Glasses; megaphones; mountains; chairs; dinosaurs; er, telly; music; cars; trains; hat and gloves; shoes; zebras; Eric Cantona; adverts, posters and that; calendars; roofs; umbrellas; er, caravans; pancakes; that clingy stuff, clingfilm, yeah, yeah; magazines; outer space and chocolate, all brilliant!
“Season One, Episode Five”
In this episode: Unlucky Alf (2), Brilliant (1), Prof. Dexter (1), Roy (1), Renée (1)
I was educated at the Woodrow Wilson Institute of Science, between the years 1967 and 1969. At this time, people like Professor Timothy Leary were advocating philosophies such as Tune In, Turn On and Drop Out and there was also the heavy use of hallucinogenic drugs. Can I just say, at this point, that these theories in no way affected my research or my philosophy.
NNarrator
And what exactly are you researching at the moment, Professor Dexter?
Space bats.
NNarrator
Space bats?
You bet your ass.
Oh we’ve just come back from London the capital city, there’s so much to see and do you know but everything’s so far apart I said to Roy ohh, me poor plates of meat, what did I say Roy?
RRoy
Me poor plates of meat
We went to see Les Miserable you know oh its really disappointing its all singing, you know no storyline. The tourists they were all queuing up outside for their tickets I said to Roy it’s a good job we booked ours on the dog and bone, what did I say Roy?
RRoy
It’s a good job we booked ours on the dog and bone
Went for a smashing meal at the Berni Inn myself and Roy, Big fans of Berni Inns and now there’s Harvester- what can you do? But there was like no room on the ground floor but the waiter found us a table up the apples and pears, where was the tables Roy?
RRoy
Up the apples and pears
Oh the waiter was cheeky you know real cockney type but nice with it, and he said to Roy is this your daughter about me, and Roy said no - it’s my wife. What did you say Roy?
RRoy
It’s my trouble and strife.
Don’t make me beat you again- Roy!
Sad day, buryin' me friend Albert today. Droppin' like flies they are now, all me old comrades. So, I'm off t' funeral at t' local cemt'ry. Though knowing my luck, something 'll probbly go tragically wrong...
[at the cemetery the funeral is over and everyone is walking from the grave. A knocking comes from the ground]
Let me out. Let me out. You've buried t' wrong bloke, it was Albert you were supposed t' be burying. Oh...bugger!
Bah, puddle. Knowing my luck, if I step in that, I'll go straight up t' me middle. I'll take me chances wi' road. Though knowing my luck, I'll probbly get run over.
[he steps out onto the road but is stopped by a passer-by, before a passing car nearly hits him]
PBPasser-By
Whoah! Hold up, grandad, what you doin'? You don't wanna walk in that road, you'll get whacked.
Well I'm not going in there young'un, knowing my luck it's probbly 'bout 4 or 5 foot deep.
PBPasser-By
Nah, you're all right, look. [he stamps about in the puddle] You won't even get your feet wet, hardly.
Oh, all right then, here goes nothin'
[he steps in the puddle and falls in up to his waist]
Oh...bugger!
PBPasser-By
Well, that was a bit unlucky.
[the passer-by walks away leaving Alf in the puddle]
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