The Mindy Project · Season 1
So the girl Danny picked for me is dating you, but thinks you're me?
Yes! It only took you twenty minutes to understand that. Please, help me!
I'm fighting two urges here: Date a smart, beautiful woman I have earned through self-improvement, or help a bro get a girl by lying.
You should know we slept together.
She's all yours, Morgan.
Thank you, Peter.
Stanford will just be another dead professional dream, like being an astronaut or an African dictator.
What's this? Are all the men from your church still at the office?
No, this is an all-female living nativity.
Everybody?
Yeah!
The shepherds? The little drummer boy?....Are those the three wise women?
Yes.
OK, I gotta get outta here. This is basically witchcraft.
I actually don't speak any Indian languages, but I do know how to do a kinda offensive Indian accent.
All my alumni emails go to spam, 'cause they're always asking me for money. Because, one time I fell through a stained-glass window.
Hey girls! I'm back! Did you miss me?
You were gone?
Well of course she was gone! She was picking up her Nobel Peace Prize. Your head healed real nice.
She thinks you're Malala.
[holding a pregnancy test] Yeah, this one is positive. Which makes 30 positives. But there was that one negative!
The negative was a popsicle stick.
Do you even bother telling your boyfriend if there's only, like, a 96% chance you could be pregnant?
100% chance. It was a popsicle stick! I saw you eat the popsicle, and then draw this little minus sign on it and then pee on it, for some reason!
I knew I shouldn't have told you, but it's not my fault! I have ADHDTV.
I saw Henry and Lauren for about an hour or two, then they saw me and I ran away.
You know what? It's only stalking if it doesn't work. You make her love you!
Now Dr. K's treating me like family. He took me on his boat! No one has ever done that and brought me back.
You cannot keep a Southern family's gay secret for personal gain. What, are you in a Tennessee Williams play?! [pause] Whoa, am I smart?
That was a great surgery. I forgot how much I enjoy slicing open women. Thank God I became a doctor.
After that, I think we deserve a treat.
Whoa, a flask? Mine was confiscated at the American Girl Store.
If you are not living your authentic self, what even was the point of Glee?
Of all the times I have been abandoned at a celebrity pet grave, this is the most hurtful!
It's been a great place to raise Eric. You know, everyone owns a gun here, so there's no crime. It's just accidents and suicides.
You know, I think Eric got his blue eyes from someone on Danny's side of the family.
Huh, yeah, probably. There's just one little problem with your theory, lady....That man's fiancee had me dig through his geneology to find out if there was any chance that she could have blue-eyed children. And I still have the scratch marks from when I told her it was impossible.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Mindy Project pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
