Fred Flintstone quotes from The Flintstones

Fred

Wilma, You’re back.

Fred

Yabba Dabba Doo!

Barney

But Fred, my legs are getting tired.

Fred

Are your legs tired or are you tired of living? Keep pumping!

Barney

I'm too pooped to pump.

Wilma

It won't be long now. Barney's running out of gas.

I know. It'll be nice to have them back.

Fred

The ring wasn't in the flour canister. So it's got to be in the batter. [slowly peeks around the corner]

Wilma

FRED!

Fred

AAH!

Wilma

What are you peeking around corners for?

Fred

"Hm. Here's the crook of the month."15,000 reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart. Wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives, Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a little railroad station in a valise, a ladies hatbox, and an executive's briefcase." Well, that's one way to send your wife to the country."Description, Bonehart is 5'10", has wavy hair, a natty mustache, and walks with a limp, due to an impediment, Bonehart speaks with a slight British accent, and has difficulty pronouncing 'good evening'."Approach with caution."No one I know. Oh, well.Good night, Wilma.

Wilma

Good night, Fred.

It is a birdcage.

Barney

Why would you keep a fishy in a birdcage?

Because it's a flying fishy. The world's rarest fishy.The legendary man-eating piranhakeet.

[chirping] [screeches]

Barney

That's cute. Is this piranhakeet, uh, finger-trained?

Look out. Fingers, toes, whatever it can get its teeth into. It's the only flying man-eater in the world and the other scientists think it's extinct.

Which reminds me of my other motive for stopping by.May I use your phone to call Agatha? Mine's been disconnected.

Fred

Okay but don't forget to reverse the charges on your alibi.

Of course, You know.Certainly. Hello, pussycat. [Agatha chatters angrily] But, pussycat, I am sending the trunk with your weights and barbells. [angry chatter continues] I know you're out of shape. I didn't mean it that way, pussycat. [chattering continues]Of course, you need a workout. I'll try to be there as soon as I can.

Your suspicions are correct. The story had a happy ending. Science was indeed astounded by my discovery of a living man-eater which can be trained to eat wives, too, if necessary. Chirp for the people.

[chirping][screeches]

Please forgive its toothy grin. It acts just like a canary that ate the pussycat.Good evening.

Fred

Wilma, where's the sport section of the newspaper?

Wilma

I think Mr. Gypsum took it.

Fred

Wilma, where's the last bottle of Rocky Cola I was saving?

Wilma

I think Montague took it.

Fred

Wilma, where's that magazine I was reading?

Wilma

I think Monty took it.

Fred

Oh, Wilma, where's that bottle of rat poison?

Wilma

FRED, YOU CAN'T!

Fred

WELL, He'S TAKEN Everything ELSE!

Melville J. Muchrocks is a crook.

Fred

Muchrocks a crook? Are you sure?

Wilma

Absolutely, he's wanted by the police.

We heard him described to a T.

Fred

Wilma, do you know where they went?

Wilma

They said they were going to the amusement park and then to dinner. Oh my poor mother.

Fred

Don't you worry sweetheart, you leave it to me. Barney.

Barney

Yeah Fred?

Fred

C'mon, let's go.

Barney

Right Fred.

Fred

You ever play football, Barney?

Barney

Yeah Fred, why?

Fred

Because you're going to run interference while I intercept a proposal.

Wilma

Have you made any plans, Fred?

Fred

Yeah. I figure we can sell the car and then we'll have enough money to eat.

Barney

While we're hitchhiking home.

Hitchhiking home?

Wilma

Fred Flintstone! Did you lose all our money?

Fred

Yes Wilma.

OOH! NOO!

Fred

Hey, maybe a drink of 412-up will help! [Barney is still hiccuping] Hold it Barney! Here, drink this! [Forcibly pours the concoction down Barney's throat]

Barney

Yuck! Woo, that tastes awful! I, uh, I feel kinda funny, Fred!

Fred

What do you mean, funny? [Barney starts wobbling and making weird noises] Barney! What's the matter? [Barney disappears] Oh boy... Barney, where are you?

Barney

I'm right in front of you! Boy, you must need glasses!

Fred

Huh?

Barney

That drink did the trick, Fred! The hiccups have completely disappeared!

Fred

And you with them, Barney! You're invisible!

Fred

I love my dear sweet mother in-law. My mother in-law is a doll.

Are you feeling alright, mister?

Fred

Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Good. Good. You just stay in here and rest. That hot sun out there is a killer.

Fred

Poor guy, he must have been standing in it for hours.

Fred

[After Wilma starts feeding Pebbles to stop her from crying] All that noise because she was hungry?

Wilma

[offscreen] Ever hear yourself when your dinner's ten minutes late, Fred?

Barney

What’s up.

Fred

What's up? Any more interference from that domineering, loudmouth female brontosaurus, and she'll be what's up. Wham, Right into space.

Barney

Oh, Wilma's mother's back, huh?

Fred

Of course not! I'm talking about that antiseptic refugee from the psycho ward! The nurse, Miss Frightenshale.

Fred

We got to get out of here before something worse happens.

Barney

Yeah, like he could burp us to death.

Fred

Cut it out, Barney! Stop giving him ideas!

[upon seeing Fred dressed as Santa] Santa Claus! Am I glad to see you! I'd like a mink coat, three new dresses, some wall-to-wall furniture and...

Fred

Aw, cut it out, Betty. You know it's me.

Ah, I was afraid it might be. But just in case you were Santa, I didn't want to pass up the opportunity.

Fred

And to all of you from all of us...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!