The Larry Sanders Show quotes

[to Darlene about appearing in Playboy] Look at me; I've got a face that would crack a mirror that's why I am a producer.

[to Elizabeth Ashley in the throes of passion in the Garment Room] Ever since you've gone on SlimfastTM, I'm powerless.

Larry

[After quitting the show and moving to Montana] And now because he made a big mistake, Larry Sanders... Fucking frogs.

It's scotch whisky... Glenlivet, single malt. When you die, you'll go to heaven, say hello to God; and when God says hello to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath.

Hank

You know, sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

Larry

...to quote our president.

Larry

All right, look, you know, I think we're avoiding one little question here: what if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?

Oh, man, I- she's a lesbian, I can tell, right? I've had sex with a lesbian.

So you had sex with a lesbian. You gotta have sex with two lesbians, that's the whole point.

Arthur...

Melanie! And Kenny! What an almost-pleasant surprise! ...

Look, Arthur: We're a little worried, here...

About what?

Is Jon [Stewart] aware that this is an 11:30 show?!

[nods]

..and he just told us that he booked the Wu Tang Clan!

Yes! Staten Island's street-wise troubadours. ... What about 'em?

Well, we think they might be a little too... "urban".

Urban? Well, I can call my good friend, Lenny Kravitz. He's only half-"urban"!

Hank

You folks see that flashing sign up there? Now, that sign says: "Applesauce." No, no, I'm kidding. It says "applause." Ray, do me a favor. Could you flick that once? [crowd applauds] All right. Now remember. You're all a big part of the show, so the better you are, the better Larry is. You see this gentleman? He's giving me this sign and it says, "We're on in ten seconds." So get ready to have a good time. All right, here we go. This is exciting, isn't it?