(to a confused audience of creative advertising executive) The slogan we've come up with is “Put your pants on the right way.” Not like a superhero, 'cos he's the only one allowed to get away with it. So basically when you eat our cereal you won't dress up like pants man 'cos you're not pants man, only pants man gets away with his pants over his clothes...
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I feel like a monkey learning to use tools.
(Commenting on Ben's Pirate Voice) I thought I heard a hoarse Ian Paisley there.
(questioning the bright green box design) It wouldn’t have looked out of place in the fertilisers section or the cat food.
(Referring to ignite's "Pantsman" idea in the boardroom) They took logic and tortured it until it screamed.
(normal voice) She's like, (in Kimberly's voice) "Today's my day! It's the day I've been waiting for! I'm gonna step up! You're gonna see my fight today!"
(in the voice of Sir Alan) Ben! (Yasmina and Kate start laughing) I can't decide whether you alienate yourself, or your just no bleedin' good!
Kate Walsh: Did he actually say that?
Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Yeah.
(normal voice) Sir Alan, Sir Alan, I'm going to show you, I'm going to...
(In Sir Alan's voice) I've heard enough! You've nearly talked yourself out the bleedin' door! Just shut up!
(Kate and Yasmina carry on laughing)
Kate Walsh: I've never known anyone go into the boardroom, like very unlikely to get fired, and then ruin it so much for themselves.
Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Talk it.
Yasmina Siadatan: Just by talking.
Ben Clarke: Talk themselves into trouble.
Yasmina Siadatan: Trying to create the opposite effect.
Ben Clarke: Story of my life. Talk myself into trouble.
(All start laughing)
Ben Clarke: (In Sir Alan's voice on what he thinks the task will be) The British film industry brings in, a billion quid a year. And from that billion quid, half that revenue is used for purchasing bog roll for the box. You're gonna go today and make some bog roll. Happy bog-rolling! Off you go, with your dossier!
(to Philip) With all this bravado that you've got, when you soar like an eagle you know, you attract a hunter. And at the moment I feel like I've got a 12-bore shotgun in my hand, do you understand? Because you're coming across a little bit laid back and cocky to me so you tell me why I shouldn't fire you.
Phillip Taylor: Right, bottom line is I'm just a bloke from Durham who sells house with a big head. And what I'm saying is that none of these two can win this competition. They can't win it! I can win this!
Sir Alan Sugar: Who should get fired then?
Phillip Taylor: (to Kimberly despite his animosity with Lorraine) You know what? I think we've settled our differences with Lorraine, but I think you're that naive you've brought me back here I'm frankly disgusted. I think you should go.
I'm a natural born leader. Sandhurst clearly saw that in me.
(at the end of his taxi interview) You haven't seen the last of me. You may have seen the last of Pants Man, but you certainly haven't seen the last of Noorul Choudhury.
You valued the skeleton, right?
Noorul Choudhury: Right.
Sir Alan Sugar: I'll tell you what, the bleeding skeleton could have done a better job than the lot of you! You got it valued at the right price, why did you sell it at that ridiculous price?
Nick Hewer: It probably wasn't going at all until Ben stepped in and closed the deal.
Noorul Choudhury: I disagree with the fact that you say that Ben closed the deal...
Nick Hewer: I'm sure of it.
Noorul Choudhury: I was in conversation with the guy the whole time...
Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, who closed the deal, you or him?
Ben Clarke: I just said, "will you take sixty quid," I just stepped in to get the job done.
Noorul Choudhury: The money did exchange in my hands.
Nick Hewer: (rolls eyes) Well, maybe it did. But he closed the deal.
Sir Alan Sugar: What, was you the cashier?
DBDebra Barr
(snaps at a startled Nick Hewer) How can you say that Nick? How can you say that?
(to Debra) You find another way of addressing yourself, right? And stop talking to him like he’s a second class citizen.
I think I'm going to bring back Noorul, and I think I'm also going to bring back... James.
Sir Alan Sugar: James?
James McQuillan: What?! [to Sir Alan] Ooh, sorry.
Ben Clarke: I don't know what exactly he contributed. But then again, I'm torn between James and Debra.
Debra Barr: Bring me in, mate! I'm well up for it. Take me in, and we can sit here and explain about this task.
Sir Alan Sugar: What have you picked on him [James] for?
Ben Clarke: I'm going to bring back Noorul and Debra. I was struggling to identify what exactly James had done...
Sir Alan Sugar: I hope you're bringing in people for the right reasons. I hope you're not thinking about James, that there might be a village missing an idiot somewhere.
(after his latest firing) I've got this feeling about Noorul. All I can say is, whoever employs him, better get a receipt.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Apprentice pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.