"Hm. Here's the crook of the month."15,000 reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart. Wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives, Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a little railroad station in a valise, a ladies hatbox, and an executive's briefcase." Well, that's one way to send your wife to the country."Description, Bonehart is 5'10", has wavy hair, a natty mustache, and walks with a limp, due to an impediment, Bonehart speaks with a slight British accent, and has difficulty pronouncing 'good evening'."Approach with caution."No one I know. Oh, well.Good night, Wilma.
Why would you keep a fishy in a birdcage?
AAlvin
Because it's a flying fishy. The world's rarest fishy.The legendary man-eating piranhakeet.
Ppiranhakeet
[chirping] [screeches]
That's cute. Is this piranhakeet, uh, finger-trained?
AAlvin
Look out. Fingers, toes, whatever it can get its teeth into. It's the only flying man-eater in the world and the other scientists think it's extinct.
AAlvin
Which reminds me of my other motive for stopping by.May I use your phone to call Agatha? Mine's been disconnected.
Okay but don't forget to reverse the charges on your alibi.
AAlvin
Of course, You know.Certainly. Hello, pussycat. [Agatha chatters angrily] But, pussycat, I am sending the trunk with your weights and barbells. [angry chatter continues] I know you're out of shape. I didn't mean it that way, pussycat. [chattering continues]Of course, you need a workout. I'll try to be there as soon as I can.
AAlvin
Your suspicions are correct. The story had a happy ending. Science was indeed astounded by my discovery of a living man-eater which can be trained to eat wives, too, if necessary. Chirp for the people.
Ppiranhakeet
[chirping][screeches]
AAlvin
Please forgive its toothy grin. It acts just like a canary that ate the pussycat.Good evening.
Wilma, where's the sport section of the newspaper?
I think Mr. Gypsum took it.
Wilma, where's the last bottle of Rocky Cola I was saving?
I think Montague took it.
Wilma, where's that magazine I was reading?
Oh, Wilma, where's that bottle of rat poison?
WELL, He'S TAKEN Everything ELSE!
WBWilma and Betty
Melville J. Muchrocks is a crook.
Muchrocks a crook? Are you sure?
Absolutely, he's wanted by the police.
We heard him described to a T.
Wilma, do you know where they went?
They said they were going to the amusement park and then to dinner. Oh my poor mother.
Don't you worry sweetheart, you leave it to me. Barney.
You ever play football, Barney?
Because you're going to run interference while I intercept a proposal.
Hey, maybe a drink of 412-up will help! [Barney is still hiccuping] Hold it Barney! Here, drink this! [Forcibly pours the concoction down Barney's throat]
Yuck! Woo, that tastes awful! I, uh, I feel kinda funny, Fred!
What do you mean, funny? [Barney starts wobbling and making weird noises] Barney! What's the matter? [Barney disappears] Oh boy... Barney, where are you?
I'm right in front of you! Boy, you must need glasses!
That drink did the trick, Fred! The hiccups have completely disappeared!
And you with them, Barney! You're invisible!
I love my dear sweet mother in-law. My mother in-law is a doll.
AAttendant
Are you feeling alright, mister?
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
AAttendant
Good. Good. You just stay in here and rest. That hot sun out there is a killer.
Poor guy, he must have been standing in it for hours.
What's up? Any more interference from that domineering, loudmouth female brontosaurus, and she'll be what's up. Wham, Right into space.
Oh, Wilma's mother's back, huh?
Of course not! I'm talking about that antiseptic refugee from the psycho ward! The nurse, Miss Frightenshale.
AMAnn-Margrock
[singing] You are still awake, and it's half past your bedtime. That sandman had a date he couldn't keep. But when the lambs commence to jump across the fence, I'll count them all until you fall asleep. The first little lamb jumped over the fence and was off to the land of nod. The second and the 3rd were close behind, like 3 little peas in a pod. The 4th little lamb was to chubby to jump. He crawled under instead. The 5th little lamb wasn't there at all. He must've stayed home in bed. Number 6 jumped around as confused as can be. He didn't know where he had been. He jumped over, that's true, but before he was through, he jumped over, jumped back, then jumped over again. The next little lamb was the littlest lamb. Too little for such a big leap. Though she tried like a stout, she soon tuckered out and the littlest lamb went to sleep. The littlest lamb is asleep.
THTV Host
Hi, Peek-a-Boo fans! As you know, last week was one of our funniest shows, and we've received 000s of letters asking us to repeat it! [chuckles]
Oh no; they're repeating it!
THTV Host
So, tonight, we'll show some of the funniest scenes from...the bachelor party!
Why, they told us they're going to a...FRED FLINTSTONE!
[upon seeing Fred dressed as Santa] Santa Claus! Am I glad to see you! I'd like a mink coat, three new dresses, some wall-to-wall furniture and...
Aw, cut it out, Betty. You know it's me.
Ah, I was afraid it might be. But just in case you were Santa, I didn't want to pass up the opportunity.
