FDr. Farber
Alright, listen... The guiding principle here is that we are trying to rekindle the sexual spark in this long-term relationship. And Mama T and Mama B do not make mad, passionate love to one another; they make cookies.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I'm Alice Pieszecki and you're listening to the chart on KCRW. Welcome back. Tonight we are talking about the connection between love and the senses. [short pause] Your lover kisses you, and you feel a tremor in the back of your knees. The synapses fire sending orders, move your legs, move your arms... she's the one for you, she's the... girl of your dreams, she's your one and only. And you know because... the smell of her makes your head swim, because you get a physical jolt every time she sends a glance your way. I mean she touches you here [puts hand on lower neck] and you feel it... here. [touches inner thigh] You touch her... anywhere, and you feel it... everywhere. And then... boom. It's six months later and she's... touching someone else. And you might say "Hey... all relationships end, lovers leave, leaving a labyrinth of... heartache and betrayal." For example, my first boyfriend left me for a voluptuous... former lesbian named April, who I then wound up having a rebound affair with, but... We could also talk about Gabbi. Otherwise known as lesbian ex of point of origin for an entire geographical substratum of lesbian linkages. Including... Lara. Yes that same Lara, we love her... Lara the larcenist... Lara the liberator. Lara the, the new true love of... of Dana. [takes out and opens a bottle of pills] ...and, yeah, I mean Dana who told me she needed... she needed closure, closure with Lara. [pause] Well, it's six months later... and I'm still waiting for it to close.
Are you thinking about having sex with me right now?
MMoira
It's crossed my mind...
[on her relationship with Angelica] I'm her Earth-mother. I guess I'd be her godmother, except I don't believe in God.
SStepfather
I don't know what more we can do.
Nothing. There is nothing more you can do for me to make me the person you are comfortable with.
[Carmen is making out with Shane]
Quiero lamberte hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces.
Sorry, my Spanish is a little rusty. Could you be more specific?
It means: I want to lick you until you come in my mouth a thousand times.
Whoa.
[after shooting one of the rednecks with a taser gun] We're not fags, idiot! We're DYKES!
AAnna
Who does your hair?
I do it myself.
AAnna
Well, some job you do to it. It's all tangled, stringy. When was the last time you washed it?
[Anna takes out a brush and starts brushing Shane's hair]
AAnna
Here, I'll just pat it down. If you want me to make it a little more straight I'll...
[interrupting] NO! Do not... make it straight.
[to a little kid at Angelica's birthday party] Hi there, who are you?
RRoland
I'm Roland. Are you the clown?
I'm the birthday girl, Roland. [Alice looks around and spots all the toddlers at the party. It's clearly not her party] And yes, yes I'm the clown.
RRoland
[running off] Mommy, mommy, the clown's here!
[snickering, to Shane] Big butch: go unload the truck.
[Moira tosses bag at Shane, who almost falls over catching it]
I'm trying to meet with Barbara Grisham tomorrow before the hearings.
Senator Grisham. Damn, I think she's hot.
Is your husband as fluid as you are?
SBSenator Barbara Grisham
My husband. I have an arrangement. Works out well. But none the less.
What do you teach?
URUta Refson
I'm a vampirologist. I teach a course on the queer vampire in literature and film. And a seminar called demon desire, about the vampire as a lesbian predator.
Okay, I'm a total vampire lesbian freak!
URUta Refson
What attracts you to the lesbian vampire, Alice?
I don't know, Uta. Maybe it's just... I like the dark side.
URUta Refson
What about tomorrow?
What? Lunch?
URUta Refson
For dinner. I'm not much of a daytime person.
What? Because vampires don't go out during the day?
URUta Refson
No. We lay in bed... with the curtains drawn.
[creepy musical fanfare]
[slightly afraid] Okay... uh... tomorrow night.
I think Uta might be a vampire
What?
Well have you seen her teeth? They're...
[cuts Alice off] What?
They're sharp. They're... [shows Helena her neck]
That's a hickey.
I don't know. [pauses] I don't know.
Well. [pulls out a mirror] You know what they say about vampires. No reflection.
Oh!
Try.
Okay. [to Uta, who just walked over] Hey.
Okay.
[Helena leaves, scared by the look Uta just gave her]
I think I got some thing in my teeth. I'll just... [turns so the mirror faces Uta]
[Uta ducks while Alice is turning]
[looking for Uta in the mirror] Holy fucking shit. [turns around]
URUta Refson
[standing again] What? Oh, I just dropped my ring. Why don't we get out of here?
[has a scared/distrusting look on her face] Okay.
[about flirting with guys in her DJ-booth] Are you jealous?
NO! I'm not fucking jealous... it just made me sad.
Oh! You were so fucking sad that you go off and fuck Cherie Jaffe... SHANE! What kind of psychotic response is that?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The L Word pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.