[talking to the babies about his brother] James was very small, and this kid said, "He looks rather sickly", and James punched him in the face. And I look at my brother and he's [rocking back and forth with a smug look] and I say, "GO JAMES!" Anyway, he died and then I was very sad, but he's still with me, he's with me here [Points to heart] and he's going to be with you because I'm going to tell you stories about him.
S5 E11Cliff Babysits
S5 E12Truth or Consequences
Vanessa (yelling from her room): Jeremy, I'm so sorry!
(yells back) SHUT UP!
JJeremy
Would you mind if I took off my jacket? It's getting kind of hot in here.
That's fine.
JJeremy
Am I allowed to answer her?
Yes.
JJeremy
It's all right, Vanessa.
(yells again) I miss you!
Let me tell you something right now. I'm coming up and it's not because I love you!
I'm moving out!
Good, I'll help you pack!
S5 E13The Lost Weekend
GGuy
The coffee table broke. It broke when I was dancing on it.
You were dancing on a coffee table?!
GGuy
Don't worry. I'm not going to sue you.
So that's where you took Theo.
That's the second place, the first place was the army recruiter. I was serious, I was going to put his you know what in the army. We got there and there were 50 parents there, with 50 kids, all in line ahead of us. Some of them had their kids by the neck, one had a rope tied around her kid, then after 7 parents and kids went in and came back out, the army recruiter came out with a bullhorn. And he said, "Now listen up! All you parents who brought your kids here because they racked up money over the weekend on the credit card, or because your kid made somebody pregnant, or because they threw a party and destroyed the house, GET OUT OF LINE!"
S5 E14Mrs. Huxtable Goes to Kindergarten
Getting up at 4:30 in the morning to prove myself to a group of men basking in the nonexistent ray of their own intelligence is not my idea of fun.
MBMason Benedict
Banking had nothing to do with it! You're all sending up smoke screens. It was a classic business downturn, an exhaustion of labour and resources that led to the bust.
Well actually, that's not true.
MBMason Benedict
Pardon me.
In 1929, there was more than enough raw materials to maintain the current rate of production.
MBMason Benedict
Do you have a source to back that up?
As a matter of fact, I do. The Great Crash by John Kenneth Galbraith.
MBMason Benedict
Well, I've read Mr.Galbraith's book and I'm afraid you're wrong.
I don't think I am.
MBMason Benedict
Ian, you have a copy of the Galbraith book in your office don't you?
IIan
Well, yes!
Great! Why don't we get it and look it up?
MBMason Benedict
You'll only be sorry if we get the book.
[gives the Clair stare] I want the book.
S5 E16Can I Say Something?
Rudy, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework, honey. I'll check in on you at 9:30. Be ready for bed.
[grumbling] 9:30! Why can't I stay up past 9:30! And they say it's a free world, HA! That's what they think. It's a free nothing!
It's free because we pay for it!
When I was your age, I always wanted to stay up past my bedtime, but I could never figure out how to do it. You went to Mom and Dad with your list, and they changed it. Way to go!
Come on! What are you really doing? You're making fun of me, aren't you?
No, I mean it. I'm really proud of you.
I don't believe it! You came here to laugh at me because I'm tired. Well, it won't work!
What's the matter with you?
Don't play dumb with me. I know what you're really doing here! The whole family's setting me up to fail. Kenny told me. He said you're going to try to teach me a lesson. You don't think I can stay up. Well I'm on to you, sista! You're the ones that are going to look like fools, see! Yeah, when I pull this off!
You know what your problem is? You've been staying up too late watching too many of those old gangster movies.
I'll watch what I want, when I want! And you palookas can't stop me! I've been in tougher fixes than this! And you can just take your phony smile and hit the bricks!
Hit the bricks?!?
Yeah, scram, baby! [Vanessa leaves the room as Rudy goes back to her desk] They're not going to take me alive, yeah!
S5 E17No Way Baby
(to Rudy) You'll never get a good job with only a 4th grade education.
Sure I will.
What'll you do?
Teach the 3rd grade.
RRay
(to Cliff) My granddaughter's having a baby?
Yes.
RRay
I didn't know she was married.
She isn't. You see it is possible to have a baby without getting married.
S5 E20Theo's Women
JJustine
(to Theo) Is our relationship in so much trouble that you have to go and practice with somebody else?
Justine, it's me, please don't hang up! (Justine hangs up on the phone and Theo gets upset)
(Slams the door and gets angry) UHH!!! Just kill him! Who does he think he is?!
Vanessa, would you please keep it down? I need some peace and quiet right now.
I will NOT keep it down! Do you have any idea what happened to me today? I stayed late at school because I had a science club meeting, so when I left I took a shortcut home. And right there on Flatbush Ave. in front of everybody sitting on a bench with his arm around Kyle Stevens was MY boyfriend! Excuse me, EX-boyfriend. Jeremy "The rat nose" Wilson!
(He looks at her while being concerned) He was?
So I went up to him, and I said: "What are you doing?" and he just looked at me and said: "Well, I was just sitting here with my arm on the bench and she sat down next to me.". Can you believe that?! Right there in public with his hands all over some other girl?! Would you do that to someone that you cared about?! Why would he do that, Theo? Why?!
I don't know, Vanessa. But JUST because he had his arm around with another girl, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you! You should give him another chance.
That is the same kind of garbage he was trying to lay on me! Was is it with you guys, do you read from the same book of bull?! Jeremy is history! Do you know the sacrifices I made for this guy?
Well, what if he came to you, and confessed that he made a terrible, terrible mistake?
I'd show him the door!
Okay, what if he said he was really, really sorry and you saw that he was in a whole lot of pain?
If I see him again, he will KNOW what pain is.
S5 E22A Room with No View
[Rudy and Vanessa are drinking orange juice]
It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.
Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.
Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.
You're the slop that pigs eat.
You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.
[Vanessa starts strangling Rudy. Cliff comes in the kitchen]
Stop it! What are you doing?
I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.
S5 E23What He Did for Love
(Theo and his friends imitate Kung Fu movie sound effects as they raid the fridge.)
TLTheo, Lou, and Mitchell
Ah-nu-nu-nu! Ah-nu-nu-nu! Ah-nu-nu-nu-nu!
No-no-no-no-no!
DDenny
I had to stand up in front of the police in the police station and tell Jade that I found the watch, symbol of our love on the street.
How'd she take it?
DDenny
She broke up with me, calling me a conniving creature. Then she turned to the police and said, "Officers, arrest him for impersonating a man."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cosby Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.