This has to be one of the most, stupid activities they have yet engaged in!
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I don't know what you're smiling for. A loss is a loss.
You've seen that Ben is very volatile, the fact he doesn't let anyone speak. He comes across as rude, he comes across as arrogant...
Sir Alan Sugar: I know. I've noticed he speaks down to so many people I'm getting a rick in my neck looking up.
Noorul Choudhury: My vocal cords aren't as loud as Ben but I will know when to shut up but I also know when to defend myself. I think you also need to know is, ever since Ben, we've been into the penthouse all you've done is talk about "Ooh I wonder how many magazine deals I can do."
Ben Clarke: Absolutely not! I certainly haven't!
Noorul Choudhury: Oh, you have! Oh, you have! Oh, you have!
!Ben Clarke: That is a very unfair thing to bring up. Those are the signs of a desperate man!
Noorul Choudhury: Desperate? Ben, I'm being factual.
Sir Alan Sugar: I don't want to hear from anybody else now. But Ben, I'm worried you're a broken man.(Ben tries to speak up) I said I don't want to hear anything. Noorul, with all due respect I think you've been a bit lucky sometimes and some of your colleagues have in fact been outraged by the fact that you weren't brought into the boardroom on many occasions when they were. Debra, I cannot put up with someone with a mouth like yours. I certainly don't like the way I've been told you speak to people, as if you're something special. Because, trust me, you're nothing special. But Noorul, I don't know what you've been doing here and I think you have escaped the radar. You're Fired!
Noorul Choudhury: (as he gets up to leave) Thanks for the opportunity.
I did have a bit of bad luck in that everyone I rang up weren't interested or wasn't in. It just seems that if I started a funeral parlour, people would stop dying. That's the sort of bad luck I had today.
I'm a little bit of a slow burner in terms of my thought process. I don't necessary get the idea immediately, but it will come...
Frankly returning to London with no sales is a bit like the three of them popping into that cat plane and taking off to join the Battle of Britain. They ain't got a chance.
Listen, don't get impatient with me, Philip.
Philip Taylor: I'm not, Sir Alan, it's just that I can't seem to do anything right. I criticise Lorraine, and I get it in the neck. I win as project manager, and I get it in the neck. I can't do anything right! I think I've been one of the outstanding candidates in the past few weeks, and I've had--
Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, look! You know the Body Rocker thing? I dunno if this bleeding thing's gone to your head or what. Okay, you done well there, yeah. Okay. But that's it! One swallow don't make a summer, you understand? Since then, you ain't done that great, in my mind.
Philip Taylor: Well, I sold three items last week, Sir Alan!
Nick Hewer: Tell us about Pantsman.
(long silence)
Philip, I think I'm clearing my mind that your bravado and attitude ain't gonna fit in my organization. So Philip, You're Fired!
(Philip shakes his head as he gets up to leave)
Philip Taylor (under his breath): Joke!
(Towards the end of the task, Ignite's sub-team of Phillip, Kate and Ben still have not sold anything. And the phone rings)
Philip Taylor: Oh no! No! Don't answer! Don't answer Ben! Please!
Ben Clarke: (initially hesitant) Let her wait?
Kate Walsh: (laughing) No, pick it up.
(Ben answers the phone)
Lorraine Tighe: (over the phone) Hi, how did you get on guys?
Ben Clarke: Erm Lorraine, I've got bad news for you.
Lorraine Tighe: What?
Ben Clarke: We still didn't sell anything.
Lorraine Tighe: Oh, no!
(meeting a pre-op in a gay bar) You're a boy and you're going to be a girl?
(directing the ‘gay’ actors for the Margate rebranding) Not so much of the suggestive licking either…we’re not shooting a porno.
(after Debra, James and Mona's arguments) You're putting on a great Punch and Judy show here.
(on how he would have liked to have got through his wife's labour) 'I would have given anything to have had a Playstation with me to kill a bit of time...
(on the benefits of a home birth pool) The lid's open so the baby can jump out.
(on breast-feeding) The mother needs to be happy because if she's a bit anxious there's something in nature that switches off the tap in her breast.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Apprentice pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.

