The Batman (2004) quotes

Sit this one out. I can handle Freeze. Maybe it's time to pass the torch?

Batman

I'll pass the torch when the mission's over.

We both know the mission will never be over.

Mr. Freeze

[weakly] The cryo-chamer... cold enough to put me on ice... till someone wakes me up, and puts me back together... in a future without the Batman...

The Joker

Pop psychology at its worst! The girl's [Harleen Quinzel] theories are unfounded! Her professional manner's a joke and training, if ANY, is shoddy at best! I LOVE this show! The girl's more screw-loose than me!

Ooh, Jimmy Herbert! Network bigwig! What brings you to the set today? Let me guess, in search of fashion advice?

Speaking of advice, what kind are you giving these people?

Are you questioning me? Everyone who has an online degree in psychology please raise your hand. [Harleen raises her own hand but Jimmy is not impressed] Oh, okay, then how about we let the professionals do their job, alright hon?

This show is supposed to help people. You've turned it into a circus!

I know! And if you want to talk circus, wait until you see my Valentine's Day special!

Look, there won't be a Valentine's day special if you keep this...[At this point, one of the stage managers alerts Harleen that it is time to resume the show]

Oopsies, gotta get back! Laters, though.

1 second became 5 seconds, then 10, then 20. I wanted to go back 20 years before any of this happened, but all I got was 20 seconds. I can't get my time back, but I can punish the city for taking it.

Riddler

You and me, work together? I'm into riddles, not jokes. Besides, I've ruined Gorman, and that's as good a note as any to go out on.

Batman

Then you're sure it was Gorman who sabotaged you?

Riddler

Even you, Batman, could have puzzled together a mystery this obvious.

Batman

Yeah, obvious. I guess I just figured with a riddle, the most obvious answer is rarely the right one.

Riddler

Another late night in the lab, Julie?

E-- Edward?

Riddler

Oh, you remember me. I'm touched.

Ah, what are you doing here?

Riddler

There's a riddle I'm having trouble solving. You were always so good at them, maybe you can help.

The $64,000 question? [smiles coldly] Why did I sabotage our project? Come on, Edward, it's not that hard.

Riddler

[grabs her, clearly frustrated and hurt] I thought you understood me!

I understood you were a psychopath. One that was going to ruin any chance for success.

Riddler

And so you got rid of me. Very smart. But I think we can make you smarter yet. [his henchmen seize Julie] Our little external bio hard-drives for the brain were only intended to be used one at a time. Let's see what happens when we use them all together! [attaches several all over Julie's face]

No, Edward! What are you doing?!

Robin

I know, I know! He's about to get his butt kicked, am I right?

Time's up, my friends.

Professor Hugo Strange

[clears throat] Excuse me. Before you send us all to that big Arkham Asylum in the sky, would you mind indulging an old man's intellectual curiosity, and answer a simple question: why?

Why? I'll tell you why. [removes his mask] I'm a bodyguard of Paul Karon. A great man. A man you, Joker, maimed.

Joker

[smiles, flattered] Me?

Catwoman

Should've known this was Joker's fault.

Penguin

Just had to make the nut-ball angry!

Don't blame Joker - blame the Bat. He had the chance to permanently stop each and every one of you, but was always prevented by some code of ethics. Now I'm left to finish a job he doesn't have the guts to.

Professor Hugo Strange

[laughs] And you believe every word of that, don't you? You didn't capture us so you could save Gotham. No, you're trying to erase your own failure of not saving your boss.

That's not true! Shut up!

Joker

Mind if we cut in, Batsy? You see, there's this nasty little rumor we'd all like to stomp out!

[to Batman] You have to save me!

Batman

I know.

Robin

Let me guess. This is one of those "not the easy way, but the right way" moments?

Batman

They created a metal stronger than almost any compound on Earth. But... they used Wayne Industries technology to do it.

Ah! Then that would mean...

Batman

Exactly. The Joining's just made their first mistake.

We do not make mistakes. We are the Joining.

Batgirl

Unplug it.

Robin

It is unplugged!

I am drawing power from the Joining. We have taken your technology. We have improved it. We use it now to destroy your world. We are unstoppable.

For such a good-looking guy, he talks too much.

Joker

This town's gone mad! [laughs]

Robin

Stop copying me!

Stop copying me!

Robin

Oh, so you can talk.

Oh, so you can talk.

Robin

Cut it out!

Cut it out!

Robin

Quit it!

Quit it!

Robin

I like to smell my feet.

You like to smell your feet?

Robin

How did I fall for that?

Dude, you've gone cyber! How totally cool is that?

My idea of "cool" is not spending the rest of my life AS A SCREENSAVER!

Don't take it wrong, hon, but a boyfriend who's a collection of itty-bitty robots is kind of... weird.

I'll have you know I'm the greatest version of Joker there's ever been! Joker 2.0!

Joker

[entering the room] More like a bad joke, minus one.

Ah, I should have know I'd show up.

[on TV] After last night's incident, I'm calling for all Gotham University students to have DNA tests that will determine who's been abusing mutagenic chemicals. Tests will begin tomorrow morning.

He can't do that! Isn't that, like, invasion of primacy?!

Privacy. And it's not legal, no way.

But what if everyone else takes the test and we don't? They'd know it was us.

[thinking] Hmm...

David?

What if everyone had the mutagen in their systems?

What are you talking about?

Well, I've always said this place was a zoo. What if it really turned into one?