Rudy Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Theo

I don't get it. If you weren't going back to school, why did you pack all your bags?

Denise

'Cause as soon as I tell Mom and Dad what I'm doing, Dad's going to throw me out of the house.

Vanessa

Good. That means I'll get my room back.

Rudy

So will I.

Denise

You guys! I'm about to face a really difficult situation and all you can think about is yourselves?

Vanessa

Hey, who else are we supposed to think about?

Rudy

Yeah! [they leave the room]

Rudy

Dad, you will do your impression of the funny pirate, won't you? Everybody loves it when you do the pirate!

Cliff

Well, first of all, I am not a professional comedian.

Denise

What did they say?

Rudy

I had my ear right to the door and all I heard was "Denise," "Quitter" and "Dropout".

Denise

That's all you heard?

Rudy

No, but then I heard Daddy say (deepens voice) "Rudy, get away from the door!"

Denise

That's it, I'm not going! The chance of a lifetime. It'll never happen to me again!

Cliff

Hello! First of all, I want you to understand that I didn't appreciate you sending a spy. And on top of that you sent a lousy spy.

Rudy

How come you didn't let him have it?

Vanessa

Roy is a gentleman, Rudy and he was trying to protect my feelings.

Rudy

Oh man, love's a joke!

Vanessa

No, it's not! Not if you have a guy like Roy. (goes upstairs excited) Yes!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Rudy

In two days, she'll be writing about dead crickets again.

Rudy

I thought they were hot!

Clair

Maybe you should go up to your room and cool off!

Rudy

Aw, man!!! [goes upstairs]

Mrs. Huxtable, is there something wrong?

Clair

I don't know who you think you are, but you are not the people who just came down here in my living room, half-dressed, flinging parts from one end to the other!

Cliff

Are my eyes deceiving me? Aren't you all swollen in areas where you weren't swollen before?

Clair

Thank you. Because I definitely detect some growth! [approaches Vanessa and removes a large wad of tissues from top portion of her outfit]

Vanessa

Mom! That's part of our outfits!

Clair

The only part of your clothing that you will be allowed to stuff things into will be your pockets. Now you take this and go upstairs and put some clothes on! [To Kara and Janet] Now I'm not your mother, but I feel safe in saying I speak for them when I say go cover yourselves immediately!

Yes, Mrs. Huxtable. [The girls go upstairs]

Vanessa

[muttering] C'mon guys. You know I finally thought they were open enough to understand I'm not a child anymore.

Cliff

[yells upstairs] And don't put those tissues back in the box!

Clair

Rudy, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework, honey. I'll check in on you at 9:30. Be ready for bed.

Rudy

[grumbling] 9:30! Why can't I stay up past 9:30! And they say it's a free world, HA! That's what they think. It's a free nothing!

Cliff

It's free because we pay for it!

Vanessa

When I was your age, I always wanted to stay up past my bedtime, but I could never figure out how to do it. You went to Mom and Dad with your list, and they changed it. Way to go!

Rudy

Come on! What are you really doing? You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Vanessa

No, I mean it. I'm really proud of you.

Rudy

I don't believe it! You came here to laugh at me because I'm tired. Well, it won't work!

Vanessa

What's the matter with you?

Rudy

Don't play dumb with me. I know what you're really doing here! The whole family's setting me up to fail. Kenny told me. He said you're going to try to teach me a lesson. You don't think I can stay up. Well I'm on to you, sista! You're the ones that are going to look like fools, see! Yeah, when I pull this off!

Vanessa

You know what your problem is? You've been staying up too late watching too many of those old gangster movies.

Rudy

I'll watch what I want, when I want! And you palookas can't stop me! I've been in tougher fixes than this! And you can just take your phony smile and hit the bricks!

Vanessa

Hit the bricks?!?

Rudy

Yeah, scram, baby! [Vanessa leaves the room as Rudy goes back to her desk] They're not going to take me alive, yeah!

Vanessa

(to Rudy) You'll never get a good job with only a 4th grade education.

Rudy

Sure I will.

Vanessa

What'll you do?

Rudy

Teach the 3rd grade.

Rudy

It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.

Vanessa

Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.

Rudy

Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.

Vanessa

You're the slop that pigs eat.

Rudy

You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.

Cliff

Stop it! What are you doing?

Vanessa

I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.

Rudy

Would you tell my mom something for me?

Olivia

Sure, your Mom's nice. What'd you do?

Rudy

I borrowed some money to buy a sweat shirt.

Olivia

That's not so bad.

Rudy

It was the money she set out for the cleaners.

Olivia

That's not so bad.

Rudy

She put the money on the counter, and Kenny said he'd give me the money if I sold him my Magic Johnson poster, and I did, and he didn't, so I took the money from Mom.

Olivia

Sorry, Rudy, I think you're on your own.

Cliff

If it was just $2.30, why'd you steal it? If it was just $2.30, why didn't you just come and ask me for it?

Rudy

If I would've asked you for the $2.30, you would've asked "What's it for?" and I would've said "A sweat shirt", and you would've said "Do you know how much they paid coal miners in 1919?"

Rudy

This is woman stuff. I really need mom for this one.

Cliff

I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.

Olivia

Ew, I hate liver. It tastes icky.

Clair

Oh, but it's so good for you.

Olivia

If it's so good for you, why don't you eat it?

Rudy

Uh-oh.

Clair

What did you just say to me, young lady?

Olivia

I said, you eat it. Please.

Clair

Okay. (starts eating)

Rudy

Mom!

Clair

Oh, but Rudy she said "please."

Cliff

Please doesn't work on me.

Olivia

I'll be your best friend.

Rudy

Dad!

Cliff

I want to be her best friend.

Cliff

How many times do I have to ask you to knock before you enter this room?

Rudy

Why? It's not nighttime.