“Halloween in Orchid Bay” quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Trick or treat!

Thank you!

Juniper Lee

(sighs) Elvis, Jody. I'm Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll.

Jody Irwin

Oh. I'm a princess.

Roger Radcliffe

Duh. I'm a werewolf-robot-Abraham Lincoln on roller skates. (howls) Beep beep! Four score and seven years ago... (howls)

Monroe

(insulted) For the last time, boy, it's not a skirt! It's a kilt! Nor is it a costume! I happen to be chilly! Now let's be done with this senseless ritual so I can go home already!

Ray Ray Lee

Ah, dude, we haven't even hit our stride. (to Juniper and her friends) Come on, come on! We gotta move! The good stuff goes fast! Now, the word is they're doling out whole candy bars on Griffin Avenue. If we don't move it, we'll be getting no sugar-free hard candies from the bottom of some old lady's purse. (Jody, Ophelia and Roger start moving)

Juniper Lee

(sighs) You must chill.

Ray Ray Lee

Chill nothing! We'll be lucky to hit half the houses on our block before you gotta go kick some monster's butt 'cause your stupid bracelet starts beeping.

Ray Ray Lee

Say, what do real monsters do on Halloween? I mean, do they tear it up like it's New Year's Eve or somethin'?

Ray Ray Lee

Where?

Ray Ray Lee

Behind those kids?

(checks his watch) It's 6:30.

Here is some human money in exchange for printed news. (He and his friend laugh, to the newsdealer's annoyance)

Hi, can I have the telephone number for... Big Bill's Deep Dish Chicago-Style Pizza? (he and his friend laugh)