Ren quotes from The Ren & Stimpy Show

Must not get angry... Must not get angry... Huh? [reacts in horror] MY USED CELEBRITY UNDERWEAR! GONE! Where?! Who?! [gasps] Oh, no. OH, NO! [rushes to the laundry room. He sobs] He didn't! He didn't! Stimpy washed my collection... of used celebrity underwear...! I can't even tell the difference... in between Van Johnson's socks... and June Allison's underwear. WHY?! [continues sobbing as Stimpy enters]

Eh... What's wrong, Ren?

[angry] You! Why, I oughta- [stops, and looks around, scared] Stimpy, what's wrong with you?! Why must you make me so angry?! You know I get hurt when you make me angry! Do you want to get me killed?! [comes to a realization] Unless... Of course...! [starts going insane] That's the plan, isn't it? You set me up, and he knocks me down. Is that it? Huh? Well, it won't work. 'Cuz I'm not gonna get mad. I'm not getting mad... No, sir. Not me. [laughs madly] I'm happy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! I'm happy, happy, happy! Not mad, mad, mad! [cackles] Mr. Happy Boy, right?! HEY, WORLD! AM I HAPPY ENOUGH?!

Stimpy, how about some breakfast? I can really go for some of your famous Stimlard. Stimpy? [gasps] STIMPY! [Stimpy was in bellybutton. He becomes sad] OH, STIMPY! [sobs] I warned you. [sob and sniffs] WHY?! WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN?! [sobs and sniffs] WHY?! [Ren chews bellybutton and starts sobbing. He pulls it out] My dearest friend, you reduce to a fleshy love! [Ren cries. He hears a sound in the bellybutton. Stimpy uses a lawnmower. Jerry was so relaxed]

Oh, Stimpy, be a good boy. And after you finished mowing the lint, could you wash the lint, and iron the lint, and maybe pick lint from the lint, and, oh, don't forget to walk the lint. [Mr. Horse hears that sound in the bellybutton] DINNER! DINNER! HURRY UP, BOY! I WANT MY DINNER! [Stimpy pants]

[comes to Ren] Ren, what are you eating?

[gulps] I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. [uses a toothpick]

[opens the door] Stimpy? I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. [smiles]

Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. [bird squawk] I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their Asia, and yet I’m not thrilled… [cries] Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! [pulls off the fabric] Oh my beautiful account of yolk, [hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs] I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! [The eggs fall and the scene fades to black. Ren makes a son out of eggs] Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- [pulls off his hair] Chum! And so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: Lock off my- brain! [scoops out his brain] But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! [Stimpy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy] Finally, do you have that man?

Yes, friend... [lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes] Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!

[after waking up in the hospital after their second accident] What about Ren?

Here, you idiot! [Ren is stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!

The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.

My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans! [Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, and a farting noise is heard]

What are you doing in bed, Höek? We've got to tee off in ten minutes!

I'm sorry, fellas. I haven't had too much sleep lately. [laughs]

Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive?

Let's get outta here.

Wait. [pulls money out] I'll give five whole bucks to anyone who could just knock me out.

[excited] FIVE BUCKS?!

FIVE BUCKS?! [pulls out golf clubs]

[laughs, then Insanely] Nighty-night!

Fore!

Gotta work on that slice.

[at front of the screen quietly] Shhh, Ren's taking a coma. [sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing]

[laughs] That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...

Cheese?

Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!

Gee!

[to Fire Chief] And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!

Wow!

[to Muddy Mudskipper] And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!

Say!

Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

Is that my beef carcass?

Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!

WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!

[stammers] But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17!

NO! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!

I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!

[horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!

[evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to-

GET IN THE HOUSE!

[scared] Yes, sir! [runs back into the house]

Hey! You're trying to cheat!

Yeah? Your whole life's a cheat!

He's the cheat!

Did somebody say cheese?! [belches]

STOP! [flips the table] Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. [grabs the mummy] Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HI-YAH! [starts smashing the mummy apart]

Oh no! The Hermit Union Leader!

Alright, this is a bust! YOU! [points to Ren] You broken the cardinal rule of Hermitude. Companionship. And what's with all these imaginary friends! You're violating the law. EXPOSED! YOU are officially kicked out of the Hermit Union! [Fades to outside, Jasper ripped his beard off Ren. Jasper salutes Ren, Ren carrying mud Stimpy and walking to home. Jasper salutes, Ren's anger, fear and Ignorance salutes as well, Mummified Bog Man salutes too, Oldman Farmer Hoek salutes and Salesman salutes too and even bats salutes as well. Fades to Cowhouse, Ren looks at Cowhouse and he opens it]

Giddyup, horsey! Giddyup! [Ren looks at Stimpy dressed up as a lady with Mud Ren] Ren! You're back! [smiles]

So, I turned my back for 10 years and you found yourself another chihuahua! [Stimpy was sad and gets an idea]

Ahem! But, Ren. [Ren looks at Mud Stimpy]

Oh. [chuckles] Sure. Well, it's great to be back, BUDDY! [Ren hugs Stimpy, Mud Ren and Mud Stimpy was winking at the viewers smiley and hugs together. The two iris was closing completely at the end of the episode]

Okay, one more time, if you let the little monster come near me again, I'll...

Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.

And...

Take my show away from me?

[looks at Ren's butt] Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.

And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]

Oh good! He's teething!

[comes home to find out that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house] THAT'S IT! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY VERBOTEN!

Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

Don't worry, Stimpy! I'll save you... [Ren looks a motorcycle, two roller skates, a red car with a lady standing next to it and looks back at Stimpy, who is still choking. He dreams of riding around in the red car] I'll, uh, go or help! [runs to Wilbur Cobb, who picks him up by the neck]

So, back to your ol' tricks, EH JOHNNY?!? Are you gonna let your friend Snoopy choke? Are you gonna do the right thing? [Ren punches Stimpy and spits the leg of ham out of his mouth] Good work, Skippy! And as a reward, you get the spend the next 15 years with your stupid friend there. [Wilbur Cobb slams his rake on Ren's head] Of course, there's the matter of all these worldly goods and seeing as they were all bought with ill gotten gains, I'll have to take everything as evidence, goodbye. [drives off with all their stuff and a lady. Ren and Stimpy start crying]

Aw, raggy!

That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!

But- But, I-

I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!

I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!

I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!

[laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]

I can explain! I-

Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?

Listen your honor, I- [his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]

Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?

Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.

Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is INFINITY IN PRISON! [echoing]

[begins to cry after he gets locked in a jail cell] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!