[Anthony's dad is confronting Ren and Stimpy in the den]
ASAnthony's dad
Oh... You guys are big shots. [chuckles] Big shots from Hollywood. Is that what makes you feel big? Huh?! Pushing little boys around? Ya feel like big men, playing with little boys' feelings, huh?! You Hollywood types make me SICK! You think because you come from HOLLYWOOD, you can push decent people around. People who work for a living! I work my fingers to the bone, to feed my wife, and... [chokes up] my boy, Anthony. [crying] Oh, Anthony, you've got to pull through! [becomes angry again] I bet you wussies never worked a stinkin' day, in your stinkin' little lives! Show me your hands!
[Ren and Stimpy present their hands to Anthony's dad]
ASAnthony's dad
Just as I thought. Soft as a baby's head. Well, look at these hands! [shows Ren and Stimpy his hands, which have rocks growing out of them] These are the hands of a working man! What'd you ever do for society anyway, just what do you do to earn your keep?
Eh... Well, we make people laugh.
ASAnthony's dad
Real hard work, making people laugh. Did you go to school to make people laugh? Listen. I make people laugh, too. But nobody gives ME money! You wanna hear a joke?
ASAnthony's dad
I'll tell ya a joke. And you're gonna laugh! Alright. Here's the joke. Ya ready? Why did they bury the fireman... behind the hill? Come on, funny guys, huh? Huh, huh? Why?
RSRen and Stimpy
[trembling with fear; in unison] We don't know why they buried the fireman behind the hill...
ASAnthony's dad
I'll tell ya why. Because he was DEAD!
[laughs] That's pretty good, huh, Ren? Maybe we could use that.
[Ren smacks Stimpy]
ASAnthony's dad
Alright, funny guys. I wanna know something. [increasing with anger] I just wanna know one thing... JUST ONE THING FROM YOU... [suddenly casual] So what makes you guys move, anyway?
RSRen and Stimpy
[Singing the Royal Anthem of the Kilted Yaksmen to the theme of "God Save the Queen"]
Our country reeks of trees
Our Yaks are really large
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses
And we have to clean up after them
And our saddle sores are the best
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skirts
And the buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
And we will probably go to hell
And that is our great reward
For being the uh, Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen
[They all throw clothes, ribbons, and intestines in the air. Later in the desert, Ren and Stimpy are still singing as two yaks are in agony]
BYBrown Yak
SHUT UP! I can't STAND IT ANYMORE! All the time, singing! SINGING! Why won't he STOP?! Listen! You hear that? [starts laughing maniacally]
[after farting for the first time] Something came out of my butt!
That's nice Stimpy. Something came out of your butt.
No no Ren, I'm serious! And not only that, it made a sound.
Let's see if I got this straight. Something came out of your butt and it made a sound.
Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy!
Hey look. It's time for Muddy Mudskipper!
[Ren looks concerned for a moment, then has an idea]
Look what I got for you! A new catnip mouse!
Mr. Catnip Mouse! [Tries to get Stimpy to play with the mouse, but Stimpy doesn't respond, then he has another idea] It's Mr. Litter Box! Come on! Take a stinky one! [scratches steps] Nice and stinky!
Stinky... [loud, violent crying]
[annoyed] So THAT's it! YOU'RE still crying about your imaginary BUTT stinkiness!
I'm not listening to this anymore! He's real. He's REAL! He's REAL!
Look, man! It's time to get over this fantasy of yours. Let the wound heal. Come on, man, I'll help you. Together, we'll get through this, okay, buddy?
[loses his patience at this point] FINE! Sit here and wallow! You FAT, You -you STUPID... WHO NEEDS YA?! [storms off]
