I am the best looking.
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I would say Kim, clinically speaking would be considered obese. And James isn't obese, but you can tell he's not exactly fit. He could do with going for a few runs.
(about James) He wasn't exactly Winston Churchill.
More like Churchill the nodding dog?
(back in the penthouse) I'm not really bothered whether you're successful or fail. Your failure's my success... not to be nasty.
Maj, general feeling among my two colleagues here is that you just hand around on the periphery. You don't actually do anything.
Sir Alan, I totally disagree with that.
Well, I didn't expect you to agree with it, right?
Yeah, of course, Sir Alan. But whatever James designated me within the team I did it. He never gave me a big enough role, I can't just turn around and say "James, oh by the way, I haven't got a big enough role. Can you give me a big role so I can stand up please?" I can't just do that.
(unaware that she’s spent over £700 on luxury oils and fragrances) The cost of fragrance is naff all.
How much do you think you've spent on fragrances?
I haven't got the figures in front of me, but...
Was it not 450 grams of Sandalwood?
(The team look stunned at this, as Sandalwood is extremely expensive)
No, half of 450...? Shit.
Would it surprise you to know you've spent over £700 on fragrances? (Views the stunned team) Anyway, I'll leave it with you. (He leaves the room)
I enjoy the odd cosmetic and from past experience with former girlfriends I've got a fair grasp of the market.
(to Paula’s excuse that she's no good with numbers) You know how to work out redundancy on a calculator, don't you?
Right, okay! Um...
(Long pause)
Howard Ebison: What are our options?
(even longer pause)
Margaret Mountford: (on Noorul's awful leadership) I think if it was left to Noorul, they wouldn't have done anything.
Noorul's put me with Kimberly who's meant to be some marketing guru in her own little head, but she's dumb as a doorknob.
(aimed at Ben) No “sex sells” ideas. That's why I'm project manager for this task, there's no red bikinis coming out
(after Philip’s performance) He's certainly got some confidence... He may think he's Bono.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Apprentice pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.

