don't do it someone else will. Think about it. [He pulls Rocky over to his side] Rocky could be the salesman, huh? He's got that good, honest face everybody likes. We get him a tray hanging around his neck...

Jim

Angel, if you try working a scam on the side, you go straight back to L.A.

Angel

A person's got a right to his own suggestions, don't he?

Jim

No!

You say one word about that to Adrienne, and they'll be scraping you up in six counties!

Jim

Six? Why not one neat little package like Margo?

Dennis

[suspiciously] What are you going to do, Jim?

Jim

Oh...I don't know ... go home ... take a shower .....

Dennis

Stay out of it.

Jim

... stay out of it...

Jim

He was having an affair with Margo.

You say that with a great deal of authority.

Jim

And you don't seem particularly surprised.

It would be unrealistic for me to believe that Bob leads a monastic life. But it's not something we've ever discussed, and I certainly have no intention of discussing it with you. I resent your prying, and I resent these personal questions.

Jim

I don't like it any better than you do, Miss Clarke. I'm looking for a motive for murder.

Then look someplace else.

Jim

I have a feeling I'm looking in exactly the right place.

Rocky

[the Sheriff hands over their personal items. Rocky realizes Harry had stolen his ring] My lodge ring. I want to file a complaint!

Now Rocky, don't do nothing rash. You're going to feel pretty bad when I tell you that ring belonged to my own sainted father. It was the one thing he left me when he passed on.

Rocky

I supposed his initials were "J.R.", huh?

That's right, I told you you'd feel...

Jim

[hurriedly pushes them toward the door] Come on, now...

Rocky

[Resisting] Give me that ring, I want to file a complaint. Sheriff, I want to file a complaint!

You know Harry, I've decided that you're right about the one I should buy. I like children. Don't you, Harry?

Jim

Harry likes pigeons.

You're determined to be flip, aren't you?

Jim

Hey, come on now, give me a break, huh? I'm trying to walk off a big emotional disappointment.