Sloan Sabbith quotes from The Newsroom

Sloan

The greater fool is actually an economic term. The greater fool is a patsy. For the rest of us to profit, we need a greater fool, someone who will buy long and sell short. Most people spend their lives trying not to be the greater fool; we toss him the hot potato, we dive for his seat when the music stops. The greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think that he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by greater fools.

Mackenzie

What's the difference between a corporation and a person?

Sloan

Have you ever held a door open for someone?

Mackenzie

Yes.

Sloan

Did you ask them for money first?

Mackenzie

No.

Sloan

That's the difference.

Don

Your copy will be written for you to approve. You've got Marco Rubio, Sandra Bernhard...

Sloan

Sandra Bernhard's been dead for 100 years!

Don

That's Sarah Bernhardt.

Sloan

She'd be a good guest.

Don

...I hate my life.

Sloan

Unless there's a rally—

Mac

I'm sorry, I've gotta—

Sloan

Listen.

Mac

Sloan...

Sloan

Unless there's a rally in the next 90 minutes, the Dow is gonna close down about 2.5%, S&P NASDAQ will close down 2.3. Let me tell you why.

Mac

I don't own a lot of stock...

Sloan

Let me tell you why.

Mac

[upset] I really can't deal with this right now—

Sloan

[raising her voice] Stop avoiding this! I just got off the phone with these guys. Listen to these quotes. These aren't from liberals. These are hardcore Wall Street guys who, whatever the world may think of them, know what they're talking about and so do I. Jamie Dimon at Chase says: "Voting against raising the debt ceiling would be a moral disaster." The Barclay's guys say "This debate is detached from reality." My Goldman source says: "If the House Republicans continue this debate, I hope they're willing to mark the end of the dollar as the Global Reserve Currency." Please notice that he didn't say: "If the House Republicans don't raise the debt ceiling." HE SAID: "If the House Republicans continue this debate." That's all it takes. Just the uncertainty. That's why the Dow is gonna close down 230 points today. Because just the debate. Just the doubt. Just the possibility that the House Majority might commit the greatest self-inflicted damage to [raising her voice] the country since the SECESSION OF THE SOUTH has caused billions in value to disappear."

Mac

Sloan, I understand. I swear to God I do. But you can't say the same thing in the C-block?

Sloan

Don't pretend that you don't know that most people watch 10 minutes of news. The first 10 minutes.

Mac

The vote isn't until tomorrow night and it's only the first vote and you said yourself it was cosmetic. Why do we have to feature it tonight?

Sloan

We should've been featuring it weeks ago. We should've been leading with it every night.

Mac

Why do we have to feature it tonight?

Sloan

To give time for the people to call their Congressman and say: "If you fuck with the full faith and credit of the US Treasury, you're fired!" To give time for the people to jam the phone lines of the District Offices, to give the people TIME to say: "I'm a fiscal conservative, and you've gotta put the pin back in the grenade right now." That's why.

Mac

I'm gonna do everything I can.

Sloan

[upset] Please do.

[in Will's office] I told you, this guy--

Will

[walking in] This guy what?

Wasn't on the team.

He's on the team, okay?

Will

Hang on. The team I'm on is the voters' and smart, qualified people disagreeing about issues.

Your plan was to embarrass the candidates.

Will

I want candidates who can answer those questions. And if they know they're going to be held responsible for the nonsense they're shouting on the stump, they'll be forced to stop shouting nonsense.

This guy has lost his mind.

He hasn't.

Will

Adam, this is exactly what we always talked about. This is what we dreamed of. We said we need real campaign reform and a way of letting Americans hear the two best competing arguments.

Nobody could stand up to that kind of questioning.

Will

You think that was brutal questioning?

It really wasn't.

And you honestly believe the candidates would submit themselves to this?

They should welcome it.

I don't believe what I'm hearing.

Any candidate who can handle a cross is gonna find himself at the top of the polls in the morning. And we should welcome it 'cause it'll clear out the clown car and give us a serious discussion among serious candidates.

The only person who would welcome it is him. This is about him. He wants to look tough by making the candidates look like idiots.

No, he doesn't. I have known this man for 25 years and I vouch--

I don't care what you vouch for. I am not allowing the goddamn press to make fools out of our candidates.

I'll remember that the next time you bitch about how the press never vetted Obama.

[to Will] We're not agreeing to this format. You are going to abide by the rules that we give you and I don't want Mackenzie McHale producing it for you.

Will

What are you talking about?

I want the old Will McAvoy. Not the thing she turned you into. I know all about that lady.

Will

Get out.

Will, come on. You need the debate. Of course he can use Mackenzie.

Will

These guys have been compromising and compromising all week so we could host a debate that made some sense and did some good.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, because it was all for nothing.

We need ACN.

No, we don't.

They've got the independents.

He's not the only anchor at ACN. [marches out of office] Don Keefer.

Don

Yeah?

How would you and Elliot Hirsch like to have one of the debates?

Don

Eat me.

Mr. Skinner, I'm trying to be as-

Charlie

When Don says, "Eat me," that's usually the end of the conversation.

Sloan Sabbith. You want to be a star?

Sloan

Me?

Yeah.

Sloan

Fuck you.

[To Adam] I hate these guys. I don't know why you don't.

Don

I'm gonna ask her to move in with me.

Sloan

I see. First, let me say you made a very wise decision coming to me with this problem.

Don

It's not a problem.

Sloan

Well, let's see what I can do about that.

Don

How would you want to be asked?

Sloan

To move in with a guy?

Don

Yeah.

Sloan

By having the guy say "Will you marry me?"

Don

Okay, well, let's just take that off the table for the moment.

Sloan

You know, if you're living together, it makes it harder to break up.

Don

Well, that's the idea.

Sloan

You have to get cartons.

Don

You've been no help at all.

Sloan

Since I'm never going to see you again after Friday, I feel like I can tell you something.

Don

We'll see each other.

Sloan

Maybe not after I say what I'm going to say.

Don

And you're not leaving.

Sloan

I don't know who told you you're a bad guy, but somebody did, somebody along the way. Somebody or something convinced you of it because you think you're a bad guy, and you're just not. I'm socially inept, but even I know that. So because you're a bad guy you try to do things you think a good guy would do, like committing to someone you like but maybe don't love. A sweet, smart, wholesome Midwestern girl. I could be wrong. I almost always am.

Don

Why are you single?

Sloan

A lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence.

Don

No, seriously.

Sloan

Because you never asked me out. Caught you off-guard, didn't I?

Don

Yeah, you really did.

Charlie

Hey, money skirt!

Sloan

The day will come when we have an HR rep who cares what goes on on this floor. And on that day, sir, I will dance upon your grave.

Charlie

Reciting stock quotes and wearing a skirt?

Sloan

How much time do I have to formulate a comeback?

Charlie

That was it. The first thing out of your mouth is the comeback - you wasted yours on a question about comebacks. [pause] Fantasy football draft starts in 10 minutes.

Sloan

I know. I'm the commissioner.

Charlie

Your parents must be proud.

Sloan

They are. I was elected unanimously.

Charlie

You were unopposed - just like when you were elected class treasurer.

Sloan

That was an important job.

Charlie

It wasn't.

Sloan

Why does it have to be like this?

Charlie

Because you're a nerd and I'm a nerd and you make nerds look bad.

Sloan

No, I make nerds look good.

Maggie

If it goes to voice mail after two rings, they saw your name and sent you to voice mail.

Sloan

Really?

Maggie

Four rings they're not there, two rings they don't wanna talk to you.

Sloan

All right, I have to retrace my entire life now.

Mac

Hey, how was your weekend?

Sloan

It was good. It was good and then I saw Titanic for the first time.

Mac

You'd never seen it before?

Sloan

You know how I am about sad movies and the title suggested it wasn't gonna end well. But I still didn't see it coming. Mac, what is more important than the people you-- Kodak is dropping like a sack of flour. I'll never let go, Kodak. I'll never let go.

It's after midnight now and I feel like I can ask a question.

Sloan

Sure.

I meant to Will.

Will

Yes.

Who did you vote for today?

Will

You know I'm not answering that.

I thought you might because you revealed your party affiliation on the air last year.

Will

I did. I identified myself as a Republican because I thought it was fair to give to the viewer given the commentary I was delivering.

A commentary that ended with you calling the Tea Party the American Taliban.

Will

Yes.

And in the body of the commentary - was a blistering indictment of Republicans.

Will

Exactly the opposite. It was a blistering indictment of people who aren't Republicans.

Well, who's to say who is and who isn't?

Will

On that night, I did.

I want to remind you you asked me to pursue this area.

Will

I understand.

And I'm wondering, with all respect, do you call yourself a Republican so you can make a claim to credibility when you attack the GOP?

Will

No, I call myself a Republican 'cause I am one. I believe in market solutions and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that's about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats. And I have to hate Chris Christie for not spitting on the president when he got off Air Force One. The two-party system is crucial to the whole operation. There's honor in being the loyal opposition. And I'm a Republican for the same reasons you are. So I hope your voice gets louder in the next four years.

Well, I don't like losing, so count on it.

Don

I was gonna get the buffet.

Sloan

I don't know why, if given a choice, anyone wouldn't get the buffet. Under what circumstance would you order off the menu?

Don

If the menu had a five pound lobster and the buffet was soy themed, all you can eat assorted soy.

Sloan

Here's what I need you to do...

Don

Why does there have to be an assignment?

Sloan

Hey, are we in this buffet thing together?

Don

Yeah, we tell the waiter we're getting the buffet.

Sloan

I did a Q&A in Shape about my healthy diet.

Don

You lied.

Sloan

In a big way. And I'm really hungry so I need you to get food for me and I'll get food for you.

Don

Got it.

Sloan

Crab claws, as far as the eye can see. Mushroom, Swiss cheese omelet. And I can't emphasize this enough, waffles.

Don

Would you consider us a couple?

Sloan

I don't understand the question...

Don

Yeah you do cause this is exactly how I act in the same situation. Suddenly I pretend I'm stupid and hearing impaired. Do you consider us a couple?

Sloan

Do you consider us a couple?

Don

I do that too, Socrates.

Sloan

We are...

Don

Yup?

Sloan

Okay, let me say...

Don

Go ahead.

Sloan

Here's what we are...

Don

Bring it.

Sloan

I love spending time with you.

Don

H-ho, oh man...

Sloan

Wait.

Don

I can't believe I'm being Don Keefered.

Sloan

You're not! I would never Don Keefer you.