But Casper's such a friendly guy.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Dubbie, I can badge my way into Fort Knox. I can talk my way into Lincoln's bedroom. But a sorority house? When it comes to that forbidden stronghold of femininity, I'm afraid penetration is nearly impossible.
That's not what I've heard about the Omegas! Oh!
I just wish I wasn't having such a difficult time of this.
Sex, waffles and video games? What am I missing?
Can you keep a secret?
Have I told anybody about that thing with the blueberry pudding pops and the elliptical machine?
You got to stop looking for the emotional rip-cord, Dub-Dub, or you're going to find out that your parachute is really a backpack.
What's that even mean?
Check this guy out. The Fabulous Face. He tries to replace everyone in the White House with evil doubles.
And he succeeded, though no one seemed to notice at the time.
(awkwardly) Dubbie...hey...
That's all, just "hey"?
Yes...hey. There's something we need to discuss. It involves your Middlewatch...and the Real-Time Situational Recording Archive.
Oh, you mean that thing on my wrist that records everything I...(horrified realization) Oh my God. You...you saw me and Tyler!
Now...now, Dubbie, there is watching and there is seeing, and I did not watch. But I did see. It was a passing glance, really...although part of my training involves being able to memorize an entire scene with a single look...
AAAGGGHH!
There's a protocol called "Code 86". It's for when Middlemen need some private time.
You're just telling me about this now?!
I didn't think you'd need it this soon!
Does it bother you? Having "Original Recipe" hanging around?
He's hardly original anything. He's just one in a long line, as am I, doing the job.
"The job" means that he's wearing a hook for a hand for the rest of his life. Why does he do it? Why do you do it? Can't retire happily, can't fall in love...
Can't fall in love? Who told you that?
He did.
It's not impossible for us to find love. It's impossible for him.
Well...how come you aren't with anyone?
(wistfully) My choices are my own. But rest assured, I've loved and been loved. If you can't find happiness, that's on you. Not the job or anyone else.
Oh, I'm a gonna get my Buffy on.
I'm not sure Vladdy's gonna start biting anyone just yet.
Look, it's trying to think.
(to Wendy) No pressure, hon. I fully expect you to fail.
If you want to help Mr. Noser right now, you'll dedicate yourself mind, body , and soul to preventing undead creatures of the night from rising from the grave to suck him dry.
You don't talk to other humans much, do you?
Dubbie, did he just turn into a bat puppet?
Man, I don't even have an opinion.
Look, I don't care what you say, you are going to that interview and I'm driving you there.
Lacey, I'm a musician.
And this is like Bono offering you a job.
Bono, Buddha and the Wizard of Oz.
Seriously, Dubbie, since you and I met, I've been writing like a song-nado.
A tornado made of songs?
You know it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Middleman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.