The Big Bang Theory Season 4 quotes

Sheldon

Whether you forgive me or not, I want you to have this

Howard

You're giving me a couch cushion?

Sheldon

No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.

Howard

[aghast] But... you love that spot!

Sheldon

No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe... And now it's yours.

Raj

[crying] Oh my God, dude. Now you have to forgive him.

Penny

[While watching Raiders of the Lost Ark] You know, I could totally rock a hat like that.

Sheldon

That's the work of noted Hollywood costume designer Deborah Nadoolman. She also designed the iconic red and black jacket in Michael Jackson's Thriller video, which I've never watched in its entirety as I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. Also it's really scary.

Leonard

Can somebody please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?

Sheldon

There's no switch, just listen and learn.

Amy

So anyway to make a long story short, turns out I have an unusually firm cervix.

Penny

You know Amy, when we say girl talk that just doesn't have to be about our lady parts.

Amy

[That's a] Shame, cause I have a real zinger about my tilted uterus.

Penny

So what do you girls wanna do tonight? Should we go to the club or to the movies?

Bernadette

Or we could just stay here?

Amy

Yes, and continue to bond. I have a feeling that after tonight, one of you will become my best friend forever, or BFF if you prefer - which I don't.

Amy

Well, the Internet suggests that another popular slumber party activity is experimentation with lesbianism.

Bernadette

Where exactly on the Internet have you been looking?

Leonard

You'll never guess what just happened!

Sheldon

You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an interdimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010 where we are transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?

Leonard

No.

Sheldon

[Genuinely dissappointed] Aw.

Leonard

Penny kissed me.

Sheldon

Well, who would ever guess that?

Bernadette

So we just sit and stare at a screen and wait for something to happen?

Howard

I did it with you when we rented The Notebook.

Howard

Who'd want to become "RatMan"?

Raj

Who wouldn't?!?! You could zip through a maze in nothing flat, uh, squeeze through really small holes, and shut down restaurants in a single bound! And the best part of it is, if I were RatMan, you could be my sidekick; "MouseBoy".

Howard

MouseBoy?

Raj

You don't like MouseBoy? How about "Kid Vermin"?

Howard

First of all, if we were going to have superpowers I would not be the sidekick; YOU'D be the sidekick.

Raj

RatMan is nobody's sidekick!

Howard

Leonard, settle this. Of the two of us, who's the obvious sidekick?

Raj

Yeah Leonard, who?

Leonard

Twelve years after high school and I'm still at the nerd table.

Amy

Penny's friend, Zack, stopped by and said "hello" and I said "hoo!"

Sheldon

Hoo?

Amy

Zack.

Sheldon

Then why did you ask?

Amy

Ask what?

Sheldon

Who?

Amy

Zack.

Sheldon

Alright, let's start over. What did you say when Zack walked in?

Amy

Hoo!

Sheldon

Zack.

Amy

Why do you keep saying 'Zack'?

Sheldon

Because you keep saying 'Who'.

Amy

I'm not saying 'hoo' now. I said 'hoo' last night.

Sheldon

And the answer was Zack, correct?

Amy

There was no question; I simply said "Hoo!"

Sheldon

[short pause] All right. I think I have enough to go on.

Raj

Water demon.

Howard

Ice dragon.

Leonard

[victorious tone of voice] Lesser Warlord of Ka'ah!

Sheldon

Not so fast! Infinite Sheldon.

Leonard

Infinite Sheldon?!

Sheldon

Yes, Infinite Sheldon defeats all other cards, and does not violate the rule against homemade cards because I made it at work.

Leonard

Do you understand why people don't want to play with you?

Sheldon

No. Although it's a question I've been pondering since preschool.

Zack

You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel: turns out that if you kill a starfish, it'll just come back to life.

Sheldon

Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.

Zack

No. I'm almost sure that it was the Discovery Channel. It was a great show; they also said dolphins might be smarter than people.

Leonard

They might be smarter than some people. [Sheldon and Raj laugh; Penny is disgusted]

Zack

[oblivious] Well, maybe we can do an experiment to find out.

Sheldon

That's easy enough. We'd need a large tank of water, a hoop to jump through, and a bucket of whatever bite-size treats you find tasty.

Penny

[after Zack leaves] You know, for a bunch of guys who claim to have spent a lot of their life being bullied, you can be real jerks. Shame on all of you.

Raj

[after Penny closes the door] What the hell did I do?

Penny

[opening door back up] You laughed. [Raj immediately shuts up]

Zack

[knocking at Penny's door] Babe, open up.

Penny

[inside her apartment] I'm not talking to you.

Zack

Then who are you talking to? Babe?

Sheldon

[dressed as The Flash, rapidly knocking] Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny-- [Penny finally opens the door]

Penny

What the hell is wrong with you?!

Sheldon

I'm The Flash. I just knocked 30,000 times.

Stuart

And the award for best group costume goes to Justice League of America number 3!

Sheldon

Thank you! Thank you so much!

Stuart

Okay. Okay, 10 seconds to midnight.

10, 9, 8…

Sheldon

No, wait! I have a speech.

7, 6…

Sheldon

Stop counting!

5, 4, 3…

Sheldon

This is my moment, dag nab it!

2, 1! Happy New Year!

Sheldon

I’m not going to say another word until you people settle down. I’m waiting.

Sheldon

I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.