The Newsroom · Season 1
Any extra stress at work?
Extra stress?
Yeah.
No.
No extra stress?
No.
One more question.
Sure.
What are you fucking around with me for?
I'm sorry?
What are you fucking around with me for? I just asked you if there's any extra stress at work–
There isn't. There isn't.
What about the death threat?
[debating the construction of an Islamic community center near Ground Zero]
Miss Greer, you mentioned creeping Islam, are you concerned about creeping Christianity?
[laughing] Only that it's not creeping fast enough.
Okay. Here are some things done on American soil in the name of Christianity. The Ku Klux Klan burned down black churches, raped women, murdered civil rights workers, murdered children and terrorized communities for over a century. The neo nazis all acted and continue to act in the name of white christian supremacy. The army of god fatally attacks abortion clinics and doctors across the country. The covenant, the sword and the arm of the lord targets local police and federal agents. The federal building in Oklahoma City. The attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan and the successful assassinations of Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, and Abraham Lincoln, all perpetrated by Christians. Miss Greer, we weren't attacked by Muslims, we were attacked by sociopaths, and I for one would join you in protesting a community center for the criminally insane, but no one is suggesting building one.
What are they doing to contain the situation? What's going on with Will?
Internal security is handling it. But I have to give you a rotten assignment.
You got gum in your hair again?
No! Yes, but I got it out. I need you to do opposition research on Will.
Seriously?
About a year ago, somebody filed a complaint with HR on your behalf.
I know what that was. Will didn't do anything wrong. This is ridiculous.
I know, but Charlie wants to know what else is out there so he can--
Will knows we're doing this?
Of course.
And he's okay with it?
No, he hates it.
Fantastic.
Go to work.
[at Jim's desk]
Have you done this before?
Yeah.
Where do we start?
Tell me about the complaint.
There was a desk producer who saw Will yell at me about something.
What?
Doesn't matter.
What?
Doesn't matter. [Jim raises his eyebrows. Maggie sighs] I mixed up Georgia the state with--
No.
Yes, Georgia the country.
And this was...
Yup. This isn't about me.
During the invasion? You thought the Russians invaded Atlanta?
In retrospect, it seems farfetched. But that wasn't what he was actually mad about. The wife of a board member died and Will asked me to send flowers. I wrote on the card, "I'm so sorry about your loss. LOL."
LOL?
I thought it meant "lots of love."
How are you still working here?
I dodge bullets. Here comes a bullet. Boom! I'm over here. Ping! Here comes another bullet. Boom! I'm over here.
Who Else's body have you guarded?
We don't talk about that.
Okay.
Kanye. [pause] It was awesome.
Are you armed?
I secure my weapon in a gun safe when I come in the building.
Keep it there. I really don't want an armed guard. Maybe if you were drafted in the first four rounds, I'd feel safer.
Mr. McAvoy.
You can call me Will.
Yeah, I was gonna do that anyway. I know you're used to being the boss. But you're not anymore. At least for a little while.
How long?
Until my colleagues chase down the source of the threat or, of course, if you've been successfully assassinated.
A joke?
What'd you think?
It was all right. How does this work?
I pick you up at your home in the morning and escort you to your office. Then I pick you up at your office at night and escort you to your home. I'm with you any place that's an unsecured area.
What's an unsecured area?
Anyplace that isn't your home or your office.
I'm single. What about a date?
I don't think we should get romantically involved.
You get one joke a day.
Your copy will be written for you to approve. You've got Marco Rubio, Sandra Bernhard...
Sandra Bernhard's been dead for 100 years!
That's Sarah Bernhardt.
She'd be a good guest.
...I hate my life.
[holding a bag of pot cookies] Just to be clear for you youngsters, this isn't recreational. It's medicinal. When I was a junior in high school, I was already throwing a 74-mile-an-hour fastball, which puts a lot of stress on your landing leg. I also have epicondylitis in my elbow due to my mess-you-up breaking ball.
You know, if you just want to bake, that's okay with me. You don't need to go to WebMD to come up with symptoms.
I don't want to bake. I'm telling you I was an awesome high school athlete, but it's left me in constant physical pain in my knee and elbow. And experts say that medical marijuana relieves the pain and inflammation with fewer side effects than prescription pain killers.
Which experts?
The ones on WebMD. Anyway, thank you and thank your friend in LA for getting this for me.
No problem. He said they're pretty strong. So you should just break off a quarter and eat that.
And when this guy says they're strong, they're strong.
[looking worried for a moment] ...I ate two.
Okay, well...enjoy yourself and we'll see you in 12 to 14 hours.
It's fine. I have incredibly high tolerance. That's why I can't feel the Vicodin.
You took Vicodin and then ate two cookies?
Mmm hmm.
[To Neal] He's fine. [To Will] You're fine...just try to stay away from anything dangerous...electricity, y'know...outside...
[Will, as his "first time in the chair", has been tasked to report on 9/11]
You had to protect your sisters and your brothers and your mom from a pretty violent father, it sounds like. Do it again. I got faith in you.
Why?
I'm out of options.
I've been searching for, uh... uh, Biblical quotes. None of them... We don't know how many are dead. It's gonna be a lot. It's gonna be thousands. We don't know who attacked us, we don't know what's coming tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm doing. But I'll make you this promise... I'm gonna be with you all night. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here.
[After Charlie tells Will and Mac to wait for the White House to break the story]
When was the last time you checked your emails?
15 seconds ago.
[To Will] When was the last time you did?
Hmm?
Look at your BlackBerry.
[Will takes out his BlackBerry and considers it]
Press the buttons!
Sure... [he reads emails on his Blackberry] Okay, not tonight but in days to come, uh, you'll look back and think this moment was funny.
[reading the Blackberry] It's from 20 minutes ago.
(chuckling) Yeah...
What's it say?
'OBL re portable. Knock 'em dead just like we did.'
Who's it from?
Joe Biden!
Are you kidding me?!
We used to play softball together when he was in the Senate, he knows something about the landing leg--
GET ON THE AIR!!!
We're going!
[to Will] When did you turn into Ted Baxter?
Yeah, get the captain, 'cause I'd like to have a word with him. The seat belt while we're standing still is one thing, but how paranoid do you have to be to think that I'm declaring myself in charge of the-
Is there a problem, sir?
Yeah, I was asking how paranoid you have to- [suddenly falters] you have to be-
Sir? Sir?
[Don sees the pilot's rank, his flying wings, and the United Airlines logo on his nameplate. He has realized the significance - that the man, his co-pilot and the flight attendant most likely lost friends and colleagues on United Airlines Flights 175 and 93]
Captain, my name is Don Keefer. That's Elliot Hirsch and that's Sloan Sabbith. We work for Atlantis Cable News. And we wanted you and your first officer and Flight Attendant Crazy Lady to be the first ones on this plane to know that our armed forces killed Osama bin Laden for you tonight.
You're serious?
Yes, sir.
I need to tell you that you're going to remember this night for the rest of your lives. It's going to be a long night and we need you to work fast and we need you to work well. But once in a while, take three seconds- you can't spare more than that- take three seconds to notice where you are and what you're doing. Will's gonna go on the air in a few minutes so that we can report that at the order of the President of the United States, US Special Forces have shot and killed Osama bin Laden.
Good evening. From New York City, I'm Will McAvoy. ACN is now able to report and confirm that for the first time in almost three decades, the world has no reason to fear Osama bin Laden. In just a moment, in a live address to the nation, the president will announce that in a coordinated operation under the cover of darkness, US Special Forces tonight killed the leader of al-Qaeda and the mastermind behind the deadly attack of September 11th, 2001. It's been nine years, seven months, and 20 days since America's most wanted criminal took from us 2,977 American sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends and colleagues. We were transformed that morning into a different nation, more fearful and so, of course, more hostile. And while nothing, not even this victory our country has waited for for such a long time, can bring back the souls lost on that terrible morning in New York City, in Virginia, in a field in Pennsylvania, and all across America and the world, let tonight serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, America's darkest days have always been followed by its finest hours. Here now, from the East Room of the White House, the President of the United States. [goes into the presidents address]
I'm asking why you reached out to me.
Because, your recent complications notwithstanding, you cover the media better than anyone out there.
You haven't lost your touch for complimenting and insulting someone at the same time.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Unless there's a rally—
I'm sorry, I've gotta—
Listen.
Sloan...
Unless there's a rally in the next 90 minutes, the Dow is gonna close down about 2.5%, S&P NASDAQ will close down 2.3. Let me tell you why.
I don't own a lot of stock...
Let me tell you why.
[upset] I really can't deal with this right now—
[raising her voice] Stop avoiding this! I just got off the phone with these guys. Listen to these quotes. These aren't from liberals. These are hardcore Wall Street guys who, whatever the world may think of them, know what they're talking about and so do I. Jamie Dimon at Chase says: "Voting against raising the debt ceiling would be a moral disaster." The Barclay's guys say "This debate is detached from reality." My Goldman source says: "If the House Republicans continue this debate, I hope they're willing to mark the end of the dollar as the Global Reserve Currency." Please notice that he didn't say: "If the House Republicans don't raise the debt ceiling." HE SAID: "If the House Republicans continue this debate." That's all it takes. Just the uncertainty. That's why the Dow is gonna close down 230 points today. Because just the debate. Just the doubt. Just the possibility that the House Majority might commit the greatest self-inflicted damage to [raising her voice] the country since the SECESSION OF THE SOUTH has caused billions in value to disappear."
Sloan, I understand. I swear to God I do. But you can't say the same thing in the C-block?
Don't pretend that you don't know that most people watch 10 minutes of news. The first 10 minutes.
The vote isn't until tomorrow night and it's only the first vote and you said yourself it was cosmetic. Why do we have to feature it tonight?
We should've been featuring it weeks ago. We should've been leading with it every night.
Why do we have to feature it tonight?
To give time for the people to call their Congressman and say: "If you fuck with the full faith and credit of the US Treasury, you're fired!" To give time for the people to jam the phone lines of the District Offices, to give the people TIME to say: "I'm a fiscal conservative, and you've gotta put the pin back in the grenade right now." That's why.
I'm gonna do everything I can.
[upset] Please do.
[to Sloan] Look, I'll do my best to find you the time you need for the story. We just need to hope there's no new piece of nonsense I have to jam into my 22 minutes of Short Attention Span Theater.
Anthony Weiner accidentally tweeted a picture of his groin to 40,000 followers. [Mac whimpers]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Newsroom pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
