Will Pope quotes from The Closer

Pope

Chief Johnson, is it true that you have a camcorder in evidence belonging to Yi Chu, Deputy Undersecretary of Agricultural Affairs for the Peoples Republic of China?

Brenda

Well, I knew it belonged to a Yi Chu, I didn't know it belonged to the Yi Chu.

Pope

Mr. Chu says he called repeatedly and told you that he borrowed the camera from his boss, and he's afraid to return to China without it.

Brenda

Is he asking for asylum?

Pope

This may surprise you, but in some cultures, supervisors are still shown a modicum of respect and employees actually try to please the boss! So lose the attitude and see this guy gets his damn camera back! I don't need any more grief from the Chinese consul and I definitely don't need it from you! Please tell me I did not just say all that in front of your parents!

Brenda

There's a female investigator working for an intelligence agency who was in a relationship who you seduced into coming to Los Angeles on a regular basis. It all sounds so familiar, and yet I'm surprised.

Pope

Do you want to talk about this...in detail?

Brenda

Just drop it.

Pope

Because we can.

Brenda

Drop it, I said. And tell me what else you know about the victim that can help me.

Pope

Maggie was honest. Except about me with her husband, she was an honest person. She was a relentless investigator. She believed in what she was doing. Her personal life may have been a bit of a mess, but she was extremely professional. And she was stubborn when she was right, which she almost always was.

Brenda

Thanks.

Brenda

You know, I should have the authority to reject journalists if I think that they're going to get in the way my investigation.

Pope

Authority? What about my authority. I get orders, too, okay? Mine were absolutely clear in this case: improve relations between the LAPD and the media. That is what I am doing. Commander Taylor is assisting me and I expect your enthusiastic cooperation.

Brenda

[looks away in frustration] Fine, Will. Whatever you want.

Pope

Besides, it's a big story. I'd rather have him reporting it from inside than guessing from out on the street. He might even prove to be an asset of some --

Brenda

[sarcastically] Yes, journalists, they're so helpful we'll want them on every case.

Pope

I take it this is your attempt at enthusiasm?

Brenda

I'm sorry. I meant to say yippee!

Pope

I just told Commander Taylor to arrange a press conference for first thing in the morning; let the world know the Mayhans had nothing to do with this.

Brenda

Uh, if you don't mind, I think Lieutenant Flynn should handle this one.

Pope

Yeah, okay.

Brenda

Thanks.

Flynn

Hey, Chief? Thank you.

Pope

Well, congratulations, lieutenant.

Provenza

[facetiously] Yeah, I know, you're thrilled. I just dropped by to tell you that I am never going to retire. Ever.

Pope

Why?

Provenza

Look. I'm not going to tell you I'm Charlie Hustle. The only thing I chase these days are women who have had a few drinks.

Pope

Okay.

Provenza

But if you want to save a couple of bucks out of our division by trading my experience for a rookie?! I have a civil service job, and the only way that I am going to leave the Los Angeles Police Department is if I get shot, have a heart attack and then you run me over! After which, I will consider a disability position.

Pope

But you really still haven't told me why.

Provenza

When my first wife and I divorced, I agreed to split my pension with her from the day I retire. I'll be damned if she gets a nickel.

Pope

That I understand.

Provenza

Really?

Pope

I made a distressingly similar agreement with my first wife. You do realize that I may eventually be forced to put you in some crappy desk job.

Provenza

Then expect me to die with a stapler in my hand.

Fritz

You want to call off the critical missing?

Pope

This kid, Sergei, has an extensive juvenile record and a history of running away. It appears that his father punished him, not unjustly, and the boy ran off in the middle of the night.

Brenda

If we investigated everything based on appearances we'd have a whole lot less to do.

Rachel was murdered trying to help someone else?

Pope

Yes, she was. And now, to finish up here, on behalf of the entire LAPD, allow me to say how sorry I am that you lied to us so much and that you knocked your wife around to such an extent that we considered you a suspect in her murder.

That's your apology?

Pope

[nods] Mm-hmm.

You people have no idea what I'm going through, do you. Excuse me. [exits Pope's office]

Brenda

I'd still like to arrest him.

Pope

Odds are, one day you will.

Tao

What makes a good marriage? I think patience.

Patience. And separate bathrooms.

Provenza

Up until now, you guys had avoided all the big mistakes people make in a relationship: getting married, buying a house and having kids. I look at this wedding today as a big red flag.

Gabriel

Hi. I just wanted to say that I have really enjoyed working with both of you, truly. And this really couldn't be happening to two nicer people. Congratulations, you guys.

Flynn

Hey, you guys. Enjoy Italy. You've earned it. And make sure you "sleep in" a lot your first week out. Heh heh heh.

Daniels

I don't know much about successful relationships, but you seem to have one. And I'm happy to have been a part of your lives.

Buzz

I just wanted to say that its really nice to have been invited to the reception, and I hope this little tribute is something you will like, and keep and remember.

Sanchez

My wife died six years ago and I've never taken off her ring. Always love each other. Always.

Pope

Well, I'm...happy for you. Both. May each year bring you closer together.

Taylor

So...just say something nice?

Buzz

That's what I did.

Taylor

Okay, let me think...

Tao

Whether it was the driver or someone else, the kidnapper would have gotten rid of the car pretty quickly.

Brenda

Probably somewhere near the airport. Lt. Provenza! I really need that car, and you seem to be awfully frisky this afternoon.

Provenza

Well, yes I am! And Chief, this is perfect weather to organize a grid search for a town car. And I could really go for a nice long walk around LAX. It'd be good for me!

Pope

Ok, do we have a breathalyzer up here?

Brenda

Excuse me, Chief, uh, am I to understand that you, and uh, Lieutenant Flynn and Lieutenant Provenza handed over all the evidence from the crime scene, including the gun, to a detective Dick Tracy?

Pope

OK, now... this... is... definitely... a major crime.

Pope

So what proof do you have that Sergeant Dunn and Detective Moore knew each other?

Brenda

They denied it.

Pope

Okay, let's talk about what I mean by "proof". Because when I use that word, I mean some physical evidence we could all look at, you know, and go "Aah!"

Brenda

[points at door] Read what it says here, Will.

Pope

Hard interview room.

Brenda

What kind of message is that supposed to send to suspects?

Pope

Maybe it's supposed to be intimidating.

Brenda

I decide when to intimidate people around here, not the building.

Pope

Well, the media just can't get enough of the new building.

Brenda

I hate it.

Pope

Cops aren't happy unless they're miserable. Look at me. I broke my hand helping my daughter out of a tree in the backyard, now of course I haven't been to the gym for weeks. I feel fat. Do I look fat to you?

Brenda

I have a murder. Do you want an update?!

Pope

[dressed in a tuxedo] How do I look? Seriously.

Brenda

Fine. Nice. Where are you going, anyway?

Pope

This event slash dinner thing with a bunch of city council members. Blah. You don't know how lucky you are that you don't have to do this stuff. What about Taylor?

Brenda

What about him?

Pope

You know, for Major Crimes. Well, think about it. He's been very supportive.

Brenda

[sarcastically] So send him a basket of muffins!

Brenda

Before you get angry, last night Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza --

Pope

Yep, already angry. What have they done this time?

Brenda

While escorting a fugitive back from Dallas they struck up a date with a couple of stewardesses.

Pope

What is this, the 70s?